Ever since I was about 9, I have been afraid, or fearful of, silhouettes in a doorway while I am in bed or sleeping.
I know this is old stuff, but opening doors while I am in bed freezes me.
I feel paralyzed and start to panic.
My heart races and I wake up straight away.
I know it's because the numerous times many of my mothers friends came into my room to molest me.
Hearing the doorknob turn, the slow opening of the door and the momentary hesitation of the shadow in the doorway.
I would slit my eyes open, just barely so they wouldn't know I was awake, but enough to see who it would be that night.
To this day, I ask Ron to either come to bed at the same time, or go to bed before me.
Just ask him, I still scream and/or jump when he opens the door if I have gone to bed before him.
Alas, I do believe this is a fear that will go to me to my grave.
Also, I had a serious fear of knives/scissors from the age of 14 until I was 33-34.
When I was 14, a man broke into my grand parents home to find my sister.
She was not home, and I ran into him in the hallway coming out of my room.
There was a shelf that had a few cans that had crayons and pencils and scissors in them,
and he grabbed a very long pair of shears, put his arm around my neck and placed the tips of the scissors to my throat, demanding I tell him where my sister was.
He pushed me back into my room,and slammed the door...which (possibly) saved my life, because it woke my grandfather.
But in the 3-4 mins it took him to come out of his room (yelling all the way), the man was able to pull his pants down and mine, and attempted to rape me.
When my grandfather came to my door, the man told me to say everything was ok..but instead I screamed at my grandfather to please go away...
the scissors were pressed hard against my neck.
The door was locked, but the guy pulled himself together, and jumped out the window.
I never ever told my grandfather what really happened, he would have lost it on my sister and me, and blamed us.
So ever since, I never picked them up, or used a knife.
When there were knives to wash at home or work, I never did it.
I just couldn't until I was in my early 30's .
Then one day when I was 33-ish, I cooked my first husband a steak, and couldn't provide him a knife, I was so scared of picking one up.
But something came over me, and I litterally forced myself to hold the huge steak knife.
I held the black plastic handle in my hand, and cried.
It was so,so difficult, but i knew this object could no longer have power over me.
The relief and strength I felt was amazing.
I know this all sounds silly, sorry.
I wish you all well in any help you need to overcome.
's to you all.
I don't mind looking at them...as long as they're not on me. It comes and goes. Sometimes, I'd go to bed and feel them on me and i'd freak out. But really, there weren't any...It went away, but now it's kinda back. My apartment is full of white ones. Really gross. But now that I'm moving back at my parents, I'll be alright...
How so?
I've actually never, ever had a problem before, in all my years of travelling, until very recently, in the past year or so. I don't really know what happened 
.... on a flight up to Cairns, Queensland, about a 18 months ago, it suddenly occured to me that .... O M G !! I'm 50 thousand feet up in the air in a plastic and metal tube .. get me out of here 
