Dating: easier for men or women?

[joerags]

I could never ever see myself asking a woman out. I am not attractive. To me, in order to be in the dating game, you have to be physically attractive to start off with. Then it comes down to personality, charm, financial security, yada, yada, yada..... Physical attraction is the most important thing in the dating game. It's clinically proven.

When you ask women what are the qualities they look for in a guy, they always say the same things: personality, sense of humor, confidence, etc. They never say looks. You know why? Because it's understood that looks have to be a given. It's like saying, "Well, he has to be a male." Duh. Of course, he has to be a male. If a woman says, "Well, he has to be good-looking." Well, Duh. Of course, he has to be good-looking.

 

[MrPryck2U]

The last girl I dated I met online. I dated her for 9 months, but the last couple of months were kind of shitty. I don't think I'd do that again. I'd prefer to meet someone in person first. I know a decent amount of women, but most of them are married and I'm also friends with their husbands. And the ones that aren't married are batshit crazy.

 

[corianderstem]

Ohhhh, so this is another thread where you again talk about just how awful and horrible you are.

Joe, have you ever considered seeing a therapist?

I don't know what you are trying to accomplish by coming here to put yourself down time after time, but you have the lowest self-esteem of anyone I've ever interacted with. The internet is not going to help you with that.

How do you expect anyone to love you when you don't even like yourself?

 

[corianderstem]

The last girl I dated I met online. I dated her for 9 months, but the last couple of months were kind of shitty. I don't think I'd do that again. I'd prefer to meet someone in person first.

You wouldn't do it again because the last few months of the 9 months were shitty? Sounds like more than the first half of your time together was fine - I don't think meeting her in person first would have given you a different outcome.

 

[MrPryck2U]

Ohhhh, so this is another thread where you again talk about just how awful and horrible you are.

Joe, have you ever considered seeing a therapist?

Yeah, I would imagine that's the million dollar question at this point?

 

[juliaguliaxo94]

Joe, seriously? How many threads are you gonna start in order to express your self-hatred? Here we are, taking part in conversation answering your questions and trying to help you, and you never even acknowledge it. You just keep beating yourself up. Excessive self pity is always uglier than external looks.

Also, how's this:

This guy has a wife. Don't believe me, look it up.Now if you're talking physical looks, this is probably the pits, and he still has a woman who loves him, who's looked past his rather freakish exterior and found someone lovable inside.

COME ON ALREADY. If this isn't inspiration I don't know what is.

 

[bono_man2002]

Physical attraction is the most important thing in the dating game. It's clinically proven.
.

Granted. But what you think is attractive, and what a girl thinks is attractive can be polar opposites. (I hope that makes some sense)

 

[MrPryck2U]

You wouldn't do it again because the last few months of the 9 months were shitty? Sounds like more than the first half of your time together was fine - I don't think meeting her in person first would have given you a different outcome.

I probably should have said I'd like to meet someone through an introduction as opposed to just in person. Perhaps knowing someone who already knew her would have been more beneficial for me.

We dated for 9 months, but over those 9 months I discovered that she would always be a taker and not a giver. I prefer more of a balance.

 

[corianderstem]

Picky.

 

[No spoken words]

Granted. But what you think is attractive, and what a girl thinks is attractive can be polar opposites. (I hope that makes some sense)

Of course it makes sense.

All people want to date someone they find attractive, that's human nature.....but what people deem to be attractive varies wildly, and certainly your personality/charisma/sense of humor can alter the way you are perceived as well.

Bottom line is nothing ventured, nothing gained. If you sit at home all night whining about how women don't like you, yet you never even try to ask one out, well, you reap what you sow.

 

[kafrun]

If you value your sanity, I'd rethink going out with that woman. Back out now while you still can.

Stfu. Jealous.

^ I can just see the ZC post three months later -

"Help, I am stranded in the South of France, lost everything at the casino, they repossesed the Ferrari, and kaffy left me after the bailliffs arrived"

Hey, that was ONCE, but you're never going to let it go, are you?

Of course it makes sense.

All people want to date someone they find attractive, that's human nature.....but what people deem to be attractive varies wildly, and certainly your personality/charisma/sense of humor can alter the way you are perceived as well.

Bottom line is nothing ventured, nothing gained. If you sit at home all night whining about how women don't like you, yet you never even try to ask one out, well, you reap what you sow.

This.

 

[MrPryck2U]

Of course it makes sense.

All people want to date someone they find attractive, that's human nature.....but what people deem to be attractive varies wildly, and certainly your personality/charisma/sense of humor can alter the way you are perceived as well.

Bottom line is nothing ventured, nothing gained. If you sit at home all night whining about how women don't like you, yet you never even try to ask one out, well, you reap what you sow.

Yeah, that pretty much is the Bottom Line.

 

[MrPryck2U]

Picky.

I know, I'm wacky like that.

 

[bono_man2002]

Of course it makes sense.

All people want to date someone they find attractive, that's human nature.....but what people deem to be attractive varies wildly, and certainly your personality/charisma/sense of humor can alter the way you are perceived as well.

Bottom line is nothing ventured, nothing gained. If you sit at home all night whining about how women don't like you, yet you never even try to ask one out, well, you reap what you sow.

Because I suck with words, This

 

[corianderstem]

I'm sorry if my post was too harsh, but you have to admit you do have a habit of putting yourself down to the worst level here.

I can only assume you do it because you want someone to hear you. We hear you, but you need to be telling someone who can help you, not a bunch of people on a screen.

 

[Edge_Orchestra]

Dating is super easy for me. Plenty of rich, good-looking bad boys, I don't know where to start. I loove going out, being spoiled, then taken advantage of, and eventually treated poorly. I eat it right up and hang on to him until I become a desperate, pathetic mess and he dumps me for someone new and exciting. It's all good, though. Plenty more men willing to take advantage of my vulnerable state, and the fun starts all over again.


That, or I actually rarely "date" and the notion of a huge number of men to choose from is debatable.

I'd never treat you (or anyone) poorly like that. And anyone that is dumb enough to treat you as such doesn't deserve the wonderfulness dipped in awesome that IS Ms. Kafrun.

But maybe it is the 'bad boys' that you are attracted to? Maybe the bad boys are merely bad for you?

I've had some female friends that have gone through what you have. They say "I want a nice man. I want someone that treats me with respect"... But they continue to search for the 'bad boys.

But I am sure that there is someone amazing there for you. And they will be there and ready for you when you are ready for them. And they will treat you amazing. Which is what everyone deserves.

 

[Achtung11]

I have a hard time approaching guys I don't know, and they don't tend to approach me when I'm out, so online works well.

When you talk about meeting guys online, have you considered Interference.com?

 

[coolian2]

Ohhhh, so this is another thread where you again talk about just how awful and horrible you are.

Joe, have you ever considered seeing a therapist?

I don't know what you are trying to accomplish by coming here to put yourself down time after time, but you have the lowest self-esteem of anyone I've ever interacted with. The internet is not going to help you with that.

How do you expect anyone to love you when you don't even like yourself?

you know, i'm stunned that these threads actually generate intelligent discourse. it affirms my flagging faith in interference, even if the original intent of the thread is a simple case of rinse and repeat.

nobody ever got a date by sitting on the internet whining about themselves.

 

[kafrun]

I'd never treat you (or anyone) poorly like that. And anyone that is dumb enough to treat you as such doesn't deserve the wonderfulness dipped in awesome that IS Ms. Kafrun.

But maybe it is the 'bad boys' that you are attracted to? Maybe the bad boys are merely bad for you?

I've had some female friends that have gone through what you have. They say "I want a nice man. I want someone that treats me with respect"... But they continue to search for the 'bad boys.

But I am sure that there is someone amazing there for you. And they will be there and ready for you when you are ready for them. And they will treat you amazing. Which is what everyone deserves.

"the wonderfulness dipped in awesome that IS Ms. Kafrun."



I was being completely sarcastic. I don't go for bad boys, never have. Any man who steps out of line gets the eyebrow , and then I make like a tree and LEAF unless and until he gets the picture.(And that DEFINITELY happens if he doesn't appreciate my ubernerdy jokes, psssh).

I deserve and expect to be treated well, as does any woman, as does anyone. Shame some people can't see that.

I have no doubt someone great is out there for me. I've already had a couple of fantastic guys in my life..... and one very unfantastic guy. I learned alllll the lessons I needed to know with him.

But not to take this thread completely off-topic, there is someone for everyone, but you have to love yourself first, etc. etc., cliche, etc.

 

[corianderstem]

When you talk about meeting guys online, have you considered Interference.com?

Yeah, but Bono apparently doesn't think we're a good match, because he won't respond to my winks, pokes and ice breakers!

 

[Diemen]

winks, pokes and ice breakers!

[cartman]Lame.[/cartman]

That said, I met my fiancée on match.com (there was no poking or winking), so whatever floats your boat.

 

[corianderstem]

I would like it state for the record that the few times I've ventured into the online dating world, I had no use for winks, pokes and ice breakers. Messages containing full sentences only, thankyouverymuch.

 

[Edge_Orchestra]

"the wonderfulness dipped in awesome that IS Ms. Kafrun."



I was being completely sarcastic. I don't go for bad boys, never have. Any man who steps out of line gets the eyebrow , and then I make like a tree and LEAF unless and until he gets the picture.(And that DEFINITELY happens if he doesn't appreciate my ubernerdy jokes, psssh).

I deserve and expect to be treated well, as does any woman, as does anyone. Shame some people can't see that.

I have no doubt someone great is out there for me. I've already had a couple of fantastic guys in my life..... and one very unfantastic guy. I learned alllll the lessons I needed to know with him.

But not to take this thread completely off-topic, there is someone for everyone, but you have to love yourself first, etc. etc., cliche, etc.

As usual, Kaf is the smartest girl in class. (Hands her a gold star).

Cliche as it may sound it is true.

My friend Karen once told me that there are three things that a woman can smell from a mile away.
1) Desperation.
2) Lack of confidence
3) The scent of another woman on their man

She said the first two will keep a man lonely. And the third will get his @ss kicked.

 

[Pearl]

I have trouble dating too, mainly because I do not have the finances to hang out with friends as much as I want or try speed dating, which is something I really want to take a shot at.

As for online dating, I am fed up with it. I have dated guys from those sites and they either were psycho or assholes, mostly the latter.

I'm almost 30 and my biological clock is starting to tick. While at I usually turn down guys who are divorced and/or already have a kid, I am starting to reconsider. I am entering an age where it would be really hard not to find guy with that sort of baggage.

 

[MrPryck2U]

you know, i'm stunned that these threads actually generate intelligent discourse. it affirms my flagging faith in interference, even if the original intent of the thread is a simple case of rinse and repeat.

nobody ever got a date by sitting on the internet whining about themselves.

What sucks though is it seems the OP has left the discussion.

We've all had shitty times at one point looking for that significant other out there. If the OP has got a job and a car, shit, that's half the battle right there.

If he thinks he's not that good looking, than stay away from chicks who you think are too hot to handle or approach for that matter. Those plain Jane chicks could use a date too. Maybe you shoot for them instead.


A long time ago, I thought I'd never meet someone and when I finally did, it was when I wasn't looking. We were together for a few years and were even engaged to be married. Before we made the plunge, though, we decided we just weren't a good fit for each other and went our separate ways. Yeah, it sucked, but it was for the best. I felt fortunate enough to have at least loved someone and lost than to have never loved at all. That cliche unfortunately holds true. The tough part is trying to find that special connection with someone else. I met someone after her, but we didn't have that special connection. Unfortunately, it took us 9 months to figure that out.

I haven't dated in about a year and a half. I've met a number of women, but the timing always seems to be off. I don't mind being single. I like being able to my own thing, but eventually, I'm sure that will get stale.

 

[BoMac]

As usual, Kaf is the smartest girl in class. (Hands her a gold star).

I wholeheartedly disagree with this on many levels. I mean, come on, seriously?

My friend Karen once told me that there are three things that a woman can smell from a mile away.
1) Desperation.
2) Lack of confidence
3) The scent of another woman on their man

She said the first two will keep a man lonely. And the third will get his @ss kicked.

But I do agree with this 100%.

However, all of this has been told to Mr. Rags in the past, and yet he continually creates self-loathing threads/posts. It's getting a little old and tiring, if you ask me.

A little confidence in yourself will go a long way with women. A long way.

 

[BoMac]

If he thinks he's not that good looking, then stay away from chicks who you think are too hot to handle or approach for that matter. Those plain Jane chicks could use a date too. Maybe you shoot for them instead.

This might be the worst advice ever, in my humble opinion. I do hope you were joking.

 

[Edge_Orchestra]

I wholeheartedly disagree with this on many levels. I mean, come on, seriously?

But I do agree with this 100%.

However, all of this has been told to Mr. Rags in the past, and yet he continually creates self-loathing threads/posts. It's getting a little old and tiring, if you ask me.

A little confidence in yourself will go a long way with women. A long way.

My comment to Kaf was as she made a good point. Actually, a few good points. (She's smart like that)

It was not meant to be a slight to anyone else (if that is the way you took it).

 

[Pearl]

However, all of this has been told to Mr. Rags in the past, and yet he continually creates self-loathing threads/posts. It's getting a little old and tiring, if you ask me.

Joerags has been doing this for years. Creating threads such as this, asking people to feel sorry for him and so on. I think its time everyone started to ignore him and maybe he'll stop.

 

[RedRocksU2]

this might be the worst advice ever, in my humble opinion. I do hope you were joking.

+1