Did you ever get the feeling...

[Devlin]

... that everything in life is just about Epic Failure?

Not just failure, but the "My life just fell apart." kind of failure, where no matter what you do, it just... fails?

I mean, really, I'm 34. My life should be all good, right? Everything should be perfect, right now. I'm supposed to be the one who has it all together. I'm supposed to know everything and be perfect.

This is not the case. And nobody seems to notice, or care, that I could really, really use a break from expectations, right now.

I could use a direction I'm supposed to be headed in.

Because, at this point 'Soaked' by Adam Lambert is totally a channel for my life right now. Even if the 'someone new' is me.

What a strange place to be in.

 

[cobl04]

i would think that perceiving everything being about epic failure is not a great way to look at life.

 

[last unicorn]

i would think that perceiving everything being about epic failure is not a great way to look at life.

That's right. You become what you think.

I am basically your age and I've gone through some very difficult phases in my life. Still I learned that there is always a way out and it's important to concentrate on positive things instead of just seing the dark side of everything. We are the only people who have the power to shape our life the way we want it to be. I wish you strength and that you can find a constructive way out of your situation.

 

[JanuaryStar]

I know the feeling very well, but I think that even though in some periods of life it's really true (aka one thing after another going wrong and there's just no light at the end of the tunnel), in other periods, you are so afraid of things failing again, that the negative sides are outshadowing the positive ones. And sometimes it is very, very hard to believe that times will be better again, because it seems only bad things strike you and things are far from perfect. I have been in this situation for quite a few years and had a lot of bad shit to go through even at such a young age. But I think the thing to do, and for everyone that's different, is that you try to get some courage out of certain things in life again. This way, even though you are still struck by bad things more than 'the average person', you get to cope with it all better and see things more in perspective. Know this is a very hard thing and it took me quite some time to do this. But talking with other people who have had the same experiences might help a great deal. Dealing alone with your own things and staying 'stuck' in that vicious circle is not going to help. I wish you a lot of good luck with it all, though, because it is not an easy thing to deal with If you ever need some advice or just want to talk or anything, send me a message.

 

[Galeongirl]

Why are you supposed to know everything and be perfect at everything at a certain age? Every life is different.

 

[mad1]

my life has fallen apart. Its not perfect in that, its not how I wish it was, in my head. I feel I have failed, Im with ya.

 

[Earl-Of-IMDb]

This is not the case. And nobody seems to notice, or care, that I could really, really use a break from expectations

I like what you say here, through experience on my own life, people are going to have certain expectations of you. far as me, i have been drag down for reasons similar to what you said here. peoples expectations are always high, and people will always continue to act this way. but i learned you can't please everyone, you have to speak up and defend yourself when you have to and have confidence in yourself..

 

[Devlin]

Why are you supposed to know everything and be perfect at everything at a certain age? Every life is different.

When you grow up in a ghetto, yet sound like you come from an upper middle class neighborhood, people start looking at you like some kind of savior. Or Martin Luther King, which is worse, in that you're doomed to be thought of as 'too good for us!' Not true, but that's what I get faced with -- others being intimidated by me, for no good reason other than I don't do broken English very well.

I had a fun life growing up. Really. Teachers going, "You could be the next Martin Luther King!" Great. So now in addition to having to duck bullets to get to school, I now have to write Inspiring Sermons(tm)? Are you kidding me? Yeah, how about I just don't go there. MLK is so not someone I want to emulate. Unfortunately, this doesn't go over so well if you're Black. Oops.

 

[Galeongirl]

Sounds like you care way too much what other people think of you. You live your life, and you are the only one who can have complete control of your life. Start taking control and care less about what other people think! What do YOU think you should do with your life?

 

[Devlin]

Absolutely nothing, actually. And that's the problem. I don't want to "DO" anything with my life, and get tremendous pressure because of it. I have no desire to have a life 'purpose' or any such creature. I'm at the point where I've had enough of 'doing', or 'inspiring', or 'being' anything. Enough is enough, I guess that's where I am. People consider that wasteful, and consider it their sworn duty to convince me otherwise. You're right, though, I've got to stop worrying about it so much, even when there's a tiny part of me that wonders if they're right and I'm wrong. You hear that message so many times, and it gets to you, even if you don't want to give a damn.

Times when I've never been happier? Goofing around with musical instruments. Being immersed in glam rock and reading a book. Or any such non-traditional thing that makes people roll they're eyes and hide their children.

 

[kafrun]

Maybe the reason you don't feel you have a purpose is because you've been pressured by people to have one and you've shut down because of it. If you stop focusing on what others want you to do and take a bit of time for introspection, I think you'll figure out what your "purpose" is. I don't think there's a timeline for when it should happen, either. Some people don't figure out what they were meant to do/be/etc. until later in life, mainly because they were too busy being what parents/mentors/society deemed worthy.

 

[Purplereign]

^ pretty much all of what Kaffy said

Hope you find your peace Devlin

 

[Galeongirl]

Maybe the reason you don't feel you have a purpose is because you've been pressured by people to have one and you've shut down because of it. If you stop focusing on what others want you to do and take a bit of time for introspection, I think you'll figure out what your "purpose" is. I don't think there's a timeline for when it should happen, either. Some people don't figure out what they were meant to do/be/etc. until later in life, mainly because they were too busy being what parents/mentors/society deemed worthy.

^That was pretty much what I was getting at. Kaf just worded it way better than I ever could.

 

[MrPryck2U]

Maybe you should seek the counsel of a professional.

 

[love_u2_adam]

... that everything in life is just about Epic Failure?

Not just failure, but the "My life just fell apart." kind of failure, where no matter what you do, it just... fails?

I mean, really, I'm 34. My life should be all good, right? Everything should be perfect, right now. I'm supposed to be the one who has it all together. I'm supposed to know everything and be perfect.

This is not the case. And nobody seems to notice, or care, that I could really, really use a break from expectations, right now.

I could use a direction I'm supposed to be headed in.

Because, at this point 'Soaked' by Adam Lambert is totally a channel for my life right now. Even if the 'someone new' is me.

What a strange place to be in.

YUP! I should feel really great! Like my life is beautiful but most of the time i feel stupid. I hated (!!!!!) elementary, middle and high school, I'm not that smart when it comes to secondary learning, but psychology (it was a high school AP class that treated me like a college student) i can bust out honor roll APA papers. My brother is getting awards out his fucking ass. I'm jealous and i feel like I'm a complete failure because i never got any awards. My boyfriend is getting scholarships and awards also, he got unconditional acceptance into University of Alberta (one of the worlds highest ranks universities) and has an almost perfect GPA, all his brothers are also very smart and I'm really jealous. But me.... I have to fight like a bitch just to try and get into college because my diploma marks sucked!! So yes i feel like an academic failure most of the time.