R
romancandle
Guest
i left her about a 2 years ago due to some fucked up shit that happened to me (B.S.E) i got hurt real bad and had to move home. away from her . we keep together the best i know how over 300 miles of turf, but we make it. were in love and have planns weve created over the past 5 years. i love this woman and dont know what i would do without her. shes helped me so much and has been my pinacle of strength for what i feel like the time ive spent growing up. shes hurting now. she tells me that shes been doing things i havent known about and tells me that shes in 3 days a week rehab for using cocaine and rediculous drinking. I HAD NO I D E A how bad it was. we partied together a few times , ive done it in the past. but confusing the words COULD and WANT to die was never a struggle in the throws of my drinkin and druggin. i always feel incontroll cause i know whats it like not to be. but shes tough. she liked to be in controll and has lost who she was in the past. ridden with axiety and obsession she broke down and told it all to everyone and is walking tward the light. still theres so many feelings that hurt me so bad. shes not happy and is scared and im scared. i dont know what to do and know only to be with her but i cant . im here and shes there. i feel fucked up . i want to succmb to the feelings i have in me to hurt. i want to feel as bad as i can. i dont want it to be my fault, but i could have prevented it. im so much to blame for myself. i do it to myself and other people get hurt. i want to get out of my place and be with her, im fucking in 2 years of school living at home with no money. what the fuck am i going to do. shit is fucked up . im getting pissed.
