Confidence

[AttnKleinkind]

...is something I don't have. And something that I don't know how to get. I'm in university now, and it's recently become apparent to me just how very emotionally weak I am. I used to have a lot of confidence in middle school, I was very involved, and I was good at everything I did (relative to others). I think that the confidence there came from the fact that I was just comparing myself to others, because as soon as I got to high school, I became immediately insecure. There were a lot of people better at me than a lot of things now and I wasn't used to that. I just felt inferior. So I've been trying to think about where someone *gets* confidence from, and so thinking about the middle/high school dichotomy I know that it can't be something that I get only from comparing to other people...but at the same time isn't confidence based to a certain degree on what we can do and do well? And I'm not sure that those are mutually exclusive...how do you feel good about what you can do without also recognizing that it's something you do better than others? I hope this makes sense. Any thoughts on gaining confidence would be appreciated, this is something I would really like to work on in myself!

 

[Galeongirl]

You shouldn't compare yourself to others. Confidence is about realising the things you're good at and focussing on those, not the things others are better in than you.

 

[youtooellen]

positive reinforcement.
i never had much confidence, but this past year i've been working on it and now i feel like i'm a little cocky... haha
do you have any hobbies? anything of greater interest to you, aside from U2?

something i personally think is a key to confidence is pride. you gotta take pride in yourself and be proud of your doings. that's where confidence begins, imo. i don't mean excessive pride, but enough to admit to yourself that you're confident in something before you become confident in yourself.
even when you think you aren't capable of much or are a solid character, you have to egg yourself on and put yourself on a pedestal. not a pedestal over others, but over your past lack of confidence. or vice versa. hope you find your confidence though! it takes time, just like anything else, practice a little bit and get comfortable with yourself. (i'm sure others have this problem too, so we can work on it together. i know i still have this problem so no worries)

 

[Screwtape2]

Confidence comes from consistency. You begin to see a pattern of positive results. Confidence in yourself comes from staying true to who you are and seeing the positive effects that has. Belief in an ability comes from seeing that you have learned and that you are continuing to learn. Other people should have any effect on your confidence but they can have a huge effect on your drive.

 

[MooMoo!]

Anger normally makes me confident.

Dont confuse confidence with being a knob though. Theres being confident and then theres being a cock. There are load of boys and girls in college who think theyre the shit. And they really arnt.

 

[Night & Day]

I rather enjoy being a cock.


Do what I do, just adopt a 'no turning back' approach to everything.
Confidence is important, but if you can't back it up with sheer willpower and desire, then it isn't worth doing.
ie:
Everybody is up on stage singing at Karaoke, and having a blast.
You wish you were up there too, joining in the fun, but fear you will sing bad or look foolish.
If you force yourself up there, and then don't turn back, you conquer that fear, and just have a good time.
So what if you don't sound or look the part, you are making memories that will evoke a lifetime of laughter and good times.

I have a fear of crowds.
I always have to be in front so that I can't see what's behind me.
I force myself to not look back and just dance and not care what others think of me,
they don't know what I am trying to forget, or get through.

We only have one life, but so many chances to get it right.
Confidence in part, is a belief in yourself, and what your capabilities are.

Sometimes its just inate, other times we just have to learn how to be what we dream.

Dream out loud...

 

[Pearl]

Try focusing on the positive things about yourself, and dare to believe you could do whatever you want to do.

I know that sounds impossible to do, but I find that it works. I also find when I say "I can't do X, Y and Z", it comes true - I don't do it well. So even though it seems scary to believe in yourself - and I know, I've been there - you have to grit your teeth and just do it sometimes. Block out all your negative thoughts, and ignore the haters. Usually they have insecurity issues themselves and they're just looking to bring you down, so block them out too. It may not work instantly at first, but as you work at daring to think positive about yourself, you'd find it easier and easier to do.

Hope that helps!

 

[A_Wanderer]

Be better than other people and know it.

 

[Night & Day]

Be better than other people and know it.

 

[yolland]

A therapist who has some background in both career counseling and conventional therapy might be a big help. Because they'll have some specialized tools for helping you 'realize the things you're good at and focus on those,' as Galeongirl put it, while at the same time addressing the more general self-esteem/confidence issues.

In some ways you sound maybe a little like I was when I started college. I was a very insecure and depressive teenager who for years had treated school as my one and only 'compensation' for the rest of it ("I'm a pathetic, worthless, completely unloveable person, but hey at least I get straight A's"). You can get by until, and perhaps through, the high school level thinking like that, but ultimately it's an unsustainably self-destructive way to think about education (and yourself), and will prevent you from developing a healthy approach to education as a tool for going where YOU want to go in life, rather than the dead-end of trying to make it into "redemption" for imaginary terminal personal failings. Of course there's much more than that to finding basic self-confidence and moving beyond fixating on yourself to draw strength and excitement from what the rest of the world has to offer, but you've got to start somewhere. I would recommend looking into what services the counseling center at your school has to offer.

 

[lauramullen]

I don't have a lot of confidence and I just think about all the good things about myself and it helps.

 

[Purplereign]

Confidence comes from consistency. You begin to see a pattern of positive results. Confidence in yourself comes from staying true to who you are and seeing the positive effects that has. Belief in an ability comes from seeing that you have learned and that you are continuing to learn. Other people should have any effect on your confidence but they can have a huge effect on your drive.

you really are a gem

is a belief in yourself[/I], and what your capabilities are.

Sometimes its just inate, other times we just have to learn how to be what we dream.

Dream out loud...

wow . . . . I think I just found my new mantra, really

 

[Night & Day]

It's going to cost you.

 

[mad1]

I dont have confidence either, in my looks or personality. I do compare myself to others because somehow, I mean, I can try to be the best I can with how I am both ways, but no matter what, Im always gonna feel that I disappoint people rather than interest them.

as repeatin as I am, as tiring as it is - I may have to go see someone about it.

 

[AtomicBono]

positive reinforcement.
i never had much confidence, but this past year i've been working on it and now i feel like i'm a little cocky... haha

same! lol.

In some ways you sound maybe a little like I was when I started college. I was a very insecure and depressive teenager who for years had treated school as my one and only 'compensation' for the rest of it ("I'm a pathetic, worthless, completely unloveable person, but hey at least I get straight A's"). You can get by until, and perhaps through, the high school level thinking like that, but ultimately it's an unsustainably self-destructive way to think about education (and yourself), and will prevent you from developing a healthy approach to education as a tool for going where YOU want to go in life, rather than the dead-end of trying to make it into "redemption" for imaginary terminal personal failings. Of course there's much more than that to finding basic self-confidence and moving beyond fixating on yourself to draw strength and excitement from what the rest of the world has to offer, but you've got to start somewhere. I would recommend looking into what services the counseling center at your school has to offer.

I was very much the same way. Straight A student with no confidence. For me I think it was at least partially a chemical thing; I've finally gotten my meds right and no longer hate myself. But I think it was a general attitude change too ... I used to be so paranoid that everyone hated me, and I realized how silly that was. I realized that I wouldn't have so many great friends if I wasn't great myself. I've finally become comfortable with who I am. I have goals and I think they're reachable. I try to focus on the things that make me happy instead of the things that bring me down.

Don't constantly compare yourself to others. There will always be people better than you at any given thing, just as there are always worse. Just realize there ARE things you're good at. Enjoy life and don't worry what other people think. Being too self-conscious can ruin confidence. Focus on the things that make you happy and what you do well ... throw out the rest.

 

[elevated_u2_fan]

I dont have confidence either, in my looks or personality. I do compare myself to others because somehow, I mean, I can try to be the best I can with how I am both ways, but no matter what, Im always gonna feel that I disappoint people rather than interest them.

as repeatin as I am, as tiring as it is - I may have to go see someone about it.

I charge $50/hr

I will point out to you that when you first started really posting on here you wouldn't even show a picture of yourself, now look at your Avatar.

How about that for confidence?

 

[Bonoa]

When I just started at university, I had the same problem. I studied Egyptology then and it was a small group. Most professors in Egyptology are very conservative and in the first year they really treat you as a number, despite the small size of the group. The hardest part of the study was the language. We had a very old professor who wasn't good at explaining grammar. And that same professor wrote the grammar books we used in class, written in a very pompous old fashioned kind of Dutch.
It's easy to transliterate hieroglyphs into latin letters and (overall) translating the texts, but it sucks when it comes to grammar and an exact translation. I'm familiar with the grammar rules of Germanic and Roman languages, but when it comes to a dead Semitic language with African roots, where a lot of verb forms are misspelled and not written down... And when you have five forms of Ancient Egyptian, how was I even going to survive the next years?
Some of my classmates even sniggered when others made a mistake! When I had my first (oral!) hieroglyphs exam, I failed. I was adviced to 'better study Ancient Egypt as a hobby and start another study' . I was kinda desperate and felt like a complete failure. And I felt like some of the others in class were way better than me...

Then I thought: 'F**k Egyptology' and I quit and started with archaeology (still specializing in Ancient Egypt, but the main focus is not on the language anymore!) and finally realized that I'm doing my studies for myself and not for 'the others'. I also realized that the people who made me feel worse were the people even less confident than me!

It is best to focus on what you can do, instead of focussing on what you can't do.
Make a list for yourself of things you're good at and the things you like about yourself. I bet it's a long one! And realize that the people who you compare yourself with are probably doing the same thing...

 

[AtomicBono]

dude, you study Egyptology? that's just about the coolest thing I've ever heard

I'm a classical studies major myself, really into myth... I'd love to learn more about Ancient Egypt

 

[Bonoa]

Thanx! I've been an Egyptfreak since I was a kid. I used to study Egyptology but I switched to archaeology, because I wanted to concentrate more on the culture and material culture instead of the language. I still study Egyptology as a minor, though!

And you're into Classical studies? Cool! Did you ever consider Classical archaeology? There are still lots of excavations going on in Europe and Anatolia.

Ancient cultures rule!