Father is very happy (BUT BORED OUT OF MY F**KING MIND!!!) - U2 Feedback

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Old 07-18-2013, 11:11 PM   #1
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Father is very happy (BUT BORED OUT OF MY F**KING MIND!!!)

Let me paraphrase this by saying that I am a happily married man with 2 beautiful, healthy and wonderful young children. I know I have a good life, and am grateful for them everyday.

But lately the worklife / homelife routine has become a bit tedious, and boring. I feel like my work has a way of spilling over even after I'm home. And I feel like my wife is calling me all the time while I'm at work, and I can't give 100% on either front. I take no time for myself, because honestly, there is none to have. My wife never wants to go anywhere or do anything, unless we bring the kids. I like spending time out as a family, but lets face it, you spend the whole time corralling your kids around, and not having much adult conversation. Plus, ALL my wife talks about anymore is the kids. It's like there's no point in bringing up any other topics because she's either too busy with the kids, or she's still thinking about the kids or kid related matters and isn't listening anyway. Our only reliable source of babysitting is my parents, and we hate to abuse their kindness. We usually have to use them as babysitters for something we HAVE/NEED to do, and never get babysitters for things we WANT to do. I can't even remember the last time we had a "date night". I'd love to do that sometime. Dinner, drinks, maybe even see a movie!

A friend of mine is in town for 2 weeks visiting. He is from here originally, but now lives in Hawaii. It used to be a weeklong celebration when he came in to town. Then we'd have 1 or 2 nights out while he was home. This time I haven't even seen him at all, and I'm pretty sure I won't since he leaves in 2 days. No big deal, stuff happens, but it's a sign of things changing. I feel like all my married friends are so hard to get on the same page, because everybody has to "ask" their wives if they can get together with their friends, and nobody's schedule lines up. But I can't really relate to my single friends anymore. They're always "on the prowl". I haven't been single in over 8 years, so I don't really understand what they're doing. Sitting around a loud, crowded bar listening to music I hate while not being able to hear the people I'm with is not my idea of a good time. Does that make me lame? Maybe to some, but I think being 31 and hanging out in the same bars as college kids is kind of lame, so whatever.

I am not yet at the point where my kid's activities will get me out and about and meet new adults. I live in a really small town, so opportunities to "branch out" are kind of limited. Opportunities of any kind are limited around here. If I want to drive to Columbus, there are endless possibilities of things I could do, but that's an hour away.

I'm not sure what the point of this rant is, or what to do about the situation. Anybody else ever felt similar??

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Old 07-19-2013, 12:30 AM   #2
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I hope you can convince your wife that for the sake of your marriage, you and she really do need to be able to have some "just you two" time once in a while. Whether your parents babysit or you find a paid babysitter, you NEED to do that! Do you think she'd be amenable to even *talking* about it?

Good luck!

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Old 07-19-2013, 10:50 AM   #3
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MsPurrl is right...find a babysitter, swap off with other parents, talk to the grandparents about watching your kids. If that doesn't work, put the kids to bed early, and have an at home date night...order in and sit at the table and talk...no tv, no phones, no computers, etc...

It's hard with little kids...they take up so much of your time and energy. You and your wife need time alone to keep your marriage strong. It's ok to talk about them...they're kind of dominating your life right now, but really try to do some stuff that doesn't have anything to do with them...go for a walk, cook a nice meal together..try to do something together that you did before you had kids.

Remember, it's just a phase. Even though it doesn't seem like it now, they grow up so fast! Before you know it, it will be just the 2 of you again! Good luck!
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Old 07-25-2013, 08:08 AM   #4
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Originally Posted by U2Mama View Post
You and your wife need time alone to keep your marriage strong.
Exactly! This is so important in a relationship!

Talk to your wife about doing nice things together once in a while. Surprise her, book a nice hotel in Columbus, go to a nice restaurant and to a pub. Take the children to their grandparents for a sleepover party, I think your parents will understand that you and your wife need time together.

What about the other grandma and/or grandpa? Wouldn't it be fun for them to babysit once in a while?

Good luck!
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Old 07-25-2013, 08:29 AM   #5
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Also keep in mind that your wife is also probably out of her gourd as well, even though it looks like she's handling things really well. It sounds like maybe she is at home with the kids while you are at work? So while it's really sweet and lovely to be able to do that, it also means that she's "at work" one hundred percent of the time. It's little wonder she can't mentally disengage to hang with you and talk about other things. One thing that you can do without tapping other resources is take on some childcare yourself so that she can walk away and think about something other than kids for a couple of hours a week- go hang with a friend and have some grownup conversation. Even though it won't be with you, it's going to help her remember her whole personhood and be a much better companion when she is with you.

Know how when you have no hopes of leaving a situation or a job, you can accept it pretty well but as soon as you decide to give your notice you realize how much you need a change? Mothering is kind of like that. Women can get totally immersed- it never stops and it's so demanding that they really don't even have the time and energy to think about the things they used to like to do- those things are so far out of reach that it's like fabulous, unrealistic fantasies. But if they can get a little space- some time in the coffeeshop all to themselves, a lie-out in the sun without worrying about anyone drowning- then they can start to remember all those things. That she liked things other than kids- that she likes you- that time to yourselves together can be realistic and worthwhile. And you might see her motivation go up a lot. And you might enjoy her a lot more.

And then, after giving her time alone once in a while if you were to make arrangements for childcare for the two of you to go out regularly, make the plans all by yourself without making a fuss about the money or asking the favors, I'm pretty sure your stock would go up a ton. You might get a husband of the year award. Her friends might think you're the greatest ever. She might think you're very cute all of a sudden.

I recently did something like this- my husband is the one who can't let go of everyday duties. I basically told my mom that we needed some time on a regular basis- once a year or so it not enough, because one evening hardly gives you time to remember who you are, let alone what you used to talk about. It's been huge for us. Now I find that we both really need it, or our moods deteriorate pretty seriously. It sounds like you guys are in a survival mode which can work for a long time. Work towards first giving, then getting for both of you more than that, and you'll have a much better time.
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Old 06-30-2014, 01:43 AM   #6
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I'm in the same boat as you. I'm married with 2 kids, beautiful one too.

Firstly, I would be telling my wife this, not some random people on a U2 site. If you tell her and she doesn't listen then it's really up to you what you do, bit least you've given her a chance.

Secondly, I'm assuming nobody held a gun to your head when you walked down the aisle or when you got your misses up the duff ( that means pregnant)?

We all feel a bit isolated and like life is the same old but your a father and should be a bit more responsible. I'm not having a pop here my friend but seriously, man the fuck up. Tell your wife, enjoy your beautiful kids because from what people tell me the grow up bloody quickly.

Peace my brother

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