Hard news about a friend to keep secret.

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No apologies, please.
My God, how awful for you... my heart seriously feels for both you, and esp. your friends pain.
I can't even imagine.
I am so very sorry.
Just keep being there, and make as many wonderful memories as you possibly can.
I wish there was something more to say.

:hug: X 1,000,000
 
FitzChivalry said:
Just got home from spending the last week and a half at my friend's place.

We got really bad news last week . . . it just keeps getting worse and worse.

I guess I should just say it: AIDS.

Not even HIV, it's AIDS now according to the doctor and his low CD4 cell count. So my friend jumped on it and started the meds. Hopefully, hopefully, hopefully they will help get his CD4 cell count up and his viral load down.

But I've been looking online and I see that life expectancy is about 6+ years after being designated AIDS with a low CD4 count.

God, he's been walking around with this for who knows how long, and if he'd known about it earlier, his life expectancy would be MUCH higher.

I can't even grasp that he could be gone from my life before we're even 40. I feel so bad. Especially since he still thinks the life expectancy is 20 - 30 years like the first doctor told him, but that's for someone who catches it early and gets on the meds then.

Fuck! I'm so sad.

He's told me so many times over the past week how just having me at his place has made him feel so much better and how he's scared of being alone now. He told me even when we're just sitting there, doing nothing, not talking, he feels so much better that I was there with him.

And I just want to grab him in my arms and hold him and protect him and make it all better and make it all go away and I can't . . . I'm completely useless and that fucking virus is going to win and I hate it! I absolutely hate it.

And my heart is absolutely breaking.

Sorry to bum you guys out. Sorry.
Click to expand...


:hug: Sometimes the hardest things to deal with in life are the things we have no control over. On the flip side, the absolute best things we can do for a loved one is to offer the simplest gift , that of companionship. From all you have shared here you have been a wonderful friend, one anyone would want in their life. My wish for our Lifetime is that a cure for AIDS and HIV (along with other diseases and health issues) is developed.

As for your friend, there is always Hope. But for now spend all the Time you can spare with him. He's told you how much it is appreciated and it will strengthen your relationship. You will be happier for having given this gift to him. What an awe-inspiring person you are.:heart:
 
I kinda figured that's what was going on from your first post, but I prayed it wasn't. The best thing you can do is just be there for him, and let him know he's not alone. There's no way this is going to get easier and I just hope that the both of you can see your way through this.
 
Night & Day said:
No apologies, please.
My God, how awful for you... my heart seriously feels for both you, and esp. your friends pain.
I can't even imagine.
I am so very sorry.
Just keep being there, and make as many wonderful memories as you possibly can.
I wish there was something more to say.

:hug: X 1,000,000
Click to expand...


I couldn't have said it any better. :hug:
 
I am looking at your avi right now, and my heart is spilling with ache for your situation.
I feel like that avi everyday.
It may mean something else to others, but to me, it says so much.
In times like this, it is a cry, a giving in and letting go...to who or what, you decide.
I am rambling, I know...in my head my words make perfect sense.
I have typed and erased multiple times to try and convey, but it's just not coming out right.
So I'll just say this.
Help your friend walk on.
The best memories are the ones you will create from this day on.
That is not a statement, it is a suggestion. :wink:

This experience is going teach you to appreciate precious life...
to care for someone more than you've ever cared before,and to learn patience, commitment and loss in a most unfortunate way.
(if that sounds like shit, I am sorry, I don't mean it that way.)

But in all of this you will gain so much.
You will discover things about yourself you never knew exisited.
And more than anything, will gain the strength and experience to be a shoulder to some one else who may go through the same thing...some one not as strong as you.

You are probably thinking, "Well, I dont want to learn this way, it's fucked up".
It is, but it is a fact...the situation is not good, and likely there is nothing that will change the fact that things are not looking favorably upon your friend.
So turn this around.
Celebrate everyday, make memories, take tons of pictures, eat, drink and carry on.
And on his dying day, he will be the happiest person in his bed, with you by his side, laughing and remembering, and you will be the person that left him the happiest he had ever been.
And you will be too.

:hug:
 
This is one of the few times that reading something on this site has truly bummed me out. It's such a shame because you really are one of the nicest guys on this forum, and from everything you say, your friend is in the same vein. Such a shame. Sickness and death at this young an age is something truly terrible and something that I can say from personal experience is something no one should have to go through.

I won't lend advice because I'm sure you'll make the right call on balancing your own issues with helping him out. Just do what you have to.
 
Fitz I'm so sorry. I just read back and it sounds like you're his main support. Is it at all possible to enlist more? For his sake as well as yours. I know you're a terrific friend and you will be there for him, make sure you are taking care of yourself as well. My heart goes out to both of you :hug:
 
phillyfan26 said:
This is one of the few times that reading something on this site has truly bummed me out. It's such a shame because you really are one of the nicest guys on this forum, and from everything you say, your friend is in the same vein. Such a shame. Sickness and death at this young an age is something truly terrible and something that I can say from personal experience is something no one should have to go through.

I won't lend advice because I'm sure you'll make the right call on balancing your own issues with helping him out. Just do what you have to.
Click to expand...
seconded.

i'm so sorry to hear this fitz, that truly sucks. i too had a suspicion this is what you were referring to in your first post, and i'm really sad that i'm right. it sounds like you're doing an excellent job being there for him and supporting him, which is unsurprising. you sound like an awesome friend and the support he needs. :)
 
Thanks all. :)

Sorry about that downer post. I realize I'm having good days and bad days and that night was just a bad one. When I'm around my friend I try and be strong and up for him, but that night when I got home I was all alone and I guess it kind of just hit me.

Who knows how long he has. Probably not as long as some, but in this day an age and in this neck of the world (and with his insurance), probably a lot longer than others. I should just be grateful that it's not months-to-live like it was in the 1980s. I'm sure he'll be around for years and years, and we already started making tentative plans for a trip to Orlando to go to Harry Potter World. :D

Redkat is right, which is why after I posted that night, I called up a friend who does HIV Outreach and I'm going to try and get my friend into a newly diagnosed positive group and some one-on-one counseling. My friend who does HIV Outreach flat out told me as great a job as I'm doing, this is really way over my head and my friend needs to be around others like him in the same boat and in professional care.

And Jase, you're right about my avitar - it's so appropriate now more than ever. It's from The Shawshank Redemption, my favorite film and one of my favorite stories by Stephen King . . . and the intro to the actual King novella is as follows: "Hope is a good thing, perhaps the best of things, and no good thing ever dies."

I really don't think I can say, or cling to, anything better right now.

Again, thanks for all your kind words and concern.

:)
 
If you go to my MySpace page, and pretty much anywhere else, you'll see it is my ALL TIME favorite movie.
I know it so well.
I have often compared myself in many of my life situations to that of Andy Dufresne's.

:up:


:hug:
 
I'm so sorry about your friend, Fitz, but I'm sure with a good friend like you by his side it will be much easier for him to deal with the disease. I hope there will be some way to help him and to make his life easier. All the best for both of you. :hug:
 
"Hope is a good thing, perhaps the best of things, and no good thing ever dies." - wow, thats just a gorgeous gorgeous sentiment

:hug::hug::hug:
I have no words for you, but wish you love, luck and courage as you and your friend go through this incredibily difficult time
:)
 
aaawww no, I'm SO sorry Fitz to hear the details you've now shared..... :( :hug:

hadn't been by ZC in a while.

You have been/are a wonderful friend, and I'm glad he's going to be getting into a support group of some kind so you won't feel quite as big a heavy load if he hadn't.
You your-self might want to attend briefly some kind of care-giver's group to just get possibly some good advice, and extra shoulders of your own to emotionally lean on. I've spent spent decades dealing with the hospital/ER with in re my parents.

I think there IS hope....they make advances.

and if you or he lean towards holistic health/ complementry treatments etc I'd suggest going on line for H.E.A.L., check out Dr Andrew Wilde & Gary Null....
Living in NYC I certainly heard so many stories, and have heard some serious good results even during the 80's.

And Very good that you're thinking of planning a fun trip!


I love Shawshanke Redemption! It's one of my favorites. And the SOUNDTRACK! The music that goes on just before and during the scene your AVI comes from. OMG! Incredible.

:pray: s for you & your friend. :hug:
 
That is great news Fitz :hug:
ohhappyday.gif
 
I just read this today, and wanted to give my full support to you and your friend. But to make this not a downer post, I'm really, really glad to hear about the latest news. I hope your friend can fight that monster as long as he possibly can.
 
I've been following and wishing both you and your friend all the best. I'm delighted you've had some good news.
 
Yeah. The good news, after months of so much bad news, is a relief.

I'm back home now and see him a couple times a week and he seems to be doing well. I know that finding out the meds are working was a huge weight off his mind. Now I wish I could just get him to go to some sort of counseling or group therapy, but last time I brought it up he was very resistant, so . . . It's his life; I can't force him to do something he doesn't want to do, no matter how beneficial for him I might think it would be.

But still, the good news about his physical health is something to celebrate.

Thank you for all your kind thoughts and well wishes. You guys and gals are the best! :)
 
:hug: :hug: :hug:

You're an incredible friend. I'm speechless by the amount of support you've been providing for him. I'm overjoyed to hear that his health is improving. :)
Yeah.. it is his life, but in my opinion, you should guide him in decisions that may affect his life in the long run. Instead of coercing him, I suggest you provide him with as much information you can about counseling and give a good debate about the issue. :wink:

I wish the best for you and your friend. Make memories that he will never forget... remind him of the simple things in life that seem to bring a smile to his face. With that breakdown he had during that drive.. you must be a very very very very important person to him. Congrats on the good news. Hope is such an inexpensive gift. :heart:

Your friend and you will be in my thoughts and prayers. :hug: :hug:
 
hey, WOW, fitz that's such great news for your firend & you! :yippie:
A great *Holiday Time* present!

I think ellen has some good advice.
Maybe let him take in his new found "feeling much better-ness" some more, and then slowly try to reintroduce the idea of groups etc saying- stuff like that can help him cope with the illness, and perhaps help to stave off such a precipitous decline esp since with more people - that's a bigger set of eyes & ears out there to pick up on better treatments, methods for dealing with side effects , holistic advances as well etc.
 
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