Girls shouldn't ask guys out... or should they?

[For Honor]

The book is ...... okay.

It is good for women who feel bad about themselves, or need a boost. I know a few who could benefit from it.

In fact, I find myselg telling those girls the same thing that are in the book, essentially. Especially the "PS" line, and similar.




However, I agree about honesty. Realtionships aren't really about emotion. It's just easier to say they are. Fear, inadequacy, lonliness, desparation, whatever.

what makes for real relationships is two people who really want to be in a relationship...

(with each other)




If a girl asked me out because she thought I am a good catch, I'd congratulate her. But only because I wouldn't be surprised if she did the same if I were in her shoes.

^that will take some explaining later, perhaps



As far as asking people out.....
neither way give you more control, as far as I'm concerned. It always takes two people to be in a relationship, and taht doesn't change. Some people have perferences, some people are more easily influenced, some like to be swept off their feet. But really, I don't think it matters what you "feel".

I believe it is the reasoning behind those feelings, the structure of it all, that matters most.


For example:

infatuation over someone who always is there for you and gives you what you need is one thing
infatuation over someone who doesn't return your calls and you don't understand why they don't want to be with you is another.

 

[JessicaAnn]

Ok ... thanks to everyone who read the bullets. A couple of things:

This book was co-written by a man and a woman. In fact most of the book is written from the perspective of the male author (who is now married), commenting on fairly typical situations women find themselves in. The chapters end with the female author commenting on why the point(s) the male author is trying to make is so hard for women to accept (even if it is common sense).

I think if you would have read the entire excerpt (even though it is long), you might find that the authors were addressing some fairly common situations women find themselves in. The bullets, when taken out of context, may seem harsh and stereotypical, but when after all of the preceeding text might seem a bit clearer.

 

[zonelistener]

now that lowercase has asked out bonovoxsuperstar...who wants to ask ME out?

 

[Angela Harlem]

i'll happily take you out, jeffrey.

 

[beli]

I thought Jeff was flirting with me in the sexuality thread.

I went off to bake Jeff muffins and everything

 

[JessicaAnn]

 

[Angela Harlem]

beli, i offered to take him out.

 

[Diemen]

You've been watching the 700 Club too?

 

[girlhappy]

No, you are not alone in your view. Call me conservative, but i also think that is "their"job. In the end, it doesnt make any difference, it takes effort to build relationship no matter who started it, but, i just feel it is more natural, or am i just too shy?

 

[gareth brown]

you're just too shy/lazy/expectant

 

[04072511]

Why should guys be the only ones to make a fool of themselves/ get their hearts broken?

 

[Bonochick]

On a related note...every time I asked a guy out, he still insisted on paying for everything. Since I was the one who had asked him out, I always planned on paying...or at the very least paying my own way. I always thought that that was unnecessary but really sweet of the guy to cover everything.

 

[Moonlit_Angel]

On a related note...every time I asked a guy out, he still insisted on paying for everything. Since I was the one who had asked him out, I always planned on paying...or at the very least paying my own way. I always thought that that was unnecessary but really sweet of the guy to cover everything.

My old boyfriend used to do that, too, insist on paying for everything. I felt bad, because if I ever had money on me, I would've been glad to pay, too-didn't want him to waste his money. But at the same time, I agree with you about it being sweet-it was. He was an old-fashioned gentleman on our dates .

Angela

 

[zoney!]

beli, i offered to take him out.

PLEASE do!

End our misery.

 

[Angela Harlem]

 

[For Honor]

heh heh heh

don't mind this post, it would only mean something to a few people, but it had to be written anyway

 

[spinninghead77]

I don't believe in games and that book really screams games to me. I also don't think that it should be the mans responsibility to do the asking out/paying just because he has an extra appendage between his legs.

If you are hoping to have a mature relationship with someone why would you want to play games at the beginning.

If you like someone there is nothing wrong with telling/showing them that. If they like you too then they will respond. If not then no harm has been caused.

I do think that some people don't take the hint when their affection isn't returned by the other person. It isn't only women though. Men do it too.

 

[DrTeeth]

I bet people would benefit a lot more from just getting out of the house and trying their luck than to read 99% of the self-help books.

Oi, there's a novelty!

 

[Hallucination]

I'm not old fashioned in my views of dating or whatever, but I believe that a girl should never need to ask a guy out or for his number because if he wanted to go out with her he would ask. Thats just the way men are. This way of thinking makes life a lot easier for me because instead of worrying all the time about whether I should ask for his number or whatever, I just try and be friendly and if I don't get a response i.e. asked out, then theres no need to start panicking because its obvious he's just not that into me. It's so simple. But when I explain this to my female friends they don't agree at all, they reckon you're not gonna get anywhere if you sit back and wait for something to come your way, you should make the first move if you want something to happen etc.

Does anyone have an opinion on this?

Hell no! Girls should ask guys out whenever they feel like it. There are alot of reasons guys don't always make the first move, too many reasons to list. A girl asking out a guy is cool. I met a girl once who at first I didn't really feel any attraction to there for I never asked her out. I didn't even consider it. In fact I didn't even consider, considering it. The good news is that she asked me out and I figured sure why not. I ended up seeing her for about 5 months. She was really cool and I grew attracted to her pretty fast after hanging out with her outside our normal setting. There is nothing wrong with a gir asking a guy out. In fact it's a nice change.

This maybe stereotyping a bit but guys tend to ask anyone out So you may not always be sure of the motives. This coming form a guy Girls on the other hand tend not to make the first move there for if they do, it's a safer bet that they may actually be more interested in you than just a one nighter type of thing, which would be a good thing for a guy who might be ready for a girlfriend rather than the casual romp. Again that may be generalizing a bit too much.

 

[For Honor]

I'd just like to plug communication here, in this thread.


Regardless of who's doing the asking, for both people's sake, I reccomend being open and honest about what both people want in the relationship; communication + expectations. Really, I think that would solve a lot of problems.


But even then, it's not surefire, because especially if you just met someone, you don't know their vocabulary - what does "love" mean, when they say it? What does "commitment" mean? what does "spending time together" imply? All sorts of things.


I guess that's all I have to say. I don't think it is right or wrong for either sex to ask the other out. What if, for instance, two people were homosexual? Same thing. It's mostly about personalities.

Some people are initiators, some are stabilizers, some are mixes. But I guess the bottom line is .... it's better to ask then not too. If you really see something you want, why not give it a shot?

 

[Moonlit_Angel]

Excellent post, For Honor . Especially like the part about being honest and understanding their vocabulary-very true.

Angela

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

Honesty and communication =

There'd be a lot fewer problems between the sexes if those two things were more prevalent.

 

[For Honor]

I just heard something on the news, about how women's brains are different, etc. They are better at picking up emotions, subtelties, etc. And how they expect guys to be able to do the same. But in fact, most guys actually can't, because of how their brain works, and it stressed being very literal and upfront about communications with men.

I can accept that.


hmm..... just rambling here... but I suppose that's where decption and lies come in. It's not uncommon for guys to lie, or feign emotions, etc. I guess that can sway the "power" in things, sometimes, or at least a manipulation factor. But I say this to try to figure something out, between the rational unemotional, and the emotional sensative. That sort of yin yang paradox, maybe balance...


But then again....... it would make sense, if.... men repressed women for several several years, do to the fact that they were afraid of their potential/ability... Or maybe it's just a trade off, between physical and mental/emotional. or........

ah, I better stop now... I'm going all over the place.........

 

[Moonlit_Angel]

I just heard something on the news, about how women's brains are different, etc. They are better at picking up emotions, subtelties, etc. And how they expect guys to be able to do the same. But in fact, most guys actually can't, because of how their brain works, and it stressed being very literal and upfront about communications with men.

*Nods* My sociology book said similar things.

Angela

 

[joyfulgirl]

I've asked quite a few guys out. I hate to admit it, but I have to say that my experience without exception matches what the authors of "He's Just Not That Into You" say. I wanted to make fun of the book and give lots of examples of why it was all baloney but my personal experience says they're on to something. Nice to hear differently, though, from some of you men.

 

[WildHoneyAlways]

Honesty and communication =

There'd be a lot fewer problems between the sexes if those two things were more prevalent.

So very true. I think the problem may be that women are better communicators than men.
I'm sticking with the theory that many men are socially retarded. lol.

 

[AtomicBono]

I'd just like to say that this is a very interesting thread and it has killed some of my own misconceptions...I always thought the guy was supposed to ask out the girl and that if a girl asks out a guy she is just desperate. So is that not true??

 

[U2Man]

So very true. I think the problem may be that women are better communicators than men.
I'm sticking with the theory that many men are socially retarded. lol.

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

So very true. I think the problem may be that women are better communicators than men.
I'm sticking with the theory that many men are socially retarded. lol.

Not all of them are, although this summer I encountered a barrage of them.

I'd just like to say that this is a very interesting thread and it has killed some of my own misconceptions...I always thought the guy was supposed to ask out the girl and that if a girl asks out a guy she is just desperate. So is that not true??

I think that last sentence is the reason why I've never really asked a guy out. I think it's weird for some reason, unless it's a friends type thing and you just want to hang out. Then again, I haven't really had a guy friend here in years so I've forgotten what that's like. I also like the whole being pursued thing, as well.

 

[Moonlit_Angel]

I always thought the guy was supposed to ask out the girl and that if a girl asks out a guy she is just desperate. So is that not true??

I wouldn't say it is. I don't understand why society would think a woman would be desperate, but a guy wouldn't.

No, I think if a girl asks a guy out, chances are it's truly because she likes him and wants to, obviously, go out with him. There may be occasions where the motive may be different, but...no, a woman asking a guy out does not automatically equate to her being desperate.

Angela