hardest day of my life... so far

[Muggsy]

I need to vent...

Yesterday I took a pregnancy test.... got negative.

I had to travel across the city to met my bf after his work. I don't like to cry in front of anybody but I did, I was so scared for the last two weeks but I couldnt talk to anybody, I don't have many friends, so when I met him I just broke in tears. He tried to comfort me, saying that everything would be ok, that he was going to be with me all the time. We went to the clinic and I gave a sample to the laboratory, then we stayed in the waiting room, there was a couple of girls, just as nervous as me. Those were the longest 10 minutes of my life. I was thinking about all the plans that I have, I know that it sounds selfish, but kids have never been in my projects, I just don't feel good enough to educate a child.

I had to go to a counselor's room to receive the results, the counselor didn't let my bf in and I freaked out more, I'm hypoglicemic and I began to feel sick because of the stress. the guy asked me "how do you do?" I said "depends of what are you gonna say" he didn't tell me the results, but he asked my age, if I used protection ( I did) and all that stuff... then he took a deep breath and said "look the test got negative!" I said "oh fuck!!!" he looked at me like (like he's never seen that reaction before ) . I told my bf and obviously he was relieved, the girls were screaming so happy cuz one of them got negative too. when I felt that my soul was again inside my body we took a bus back home.

I... don't know... these last months have been so weird... is like meeting a new person inside of me, a person that sometimes I don't like. I've always been a responsible girl, and I feel ashamed because I've been through a lot of things that I could avoid. I can't help to feel dissapointed at myself.

 

[Cabcere]

Hey Muggsy, I don't really have any advice or words of wisdom to offer you, but I just wanted to let you know that I'll be thinking about you (as I'm sure many of the other wonderful people here will be as well). Best wishes!

 

[Carek1230]

Oh Mugsy.....don't be so hard on yourself. Maybe it is your hormones playing tricks on you, testing you to see if you are ready to make changes in your life. What happened could be a sign. I believe things happen for reasons. But heavens don't be disappointed in yourself. Things happen, we ALL make mistakes or do things we aren't too happy with from time to time. I must say I am happy to hear that your b.f. was with you, supportive of you and you are very lucky for that. I'd say take a big deep breath, dry your tears, have a good night's sleep and tomorrow the sun will come up and you can call it the first day of the rest of your life and don't look back.....keep moving forward. Don't hesitate to lean on your b.f. or on us here at Interference when you feel you need to talk or you need some support.

 

[AcrobatMan]

all actions have a consequences

...so i guess whenever you do some action...think about the consequences... ( but dont crave for consequences)

if you follow this...u will find life easier...and much more predicatable

 

[Lila64]

 

[u2bonogirl]

I can totally relate to where you were at, except I never got a test done....I just waited it out for a while But I'm also hypoglycemic and any stressful situation just gets worse because you start feeling so terrible
I'm glad that you didnt have an unplanned pregnancy, both for you and for the -er- baby...or would be baby I guess. Because if you're not ready, and your life isnt set up well for it you might grow to resent the child, and thats never good.
Oh fuck

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

 

[redkat]

that's one rough week. I'm glad it turned out the way you wanted it too.

 

[MsGiggles]

Glad you're doing better

 

[tiny dancer]

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

take care of yourself

 

[cell]

 

[JCOSTER]

Tomorrow can be the 1st day of the rest of your life....

 

[For Honor]

take care of yourself

Always a good thing to do

 

[U2Girl1978]

 

[verte76]

 

[fly so high!]

Muggsy,
It concerns me that the reason you feel you cannot imagine kids in your life is because you think you are not going to be a fit parent.
You, actually being concerned for the welfare of the child, will exactly make you the best parent you can be.
You may not be ready this time in your life, but you may be in the future. And just seeing you around in the forums and what you just said here, i reckon, if/when you decide to have children, you are going to be great!

 

[angel_of_L.A.]

 

[fah]

 

[Muggsy]

thanks a lot for the s and the nice comments, I feel better now

yeah... I feel that i'm starting again, after those scary moments. Sometimes I think that was a prank from fate, but maybe I needed that.

I have a lot of projects right now, and now I can appreciate more my youth and my freedom... there's a lot of things to do!

I have to recognize that i'm truly afraid of motherhood, some may think that motherhood is a "natural" matter for all girls, but I find the whole process so fascinating and scary at the same time.

 

[impy13]

Maaaan I've been there. Except on your boyfriend's end of it, I suppose.


I know the relief. I did a little jig when I got the negative news.

 

[Achtung_Bebe]

I've been there too... it worries you sick. The day will come when the prospect of having a child will be a blessing and not one to be afraid of.