Girl trouble again

The friendliest place on the web for anyone that follows U2.
If you have answers, please help by responding to the unanswered posts.
See posts with no answers
T

Tuvok

The Fly
Joined
Jul 31, 2005
Messages
34
Location
UK
Ok so here's the story. I met this girl on my university course about 15 months ago and straight away I was blown away by her. She was everything I wanted in a girl. Now normally I'm pretty rubbish when it comes to women. Before I met her I'd go so far as to say I had no close relationships with any girls really. So straightaway I knew this was different. I knew I had to do something to get closer to her, get to know her. I'd occasionally run into her at uni and say a few awkward words, but after a few weeks I knew I wasnt really getting anywhere. And to be honest it felt pretty sickening, I was becoming to obsessive about it. Luckily one of her best friends had taken a shine to me and my flatmate. And provided me with a way to get into this girls life more. And so we started to hang out socially as a group, her and her mates with me and some of mine. We weren't spending all our time together, a night out here and there every so often. But we were all becoming more familiar with each other. Then came the first bombshell. When we were all back home for the summer holidays I started talking to the best friend. She finds out about my crush and then drops the bomb......it ain't reciprocated. I felt completely gutted. I felt so helpless...I was miles away from the situation and the girl I was crazy about and now I find out that nothing can ever happen. So what did I do? I refused to give in. I had to change my tact I thought. Apparently she thought I was too whiney, not manly enough, not really her type. So when we restarted term I tried to be different. I went to the gym, took up new "aggressive" sports and decided to try to improve my image by socialising more with the, shall we say more popular people in the year. Did this work? Well not really. I tried seeing her less often so that when we did meet I could make more of an impact. It was really tough and in the process I saw her become closer to other guys - not nice at all. Then things hit rock bottom. She met someone else. There wasnt much I could do so I washed my hands of it all. I stop hanging out with her and her friends. I couldnt take it. It was too much for me to handle. I strongly toyed with the idea of burning my bridges and just never seeing any of them ever again. Then 2 months later they split up. I raised an eyebrow but nothing more. I still didnt really want to meet her again and undress those wounds. But I ran into her in the street and she invited me to her birthday. So I went. And we hit it off superbly. For some reason I felt like I could talk to her so much more easily than before. Even my friends, who had been highly critical of my pursuit of her before, said that we were really getting on. So we (me and her friends) started socialising again. And we continued to get on, so much easier than it had been before. I started to think again that maybe there might be a chance. Of course what had been said the previous summer was always lingering in the back of my head, which meant I kept putting off asking her out. This carried on until last week. I finally got sick of umming and ahing and I just bit the bullet and asked her out. And she said yes. This was it. 15 months of constant:banghead: and it had all paid off. My one chance. And...............................

I blew it. All the nerves came back. At times it was fine we talked like normal, but at others it felt like we were talking, not having a conversation. I said tonnes of stupid things and although I got a kiss at the end of the night I felt it couldnt have really gotten any worse. A week passed- she was away so I couldnt really get in touch- and I saw her again yesterday. She seemed pleased to see me. She was friendly and from what I could tell there was no awkwardness. So i tried organising a date for the next day. She replied she was busy with work because of her time off. I accepted that and offered the weekend. She again said she was busy and couldnt even spare a couple of hours. So I said how about next week. She said "yeah text me" and then scuttled off to her friends. Her best friend tells me that she didnt want to discuss the date with her friends like she normally does. Have I blown it? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Right now its taking all my will power not to pick up the phone and do something very stupid. Thanks for listening.
 
Tuvok, I must admit this is a hard situation. You don't know if you blew it and she didn't discuss the date with her friends. Women sometimes can be like closed books.

You said you've said "tonnes of stupid things". May I ask you what you said? Because maybe the things you said were not so stupid after all; you may think so, but, hey, you were nervous and when you feel like that, all the things you say seem awkward!

The best thing to do in a situation like this is to wait a few days, maybe a week, till things got more quiet and you and her got both your thoughts together. Then I think it's okay to call her and to talk over a cup of coffee.

One thing: It's important to just be yourself! That's the only way to be honest with her and, most important, with yourself. And if you are nervous or insecure it's okay to discuss that with her. She'll understand!

Good luck!:hug:
 
Well, first, congrats with the girlfriend! That's a lot better than the usual girl troubles here!


You said you were nervous and such, said stupid things. What did you say that's so stupid? Nerves are always there on a date, and you can't help them. If what you said is really bad, talk to her about it, be honest. Girls appreciate it if a guy's honest.
 
my advice:

"dont put the pussy on the pedestal" :lol:

if you arent going to man up and be someone she's actually attracted to, instead of worrying about her every move and trying to suck up to her and being a whiny little bitch about it, then dont be suprised when she avoids you like the plague or "only wants to be friends"
 
I guess when I say I said stupid things, I mean I ended up talking a lot of crap. I was trying too hard to be funny and ending up saying a lot of stuff that didnt really mean anything. The problem was the date went on for so long....like 4 hours cos we had to travel and I felt like I had to fill the whole time with talking. It got awkward cos I ran out of things to say...I mean i wouldnt even normally spend 4 hours alone with my best friend, never mind this scenario. And throughout the whole time I couldnt get out of my head the thought that maybe she was doing all this out of courtesy or something. So I felt I couldnt kill the tension by making a move or anything like that. I was hungry (she'd eaten dinner beforehand, I hadnt cos I thought we were going to get something) and tired by the end of it and so I really wasnt acting myself. So I cant really blame her if I put her off. But how can I convince her that it's worth a second chance? I've come too far to just let it die at this stage.....
 
if you keep trying to go after her like a little puppy dog following it's master, its gonna REALLY turn her off.

my best advice would be to stop thinking about it so much and play it cool.
 
Stop trying to fill every moment with talking. There's this thing called comfortable silence. It's really annoying when a guy just keeps talking. It's okay to be nervous, just STOP talking all the time. A little conversation is nice, but it has to come from both sides.
 
Ok I've taken all this on board. Thanks guys. She did say I can text her to do something next week. But what if she's reluctant to do anything? How should I play it?
 
Tuvok said:
Ok I've taken all this on board. Thanks guys. She did say I can text her to do something next week. But what if she's reluctant to do anything? How should I play it?
Click to expand...

Play it :cool:

dont be counting down the days until next week. maybe wait longer, like 2 weeks, make HER guess, or even better, if she likes you, she'll come to you

that way you dont come off as desperate :lol:
 
bigjohn2441 said:
Play it :cool:

dont be counting down the days until next week. maybe wait longer, like 2 weeks, make HER guess, or even better, if she likes you, she'll come to you

that way you dont come off as desperate :lol:
Click to expand...

Oh crikey. That's going to be difficult. 2 weeks.... also there's only 4 weeks left till we all go off home for the summer. Time's the one thing I don't really have...
 
well then unless you can work some kind of magic and become boyfriend/girfriend in 4 weeks, i'd say you're shit out of luck. unless you dont live that far away.
 
Tuvok said:
I refused to give in. I had to change my tact I thought. Apparently she thought I was too whiney, not manly enough, not really her type. So when we restarted term I tried to be different. I went to the gym, took up new "aggressive" sports and decided to try to improve my image by socialising more with the, shall we say more popular people in the year. Did this work? Well not really.
Click to expand...

This is the part that bothers me. You're trying to change to please her, to become something you're not in hopes she'll accept you. I don't think that'll work in the long term.
 
bigjohn2441 said:
Play it :cool:

dont be counting down the days until next week. maybe wait longer, like 2 weeks, make HER guess, or even better, if she likes you, she'll come to you

that way you dont come off as desperate :lol:
Click to expand...

I don't know why men think that women like it when you play these stupid ass games.

I agree there is something that is overbearing - calling 4 times a day, texting her constantly if you know that she's out with her friends or has other plans, wanting to see her every day and so on. Clearly there are limits.

But the idea that you shouldn't call a woman for 2 weeks so that she can guess or that you're going to force her into making a move is really bloody dumb.

If I am sort of seeing a guy and he doesn't call me for 2 weeks, he isn't going to hear from me because guess what? I'll come to the natural conclusion that he's not interested and that he's letting this thing die a natural death.
 
Sorry, I couldn't resist.

There's your problem!!

1-tuvok.jpg

You're a vulcan
 
anitram said:
I don't know why men think that women like it when you play these stupid ass games.

I agree there is something that is overbearing - calling 4 times a day, texting her constantly if you know that she's out with her friends or has other plans, wanting to see her every day and so on. Clearly there are limits.

But the idea that you shouldn't call a woman for 2 weeks so that she can guess or that you're going to force her into making a move is really bloody dumb.
Click to expand...

Haha. Ok, ok. I have to agree that it sounds really dumb and immoral... but the sad truth is that they work a lot of the time.
 
anitram said:
I don't know why men think that women like it when you play these stupid ass games.

I agree there is something that is overbearing - calling 4 times a day, texting her constantly if you know that she's out with her friends or has other plans, wanting to see her every day and so on. Clearly there are limits.

But the idea that you shouldn't call a woman for 2 weeks so that she can guess or that you're going to force her into making a move is really bloody dumb.

If I am sort of seeing a guy and he doesn't call me for 2 weeks, he isn't going to hear from me because guess what? I'll come to the natural conclusion that he's not interested and that he's letting this thing die a natural death.
Click to expand...


well i guess you are the same as every other woman on the planet.

i love how women try to shoot down these "stupid ass games" by generalizing ALL women by what THEY think. the truth is most YOUNG women, which is what we are talking about btw, dont even know what they want or how they feel most of the time. so i find it amusing when women, especially those who have matured and are past their 20's "having fun" stage, try and speak for ALL women based on what THEY think. :lol:

and i dont think of them as "stupid ass games", more as being someone women are attracted to, as opposed to being a whiney little chump that trys too hard to impress them all the time and gets nowhere.
 
bigjohn2441 said:
well i guess you are the same as every other woman on the planet.

i love how women try to shoot down these "stupid ass games" by generalizing ALL women by what THEY think. the truth is most YOUNG women, which is what we are talking about btw, dont even know what they want or how they feel most of the time. so i find it amusing when women, especially those who have matured and are past their 20's "having fun" stage, try and speak for ALL women based on what THEY think. :lol:
Click to expand...

Sounds to me like you're generalizing more than she was.
 
so i guess most girls in their teens and early 20s know exactly what i kind of guy they want :rolleyes:

but then again, what do i know? all i know is this shit works for me. :D
 
bigjohn2441 said:
i love how women try to shoot down these "stupid ass games" by generalizing ALL women by what THEY think. the truth is most YOUNG women, which is what we are talking about btw, dont even know what they want or how they feel most of the time. so i find it amusing when women, especially those who have matured and are past their 20's "having fun" stage, try and speak for ALL women based on what THEY think. :lol:
Click to expand...

Believe me, I knew how I felt when I was 22, that's absurd.

And for the record, I'm still in my 20s, but thanks for ageing me prematurely. :lol:
 
:giggle:

obviously i couldnt know your age, so i clearly didnt mean you.

and again, your views might not be representative of ALL young women.

and AGAIN, i only know what has worked for me in the past, and has worked for other dudes i knew. and im not talking about "stupid ass games", im talking about having the personality and attitude that women tend to find attractive, not being boring and whiney and acting desperate.
 
No, I agree with you on that part. I can't think of any of my friends who would find a really desperate guy to be attractive...much like I doubt that men find desperate women attractive (I think they can smell it a mile away).

But that said, I still totally disagree with this whole "don't call for 2 weeks" because believe me I know of no woman who would take that well. I'm absolutely certain that 100% of the women I know would take that as a sign of disinterest by the guy. I sure as hell would!
 
if you really liked the guy, wouldnt you want to find out what's up? and if you had no interest in him, would you really give a shit?

this girl doesnt seem interested in the OP, yet she must know he likes her, so he could use that to see if she has any interest, if she comes to him that means she probably has interest, if not then she probably doesnt. that's (at least in my mind) better than going back and back to plead to her to go out with him, which will DEFINITELY make things worse :lol:
 
bigjohn2441 said:
if you really liked the guy, wouldnt you want to find out what's up? and if you had no interest in him, would you really give a shit?
Click to expand...

If it were at that early a stage that I didn't know what was up, I wouldn't be attached enough to him to stress over it, and like Anitram, I'd probably assume disinterest on his part, and move on.

this girl doesnt seem interested in the OP, yet she must know he likes her, so he could use that to see if she has any interest, if she comes to him that means she probably has interest, if not then she probably doesnt. that's (at least in my mind) better than going back and back to plead to her to go out with him, which will DEFINITELY make things worse :lol:
Click to expand...

I do agree with this, though. Her response to him regarding trying to organize another date seemed half-hearted at best. I'd chill if I were him, and see if she makes any contact.
 
Agree with VP.

If it's a guy I've only been out with once or twice, and he doesn't call me for 2 weeks, I'm packing it in. There is just not enough emotional involvement to make it worth it. Plus I saw a great bumper sticker once, it said "never run after a bus or a man, because another one always comes along." :hyper:

This girl seems like she's not particularly thrilled with the idea of another date, so it's probably safe to assume that if she makes no move, it's time to move on.
 
So is the general consensus then that I should leave it to her to respond? I got to be honest I'm not too keen on the idea, for obvious reasons, but also, she's really not the type who would initiate something. Ideally what I need to know is a way to let her know that any impression I gave her on the first date wasn't the one I intended on giving. Like I said, I messed it up, but surely there's a way of repairing the damage? This isnt some girl I just met who I fancy, but rather someone I've developed really strong feelings for over a long period of time. I can't just give up on it now, surely?
 
Okay, here's what I would do: I wouldn't fall all over myself trying to explain away any odd behaviour on the date. She already knows you socially, and if you came across badly on the date, chances are she'll know it was nerves.

I also wouldn't contact her the minute she said it was okay to (she told you to text in a week or something?). If you don't hear from her first, and if you feel you must talk to her, give it a few days or a week after that. And then when you do contact her, don't ask for a date, play it a bit cooler than that. Is there any excuse you'd possibly have to contact her that's not date-related? Something you want to tell her about a common interest? Something interesting happening at school? Even if it's just that you wanted to check in to say hi to her, and see how things are going. Keep it casual. See how she reacts to that - does she seem warm and friendly, or is she acting cool toward you?

With me, being relentlessly pursued by someone I'm ambivalent about is a huge turn off.
 
Tuvok said:
This isnt some girl I just met who I fancy, but rather someone I've developed really strong feelings for over a long period of time. I can't just give up on it now, surely?
Click to expand...

THAT was your first mistake. falling too hard too fast makes your mind crazy, believe me i know.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

MrsSpringsteen
Gilead States Of America
Replies
16
Views
905
MrsSpringsteen
MrsSpringsteen
Miroslava
Friday, February 23, 2024 - MSG Sphere - Las Vegas, NV
Replies
2
Views
502
Miroslava
Miroslava
missilva17
Sphere pics
Replies
1
Views
257
MrsSpringsteen
MrsSpringsteen
S
"Red Zone"
Replies
4
Views
3K
Racerke
R
U
Hey there! I finally made an account here!
Replies
2
Views
272
U2_family365
U

Latest posts

Back
Top Bottom