dancing....aggh

[AttnKleinkind]

Hey everyone. I think this might be something that I just need to get off my chest, so hopefully this isn't too boring (but any other thoughts/advice/related feelings would be much appreciated!)

I'm a 22 year old young woman and I just came from a wedding last night. I'm not really someone who goes out and goes dancing or clubbing - not because I don't want to, but because I feel so awkward when I try and dance. However, I always thought that if I was actually relaxed enough I could probably do it, and I had never tried dancing before after a couple drinks either. The last time I danced was at my high school grad, so it's been a while. I thought that with the confidence I'd gotten throughout university and through different relationships would help me, but holy crap I was so wrong.

I've always wanted to be able to just dance and have fun, but I had always been held back from fear of what others thought of me, thus making myself dance awkwardly, which of course made me even more self-conscious. Tonight though, at the wedding...I found out that it's not just that I feel self-conscious (which was still true, but a far cry from the extent that I used to feel) I actually did not know what to do.

I was pretty relaxed, but like...I couldn't even think of what to do with my body. When I first started my boyfriend was trying to help me and was telling me to not worry and to just 'feel it' - I discovered I have actually no concept of rhythm. No exaggeration, I did not know how to find the beat much less move to it. And when I finally was able to settle into some sort of awkward pattern, I just couldn't think of what to do. Like...what do you do with your hands? I have no idea how to move my hips or what to do with my upper body. I actually don't know what to do.

Anyway so it's 6 in the morning now and I've been thinking about the night, I am just so mortified thinking of how I must have looked. I just keep running it over and over in my head, and I think that's why I can't sleep. I mean...I feel like just about every girl my age goes out clubbing and stuff, and so of course can dance...and the fact that I am just stumped makes me feel very abnormal...and also just unsexy! I would love to just be able to dance and be hot and let go, but I just feel so unattractive, and bad for my boyfriend that I can't do anything for him in this area.

In the past I have thought about taking lessons, but whenever I picture myself actually doing it I just don't feel like I could pull it off. I feel like that is something that just screams 'awkward' about me and that I couldn't be taken seriously when dancing. My boyfriend was really being sweet and trying to help me, but when I finally felt like I was able to move more freely he started giving me tips like to move slower or whatever, or to lower my hands and that just made me so self-conscious again. So even when I'm relaxed and not worried what anyone is thinking, I don't even look good, which is why I feel like lessons wouldn't help.

I know that this is probably deeply rooted in certain insecurities and some social anxiety that I haven't gotten over yet, and I guess I'll just have to work on that. But I really thought I was doing so much better! Maybe it just takes practice, but the basic movements seem to come naturally to everyone else, especially girls. I just feel so unfeminine right now. I don't know how to stop going over tonight in my head, and I just feel so mortified.

I'm not sure if there is an overall point to this...but mostly I am hoping that once I get this out I will be able to go to sleep. If anyone has any advice or feels the same way I would love to hear about it

tl;dr - I can't dance and I hate it and feel nerdy and unsexy and I don't even know where to start to help myself. It's really that bad.

 

[financeguy]

I would be surprised if anyone noticed or cared...you probably weren't the worst dancer on the floor by any means. I think you are giving it a greater importance in your head than it really merits....but, if it's really bugging you like this, then why not arrange some lessons?

 

[Purplereign]

^ wise words . . . big hugs to ya . . . in the end if you don't care no one else will either . . . if you are having fun then that will shine through . . . I think you need to practice at home, in your kitchen, in your loungeroom, in your bedroom with your ipod on while no-ones looking . . . nothing quite so liberating and soon it will feel all natural

 

[corianderstem]

My motto for things like this is "stop caring about what other people think and don't be afraid to look like a fool" .... but I know that's really easier said than done!

The trick really is not to care.

 

[MsPurrl]

All good thoughts above. I've always liked the quote, "Dance like no one is watching!" Because they probably aren't!

 

[Purplereign]

and if all else fails . . . just remember that NO ONE is as bad as . . . .

YouTube - Elaine Seinfeld Dance "The little kicks"

 

[Lila64]

 

[cobl04]

this was really strange to read... i go out to clubs most weekends, and i have never, ever been able to dance. i'm white, skinny and i would look like an idiot. but it's certainly never stopped me.

do you drink? because if you start drinking away your inhibitions will go. if you look around, clubs are dark, and most people are just sort of bobbing around, throwing arms in the air, etc. there's nothing to it

 

[Pearl]

most people are just sort of bobbing around, throwing arms in the air, etc. there's nothing to it

True. I'm not much of a dancer either. I just shift my weight from one foot to the other in beat to the music (hopefully). Sometimes I use my arms and hands. I also sometimes throw in some bellydance moves, but I'm such a beginner

 

[mad1]

just remember kid, in this life, there are assholes out there who will, unfort, ignorantly laugh at that...........but in the end, there is something you can do that they cant, so, laugh back at them.

 

[Bonoa]

I would be surprised if anyone noticed or cared...you probably weren't the worst dancer on the floor by any means. I think you are giving it a greater importance in your head than it really merits....but, if it's really bugging you like this, then why not arrange some lessons?

Indeed! And there are more people with the same "problem" who take dancing lessons. When you learn the basics of dance, you'll also learn how to move and what to do with your arms!

 

[kafrun]

Just dance.