fear of commitment

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earthshell

The Fly
Joined
Feb 10, 2005
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282
i can't stand relationships.

they're as close to slavery as you get. do this, do that, be there or be square. it's like having a full-time boss. how can you love anyone who hounds you like that?

i'd like a partner, sure, but why do they always have to be such a pain in the ass?
 
perhaps i've been meeting a few too many at bars.

i suppose i need advice on where to find them.
 
I've been married 15 years (as of the 10th), so I'm not up on the best places to look.

My guess is that the best relationships are those that aren't sought, but discovered in everyday life.
 
Yes, I am very lucky.

I guess all I'm saying is there is a "do this, do that" aspect to the relationship, but I find that love means wanting to do these things (even before being asked).
 
i guess that's true. i'm not totally happy being single, in all honesty. most of the relationships i've been in were fun for a while. i don't know how to deal with the leash aspect so well. maybe it gets better as it goes.

is it always about her though?

one might think so. i know it's a little selfish, but what's in it for me? every now and then, i'd like to get my way. is it all about bowing to their demands?

does this make people happy?
 
i know one girl who is just like this. maybe i should get you in touch with her so that you could start a love-hate relationship with her.

cause ive had enough of it. :huh:

the thing is, when you are truly in love with someone, who wont realize that youre 'on a leash'. and i wouldnt really call that a leash either..

rather 'stuck together with gods glue':wink:
 
nbcrusader said:
Yes, I am very lucky.

I guess all I'm saying is there is a "do this, do that" aspect to the relationship, but I find that love means wanting to do these things (even before being asked).



wow, nbcrusader, you are not only lucky, but you seem to know what you are talking about. And I'm glad, because that's sort of how I feel about things, so hopefully I can say what you have said one day.


But I'm just a kid, I guess.



Earthshell - as odd as it seems, remember that there are a lot of kinds of people in the world. There are others like you who want to be in a good give and take relationships, all you need to do is find her.

Make sure you look in the right places, because, I know someone who spends all his days looking for one kind of person in the exact opposite place where that kind of person would be, and then he wonders why he is never happy.

I guess I don't have much advice, but, try to find a good "hunting ground", and make sure you express and communicate your goals as far as the relationship is concerned.

Do you want something informal, or long term, or something else?



There are a lot of different people around this place. But really........








as far as I am concerned, sometimes what you want isn't availible where you are, and you have to go and get it somewhere else. Or perhaps, wait, and then go and get it..............
 
earthshell said:
they're as close to slavery as you get. do this, do that, be there or be square. it's like having a full-time boss. how can you love anyone who hounds you like that?
uhh geez, i wouldn't dare put slavery and a relationship in the same sentence! :huh:

the aspect you don't like doesn't seem like a big deal when you meet someone you really love. it isn't a huge sacrifice because you want to be there for them and do right by them. like nbcrusader said, the things you find unbelievable now, when you meet the right person, will seem like no problem.

i'm currently going through a divorce, but it's very amicable. we're still friends. i had a bad car accident recently and needed constant supervision for a while because i really couldn't do anything on my own. he took care of me and quite literally nursed me back to health. i didn't ask him to do it and he told me even if he'd moved away, he would've found a way to come back and take care of me. that is love right there, when it doesn't seem like a hassle to do something, you do it because you want the very best for the person you love and the one thing you want most in the world is to give it to them.
 
earthshell said:

is it always about her though?

one might think so. i know it's a little selfish, but what's in it for me? every now and then, i'd like to get my way. is it all about bowing to their demands?


Interestingly, I found just the opposite -- it was always about him. And statistically more men than women are happy being married.
 
indra said:


Interestingly, I found just the opposite -- it was always about him. And statistically more men than women are happy being married.





That's interesting..... sterotypically, we are convinced that women are supposed to love marriage, but I can see how that may not be true.

I can see a little too clearly as to why that may not be true.....


But at the same time, I am rather dissapointed that so many women are unhappy.


Sounds like men aren't doing what they need to do....

Or is it women who are causing their own problems?



Maybe both.




this strikes me, because, though I have my wonders about it being true with all the divorces nowadays, I sort of do want to get married and all that.

but so be it
 
Sometimes I wonder just how man people are capable of/want to be in

a long term commited relationship.




Not one out of insecurity, out of money, or commitment


but how many people actually want to be in a reltionship.


Maybe I should get a poll up about that........
 
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