Best ways to get over a breakup

[jonnytakeawalk]

This guy I was going out with for a year has just left to go overseas about a week ago. Before he left he thought it would be best if we broke up, seeing he's going for six months he thought it would be probably too long to be in a relationship without even seeing each other. We're still planning on catching up when he gets back though, even if we're just friends.

Anyway, it's been a week now since he left and I've got two group emails from him but nothing personal. I'm feeling absolutely miserable, he seems as if he's having an awesome time over there and I feel like shit here. It's hard going cold turkey and not being able to see him or talk to him at all. Especially when I used to see him so often and talk to him every day. He said he'd miss me but I don't think he's missing me at all.

So I'm just wondering whats the best thing I can do to get over this breakup. I know time will prob heal everything but I wonder how long it will take. Any advice would be hugely appreciated

 

[dazzlingamy]

I think it takes as long as you want it to take. It would be sad to see him moving on and forward but i do believe you need to do it too. If you want to stay friends with him, read the emails and respond, if you need some time away so it doesn't hurt so much, put him in the bulk email list and take some time to yourself....

every heart will mend, just feel it, don't block it and you will get better

 

[u2bonogirl]

Watch Pride and Prejudice with a nice tub of Ben&Jerry's

And then when you've gotten the wallowing out of your system go out and do something fun with other people

Oh and you can play John Waite's "Missing You"

I aint missing you at all!!!

 

[Sicy]

Going out with friends, other people.. I've found is the best way. Keep yourself busy.

 

[Bonochick]

Lean on your friends and indulge in things that you love doing.

 

[Sevikins]

Yep, like everyone said, just do something that'll take your mind off the guy. A very long game'll do, something that takes forever to beat. Or just hang out with your friends.

 

[cell]

Going out with friends, other people.. I've found is the best way. Keep yourself busy.

 

[sulawesigirl4]

Keep busy. Do something special for yourself...a new hairdo or some super-cool clothes or whatever you like. something that makes you feel fabulous. Indluge yourself a little. During a break-up your self-esteem tends to take a beating, so it never hurts to build it back up.

 

[MsGiggles]

I would say one thing NOT to do is spend too much time alone -where you'd be lost in thought over this person. Keeping yourself busy, throw yourself into your work or a hobby and spending time with friends helps...pretty much what everyone else has posted

 

[The Disciple]

Drink a little wine.

 

[Bono's shades]

Avoid lovey-dovey romantic books and movies. They just make you feel worse. Watch comedies and play video games instead. Also, find some new hobbies and interests.

 

[digsy]

a new hairdo or some super-cool clothes or whatever you like. something that makes you feel fabulous.

please please please don't do the new haircut thing!
easy way to spot someone trying to get over a break up is a new/radical/bad hairdo - its trying too hard to prove to the world that despite him just having broken your heart you're still wonderful and fabulous and gorgeous

i'm not saying you're not wonderful and fabulous and gorgeous, but you don't need a new hairdo to know that!

 

[BrownEyedBoy]

Get busy. Join a gym and vent all that angst and anger and then look at yourself in the mirror and see a new and better version of you.

 

[preciousstone]

It sounds as if your whole life isn't really "whole". It sounds a little unbalanced. Don't fret, nearly everyone's life is unbalanced. Sheesh, mine definitely is, which I'm working on right now as we speak!
Many people don't balance their life in a full and complete manner. They don't know what is wrong in the first place to recgnize these matters and fix them, so here's my advice to anyone and everyone:

Write down a list and from priority, write down what matters to you: Marriage/relationship, Work/Career, Hobby, Education, etc.
Right next to it, put down how much commitment you give each priority, say when you are at work and your mind wanders about your significant other and you pause from your work for a moment. Is that giving a 100%? No, you are letting something else intervene and steal your commitment from where you are at the present time and where your commitment is needed and expected.
Notice your commitment percentages. Notice where they are low. If you are failing at school because you're too busy with something else? You need to fix that. Your life needs to be balanced equally. Treat each number and priority as if it is your ONLY priority and only commitment.

Now let's take a look at someone who wrote this list:

1) Boyfriend, I spend a lot of time with him and I miss him all the time when he's not around, so I often daydream when I'm not with him...obviously I give 100%
2) Friends, we go out, but I still sit there and I daydream about my boyfriend...not 100%- probably 75%
3) Work, I often think about other things, causing me to lack efficiency at my job. Obviously not 100% because instead of doing auditing, I'm sitting there writing his name and mine and my name with his last name, and so on.

You can obviously see this person has an unbalanced life. What happens when that first slot is gone? Not only does he leave a big void, he steals some priority from the others! No wonder you feel an overwhelming devastation! Your "whole" life is really gone! Who is to blame for your sudden emotional breakdown, depression, pain and suffering? You! You have the power to decide what your whole life is, and often times we give that power to someone else.

Everyone should put in a 100% into their family, 100% into their hobby of choice, 100% their alone time, 100% of personal growth/education, 100% to their friends, 100% to their job/career, 100% of charity/contribution (you don't know this but helping the world a little can help you on the inside a tremendous deal- try it), and of course 100% into your relationship.

That way, if anything goes wrong, you break up, you lose your friend, you lose your job, you don't feel the tremendous pain and shock if you would if you focused your "whole" life on it.

I hope people read this and understand what I'm saying. And I hope it helps people as it has helped me.

 

[jonnytakeawalk]

It sounds as if your whole life isn't really "whole". It sounds a little unbalanced. Don't fret, nearly everyone's life is unbalanced. Sheesh, mine definitely is, which I'm working on right now as we speak!
Many people don't balance their life in a full and complete manner. They don't know what is wrong in the first place to recgnize these matters and fix them, so here's my advice to anyone and everyone:

Write down a list and from priority, write down what matters to you: Marriage/relationship, Work/Career, Hobby, Education, etc.
Right next to it, put down how much commitment you give each priority, say when you are at work and your mind wanders about your significant other and you pause from your work for a moment. Is that giving a 100%? No, you are letting something else intervene and steal your commitment from where you are at the present time and where your commitment is needed and expected.
Notice your commitment percentages. Notice where they are low. If you are failing at school because you're too busy with something else? You need to fix that. Your life needs to be balanced equally. Treat each number and priority as if it is your ONLY priority and only commitment.

Now let's take a look at someone who wrote this list:

1) Boyfriend, I spend a lot of time with him and I miss him all the time when he's not around, so I often daydream when I'm not with him...obviously I give 100%
2) Friends, we go out, but I still sit there and I daydream about my boyfriend...not 100%- probably 75%
3) Work, I often think about other things, causing me to lack efficiency at my job. Obviously not 100% because instead of doing auditing, I'm sitting there writing his name and mine and my name with his last name, and so on.

You can obviously see this person has an unbalanced life. What happens when that first slot is gone? Not only does he leave a big void, he steals some priority from the others! No wonder you feel an overwhelming devastation! Your "whole" life is really gone! Who is to blame for your sudden emotional breakdown, depression, pain and suffering? You! You have the power to decide what your whole life is, and often times we give that power to someone else.

Everyone should put in a 100% into their family, 100% into their hobby of choice, 100% their alone time, 100% of personal growth/education, 100% to their friends, 100% to their job/career, 100% of charity/contribution (you don't know this but helping the world a little can help you on the inside a tremendous deal- try it), and of course 100% into your relationship.

That way, if anything goes wrong, you break up, you lose your friend, you lose your job, you don't feel the tremendous pain and shock if you would if you focused your "whole" life on it.

I hope people read this and understand what I'm saying. And I hope it helps people as it has helped me.

Thanks, this does make perfect sense.

My life definately is unbalanced. He was my main focus, so much of my time was spent thinking about him, and now his gone so there is this huge void. I've been feeling empty. but I am definately feeling better now. I've been trying to put alot more focus on studying and have been hanging out with friends and family more. Things of which were no doubt neglected when I was with him. It still hurts but I'm feeling better every day. Thanks everyone for your advice!

 

[Canadiens1131]

This guy I was going out with for a year has just left to go overseas about a week ago. Before he left he thought it would be best if we broke up, seeing he's going for six months he thought it would be probably too long to be in a relationship without even seeing each other. We're still planning on catching up when he gets back though, even if we're just friends.

Anyway, it's been a week now since he left and I've got two group emails from him but nothing personal. I'm feeling absolutely miserable, he seems as if he's having an awesome time over there and I feel like shit here. It's hard going cold turkey and not being able to see him or talk to him at all. Especially when I used to see him so often and talk to him every day. He said he'd miss me but I don't think he's missing me at all.

So I'm just wondering whats the best thing I can do to get over this breakup. I know time will prob heal everything but I wonder how long it will take. Any advice would be hugely appreciated

Well, after reading that my first thought is that you're still approaching this as if you two are going out. I think maybe changing your viewpoint a bit might make you feel better and less miserable

I would try not to feel too bad or live vicariously through his emails. If you've got friends who go out on a regular basis, then by all means join them. For me anyway, going out with friends and being around people who are awesome is the best remedy.

But yeah, try and go for new things, new flings, if you can. Don't keep holding on mentally if it's possible.



EDIT: LOL just read Sicy's comment now, yeah, gotta go outttt