Guess what? It's another help-someone-with-a-girl-problem thread.

[WCF]

But don't girls and women get caught in the "friend zone" too? That's happened to me a few times.

Probably? I don't know. I've never seen it myself. I'm just being bitter though... let me have my moment!

Although I do think it happens most often to guys. I've heard so many stories about this friend zone that its becoming a joke. I swear, you can go to any gaming site forum (where the guys are not exactly social butterflies...) and you'll find dozens of topics on it.

 

[bigjohn2441]

But don't girls and women get caught in the "friend zone" too? That's happened to me a few times.

I dunno, not as much as guys do thats for sure.

I either like a girl or i dont. If she likes me and i like her then fine, but if she likes me and i dont like her, for whatever reason, i'll make it clear that I dont like her back in a subtle way so she gets the point eventually, unless i really dont like her, then ill just tell her to fuck off.

Before i was subtle about it i was a complete smartass to this one girl that liked me but i didnt like her for several reasons. Being a smartass with her just made her like me more, thats when I realised some girls like that more than being the "nice guy" type.

 

[cobl04]

You're charming.

 

[A_Wanderer]

This belongs here

Oh yeah, I was going to add.

Being single I'm officially over it now in 2009. I'm not good at it. I can't just go to a club and pick up all these girls. Always second-guessing myself. I'd be good I reckon at being a boyfriend.

Let's see what 2009 brings!!

Don't be a self-pitying wanker, that statement exudes self-pity (without a hint of ironic self-assurance that should accompany those sorts of statements).

People go to clubs for sex, booze and drugs - it's where you get some idle gratification, not a deep relationship, it's creepy if your approaching every bright young thing for compassion and understanding, if your treating every girl as a possible partner your conversations become mundane job interviews, and nobody wants that, clubs are entirely not where you go for anything emotional - exceptions are obviously friends of friends where you can't just slip away the next morning.

You're 18, go to a whorehouse or get a call-girl if your that desperate, or do something a little more positive like social activity where girls are about (jogging group, book club, political society etc).

The single best thing you can do this year is join a few clubs at university, they are a perfect social pool of undergraduates, it gives you more opportunities, and since it is a cumulative process your odds of getting a girlfriend, or boyfriend - whatever, will approach 1.

Pick up the classic bachelor movie, it covers so much of the bullshit which every guy goes through

 

[cobl04]

This belongs hereDon't be a self-pitying wanker, that statement exudes self-pity (without a hint of ironic self-assurance that should accompany those sorts of statements).

People go to clubs for sex, booze and drugs - it's where you get some idle gratification, not a deep relationship, it's creepy if your approaching every bright young thing for compassion and understanding, if your treating every girl as a possible partner your conversations become mundane job interviews, and nobody wants that, clubs are entirely not where you go for anything emotional - exceptions are obviously friends of friends where you can't just slip away the next morning.

You're 18, go to a whorehouse or get a call-girl if your that desperate, or do something a little more positive like social activity where girls are about (jogging group, book club, political society etc).

The single best thing you can do this year is join a few clubs at university, they are a perfect social pool of undergraduates, it gives you more opportunities, and since it is a cumulative process your odds of getting a girlfriend, or boyfriend - whatever, will approach 1.

Pick up the classic bachelor movie, it covers so much of the bullshit which every guy goes through

I know it exuded that, just wanted to say it, that's all. I don't like self-pity.

And I'm certainly not going to clubs for that purpose, trust me. I've had a few nights with just idle gratification at clubs. The thought of getting a relationship from a club has never even crossed me mind. The point I was making was just that I'd prefer to have a girlfriend, then be out at clubs playing the game, if you will, and going home some nights in an av mood because I didn't pick up.

Won't sink that low, either, I'm not that desperate, if it came across like that. And yes, all precisely why I'm looking forward to uni next year.

we can lock this thread now.

 

[bigjohn2441]

You're charming.

whatever dude, at least im not stuck with some chick i like and she doesnt want anything to do with me since i've acted like such a puss and didnt go after that shit from the get-go

 

[cobl04]

nope, and I can't argue with that.

that was in reference to the "fuck off" part of your post by the way.

please?

 

[WCF]

I dunno about locking this thing yet, I'm kind of interested in where your going with this COBL and how this will turn out.

 

[bigjohn2441]

oh, the things you say after coming back from a long night of drinking

 

[WCF]

oh, the things you say after coming back from a long night of drinking

Well its good you have the guts to come out and admit your wrong... at least, I think thats what you did.

I'm kind of in the same situation as COBL here, only I'm in high school. I'm curious to see if this friend zone thing can be overcome, because, as far as I've heard, I don't know anyone whos done it, and perhaps you can be some sort of inspiration

 

[bigjohn2441]

no, id guess its almost impossible to get out of that trap.

shit, im no inspiration. i only wish i figured out how this stuff with girls worked when i was back in high school like you, not when i was almost done with college. i could've done some damage back then.

 

[WCF]

no, id guess its almost impossible to get out of that trap.

shit, im no inspiration. i only wish i figured out how this stuff with girls worked when i was back in high school like you, not when i was almost done with college. i could've done some damage back then.

Haha. I was actually referring to a potential COBL success when I was talking about inspiration... but hey, maybe you've got some to share with us too.

Yeah, actually, I wish I would have figured out this stuff years ago too. Sure I'm in high school, but I'm a senior and it's almost time to go! So many wasted years... so much wasted potential. I've learned at least a couple lessons here though... never play all your cards with one girl! And never resemble a little puppy dog. Seems obvious, but we're so naive sometimes.

 

[cobl04]

I was wondering whether the smiley was significant or not John.

Same, WCF, feel the same way. Look. With this girl, now she doesn't want to go Zoo. I ring her, but this is gonna go anywhere I don't think. I'll see her Monday I believe, I'll tell her, she won't like it, then I can move on, like four blokes said much earlier in this thread, I can go to uni, move past this stuff, turn from me at the moment to a kid who'll date and get a home run.

It's run it's course.

 

[StormierZiggy]

I was wondering whether the smiley was significant or not John.

Same, WCF, feel the same way. Look. With this girl, now she doesn't want to go Zoo. I ring her, but this is gonna go anywhere I don't think. I'll see her Monday I believe, I'll tell her, she won't like it, then I can move on, like four blokes said much earlier in this thread, I can go to uni, move past this stuff, turn from me at the moment to a kid who'll date and get a home run.

It's run it's course.

Don't be so down on yourself dude, give it another week. Just make sure when you tell her the truth about your feelings, you have a brilliant aftershave on, youve done a workout 1-2 hours before then showered, are wearing an "unbuttoned" top(or one that shows off the 'ceps), breath mint , face cream, hair done, and if you feel good about it, flowers.

 

[cobl04]

Don't be so down on yourself dude, give it another week. Just make sure when you tell her the truth about your feelings, you have a brilliant aftershave on, youve done a workout 1-2 hours before then showered, are wearing an "unbuttoned" top(or one that shows off the 'ceps), breath mint , face cream, hair done, and if you feel good about it, flowers.

Haha cheers, aftershave check, workout won't help much, and neither will showing my 'ceps'. Other stuff yeah I can do.

 

[WCF]

Don't be so down on yourself dude, give it another week. Just make sure when you tell her the truth about your feelings, you have a brilliant aftershave on, youve done a workout 1-2 hours before then showered, are wearing an "unbuttoned" top(or one that shows off the 'ceps), breath mint , face cream, hair done, and if you feel good about it, flowers.

Just coming in from a different perspective here. Aren't these declarations of love, flowers, touchy-feely type stuff the exact sort of thing that gets guys into the friend zone? I'll be the first guy here to admit I don't know jack about women, but if it were me, I wouldn't fall for someone just because she told me how she really felt about me... unless of course, I was desperate (which is bad).

I had a girl after me a bit ago. She would tell her friends how much she liked me, how great I was, etc etc, and somehow, it all got back to me. One day, she actually confessed. How was it? Awkward. She poured out her feelings... but that alone didn't make me feel anything for her. If anything, it just made me uncomfortable... maybe even a little creeped out.

I imagine it would be the same way with women. I liked a different girl (the one that I said friendzoned me) and somehow that also got out and she found out. I tell her I love her, share all my feelings with her, am available for her a lot, even got gifts for her sometimes, but does that make her swoon and fall head over heels for me? No. Not even close - it doesn't do anything. To be honest, now I just feel pathetic for ever trying to "win her" that way. I cringe just thinking about it. She thinks of me as "cute" now, but we all know what that really means. The way I acted made me "sweet," but not attractive. I guess that, well, this sort of behavior when your trying to "win" someone just makes you look like a wuss. And no girl wants a wuss.

I was never very fond of the "game" people talk about. Always thought honesty was the best policy and that the game was just for jerks looking for sex. I guess I'm finding out the hard way that the game is the only way to go, no matter how nice you or the girl are. Like, for example, on Thanksgiving weekend where we had a break in school, I had to work all weekend. I essentially cut her off (unintentionally). Later I found out during that week that she missed me... and had developed some "small crush" on me. It was kind of obvious too, because she would randomly text me really enthusiastically. When I found out she liked me, I started going back to my old ways and paid a lot of attention to her. And what happened? Any attraction for me she felt was dropped and we're back at square one. Anyway, now we're at Christmas break and I'm working again, and the enthusiastic texts are coming back. I guess I'm rambling now, but my point is, that these games might work.

But I don't know. I'm still in high school after all and your all older than I am and might know better. Just my two cents... I've been thinking about this situation a lot recently.

 

[bigjohn2441]

it's all about having a balance of being what they call "cocky/funny", having an indifferent attitude towards them, and not being a kiss-ass while still being nice, but not too nice.

the indifferent attitude towards them definitely turns them on more than confessing love to them and all that bullshit. trust me, it's like magic. you said yourself when you ignored her (although unintentionally) it made her question whats up and that sparked some attraction. keep it up and add some of the "cocky/funny" stuff in. i dont want to explain that all over again so read eariler in this thread or look it up online.

 

[WCF]

it's all about having a balance of being what they call "cocky/funny", having an indifferent attitude towards them, and not being a kiss-ass while still being nice, but not too nice.

the indifferent attitude towards them definitely turns them on more than confessing love to them and all that bullshit. trust me, it's like magic. you said yourself when you ignored her (although unintentionally) it made her question whats up and that sparked some attraction. keep it up and add some of the "cocky/funny" stuff in. i dont want to explain that all over again so read eariler in this thread or look it up online.

Holy cow, I didn't bother to read the rest of the thread very thoroughly until now. Yes bigjohn, you've already described much of what I've been thinking about.

Notice how, in the original post, the girl is attracted to some guy you, COBL, think is a jerk? He doesn't pay attention to her, yet, for some reason, she leans towards him. Thats just evidence that indifference stirs something in girls. They love attention, they're curious. So when your not giving them that attention, they'll be interested. I guess it's the thrill of the chase, who knows.

I'm going to go ahead and say that girls do prefer the "jerks." However, by jerk, I'm not talking about abusive, disrespectful punks. These "jerks" I'm talking about are attractive by being funny and confident, but they don't give the girl his full attention. This way, they don't chase the girls, they make the girls chase them. Its more exciting for the girl, and she doesn't get sick of him by him being around all the time. Being a nice guy, unfortunately, is just boring and, well, unattractive.

Like I said earlier, I hate the idea of having to play a game. But that's what love seems to be: a game. My friends always tried to tell me this, but I was a stubborn, naive, idealist. I said just be yourself, be honest, give her compliments, make her feel good, pay attention to her, and all your dreams will come true, just like in the movies. Wrooooooong! Sure, you can "be yourself," but sometimes, "yourself" simply isn't good enough. At the very least, get your game on to initially attract the girl, and you can be yourself later. Hopefully, though, the game gets worked into your personality so that your not such a bore then.

If I were you, COBL, I'd move on. And I mean move on. Tough as it is, get your mind on other things. Get a life(and I mean that in a nice way). Friend zone is doom. But that doesn't mean its over with this girl. Once you stop paying so much attention to her, those things that got you into the friend zone will slowly start unwinding. It means you just might get another chance with her later, and you can do things right that time. Don't count on it getting her back though - it's more attractive that way.

 

[StormierZiggy]

Just coming in from a different perspective here. Aren't these declarations of love, flowers, touchy-feely type stuff the exact sort of thing that gets guys into the friend zone? I'll be the first guy here to admit I don't know jack about women, but if it were me, I wouldn't fall for someone just because she told me how she really felt about me... unless of course, I was desperate (which is bad).

I had a girl after me a bit ago. She would tell her friends how much she liked me, how great I was, etc etc, and somehow, it all got back to me. One day, she actually confessed. How was it? Awkward. She poured out her feelings... but that alone didn't make me feel anything for her. If anything, it just made me uncomfortable... maybe even a little creeped out.

I imagine it would be the same way with women. I liked a different girl (the one that I said friendzoned me) and somehow that also got out and she found out. I tell her I love her, share all my feelings with her, am available for her a lot, even got gifts for her sometimes, but does that make her swoon and fall head over heels for me? No. Not even close - it doesn't do anything. To be honest, now I just feel pathetic for ever trying to "win her" that way. I cringe just thinking about it. She thinks of me as "cute" now, but we all know what that really means. The way I acted made me "sweet," but not attractive. I guess that, well, this sort of behavior when your trying to "win" someone just makes you look like a wuss. And no girl wants a wuss.

I was never very fond of the "game" people talk about. Always thought honesty was the best policy and that the game was just for jerks looking for sex. I guess I'm finding out the hard way that the game is the only way to go, no matter how nice you or the girl are. Like, for example, on Thanksgiving weekend where we had a break in school, I had to work all weekend. I essentially cut her off (unintentionally). Later I found out during that week that she missed me... and had developed some "small crush" on me. It was kind of obvious too, because she would randomly text me really enthusiastically. When I found out she liked me, I started going back to my old ways and paid a lot of attention to her. And what happened? Any attraction for me she felt was dropped and we're back at square one. Anyway, now we're at Christmas break and I'm working again, and the enthusiastic texts are coming back. I guess I'm rambling now, but my point is, that these games might work.

But I don't know. I'm still in high school after all and your all older than I am and might know better. Just my two cents... I've been thinking about this situation a lot recently.

Not generally for me, those kinds of declarations tend to have the lass down on you within an hour

 

[Bono's shades]

I don't suppose anyone wants the perspective of an actual grown-up, mature woman, but here goes:

No one owes you a romantic relationship just because you are "nice." And if you are willing to play a bunch of stupid games to get a girl to like you, you aren't as "nice" as you like to think you are.

 

[bigjohn2441]

who said having confidence and being able to make girls laugh are "stupid games"?

changing personality traits that don't seem to attract younger women (being too nice, kissing up, giving gifts all the time, being the "friend", etc) to ones that do seem to attract (confidence, humor, indifference) isn't a "stupid game", more like improving yourself. at least to me.

but of course, if you're talking about being too nice and giving gifts and sucking up too much as the stupid games to get someone to like you, then i couldn't agree more.

 

[Bono's shades]

who said having confidence and being able to make girls laugh are "stupid games"?

changing personality traits that don't seem to attract younger women (being too nice, kissing up, giving gifts all the time, being the "friend", etc) to ones that do seem to attract (confidence, humor, indifference) isn't a "stupid game", more like improving yourself. at least to me.

but of course, if you're talking about being too nice and giving gifts and sucking up too much as the stupid games to get someone to like you, then i couldn't agree more.

See, you are proving my point. 'Giving gifts and sucking up" aren't personality traits that prove you are "nice." They are just strategies you were using because you thought it would get you what you wanted. If you were really a nice person, you would give gifts and do nice things for people because you thought it would make the other person happy, not just because you wanted to get that person's romantic attention.

 

[bigjohn2441]

i know all that, what im saying is giving gifts and sucking up and being too "nice", for the most part, DOESN'T WORK ANYWAY, regardless of the guy's intent!

and of course ill explain again that im talking about getting initial attraction here, not someone that's already in a relationship with someone.

 

[Bono's shades]

i know all that, what im saying is giving gifts and sucking up and being too "nice", for the most part, DOESN'T WORK ANYWAY, regardless of the guy's intent!

Well, yes, of course it doesn't work if you are just doing it to try to win over a girl who isn't interested in you that way.

 

[Galeongirl]

Well, yes, of course it doesn't work if you are just doing it to try to win over a girl who isn't interested in you that way.

Exactly!

The big point you guys are missing is that. Ofcourse gifts and all the wooey stuff won't work if she's NOT INTERESTED in you. But if she is interested, or not aware of her interest for you, even if there's only a miniscular teeny tiny bit of interest in her, it might spark that interest and she can realise that she actually likes you. That is what the whole flower/chocolates giving thing does, it won't turn them from not liking you into liking you. But it can pull her towards you!


Oh and besides, what do you have to lose? I mean, sure, it costs a bit of money and a broken heart isn't nice, but eventually it'll work y'know.

 

[StormierZiggy]

Exactly!

The big point you guys are missing is that. Ofcourse gifts and all the wooey stuff won't work if she's NOT INTERESTED in you. But if she is interested, or not aware of her interest for you, even if there's only a miniscular teeny tiny bit of interest in her, it might spark that interest and she can realise that she actually likes you. That is what the whole flower/chocolates giving thing does, it won't turn them from not liking you into liking you. But it can pull her towards you!


Oh and besides, what do you have to lose? I mean, sure, it costs a bit of money and a broken heart isn't nice, but eventually it'll work y'know.

Exactly, and the oral benefits are worth the chase.

 

[Galeongirl]

Exactly, and the oral benefits are worth the chase.

And that reaction is going to get you nowhere with girls. Seriously, don't EVER say things like that, just THINK them. Even when you're 'with the guys', You just don't say things like that.

 

[StormierZiggy]

And that reaction is going to get you nowhere with girls. Seriously, don't EVER say things like that, just THINK them. Even when you're 'with the guys', You just don't say things like that.

I do fine with the lassies thanks, and when your with the lads, everyone says things like that, always half sarcastically, but half serious because it's true. You don't know how things work in Glasgow evidently, woman arent delicate glass that has to be tiptoed around. If a guy can hear it, so can a lassie.

 

[bigjohn2441]

Exactly, and the oral benefits are worth the chase.

oh my, how insensitive.

 

[cobl04]

oh ffs.