Babies just don't do it for me

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Mrs. Edge

Mrs. Edge

Bono's Belly Dancing Friend
Joined
Jun 5, 2001
Messages
2,913
Location
Torontonian in Maryland
Maybe I am defective somehow, but I just don't care much for babies. I don't think toddlers are cute either with all their screaming and wrecking things. I can tolerate older children, but I still don't see myself having any. Maybe if my husband desperately wanted them, I might get motivated, but he couldn't care less either way. So I am STILL in baby limbo.

Today, I had to go to a friend's "new baby open house". The place was packed with babies. I sat there holding my glass of wine, a smile frozen to my face wondering what was the matter with me, and why I wasn't desperate to hold the baby and have it burp milk all over me! And besides, whenever I try to hold one, it cries! It makes me feel so badly I can't bear to even attempt to hold them! I can sort of see that they are kind of cute (I guess) but the way these people carry ON about them!

Most of my friends have babies and no one can understand how I could be married for almost 11 years and not have one of these adorable things. What really bugs me is that as soon as a friend has a baby you lose them. That's all they can think about forever. It's very depressing. One thing is for sure, if I ever do have children, they will be an important PART of my life, but not my ENTIRE LIFE.

My mother says that once you have children, your life is entirely wrapped up in them and you gladly live through their accomplishments and events....you get all your happiness and fulfillment through them. Well nuts to that! I want to have my OWN life, and my OWN accomplishments! Am I crazy?? I am not ready to throw in the towel and be a mere vessel for someone else! BAH! I am not articulating this well, but you know what I mean.

What is the matter with me? My sister didn't have her first until she was 35, so I have a bit to go.....but it's not looking promising. :(
 
What I don't like is ugly babies and relatives who can't figure out that the baby is ugly. This girl I know sent me a picture of her neice with a "isn't she the cutest thing in the world?" tag on it. I didn't tell her, but the first thing in my mind was "no... that thing is hideous. Yes, babies can be very cute, but damn, that is one ugly baby." Reminds me of the Seinfeld episode... "So Kramer, what do ya think of the baby?" "Ohhh... she looks like Lyndon Johnson."
 
There's nothing wrong with you!
If there is then there's something wrong with me too :laugh:
 
Babies scare me.

I have a fear of accidentally hurting them.

They are so fragile and needy...that freaks me out. :reject:
 
i love babies. what i don't like is this new game parents play called "ignore the kid!!"

you know, when you hear a baby screaming its head off at a dinner table. you look at your watch and it's like 9:30 at night. no wonder it's crying, it wants to go to bed! :scream:

the baby then grows up to be the annoying kid who yells in public places, runs around, doesn't say "thank you" when you do something nice like hold a door for them or say "excuse me" when they bump into you.

then, the kid grows up to be the obnoxious teenager who thinks anyone first in line at a red light is challenging them to a race in their 2001 honda civic type r. they throw their ashtray out the car window and don't hold doors for people two feet behind them.

then, the teenager grows up to be the rude yuppie housewife. the woman racing down the streets in her huge suv (ALONE) like she's in some big hurry to get to her bridge meeting. she's yapping on her cell phone 24/7 about meaningless shit like "i'm in barnes and noble" "oh my gosh i'm there too! what section?" "fiction" "oh my gosh me too!" and it turns out they're next to each other but won't get off the damn phone. they try to cut you in line and STILL don't hold doors for you. if the door's automatic, they get their shopping cart and then stand in front of it so no one else can get through while they search for their overnight bag they call their purse to find their shopping list written on a fourth of a post-it note.

then, the yuppie grows up to be the hypocritcal old person. the type who whines about them young'ins treat the old folk with no respect. whatever happened to teenagers who held doors for the elderly? they got tired of watching these old farts not hold the door, or when they hold it for them they say NOTHING, not even a thank you. they try to hack up their lungs at a dinner table without the decency to go to the bathroom to get that loogie up.

:|

so anyway, i like kids with discipline. i want to have a kid some day, if i can ever get pregnant.
 
I :heart: babies, but toddlers and kids under the age of 8 or so are my favourites. I like when they say things that make NO sense whatsoever. :laugh:
 
KhanadaRhodes said:
you know, when you hear a baby screaming its head off at a dinner table. you look at your watch and it's like 9:30 at night. no wonder it's crying, it wants to go to bed! :scream:

the baby then grows up to be the annoying kid who yells in public places, runs around, doesn't say "thank you" when you do something nice like hold a door for them or say "excuse me" when they bump into you.

then, the kid grows up to be the obnoxious teenager who thinks anyone first in line at a red light is challenging them to a race in their 2001 honda civic type r. they throw their ashtray out the car window and don't hold doors for people two feet behind them.

then, the teenager grows up to be the rude yuppie housewife. the woman racing down the streets in her huge suv (ALONE) like she's in some big hurry to get to her bridge meeting. she's yapping on her cell phone 24/7 about meaningless shit like "i'm in barnes and noble" "oh my gosh i'm there too! what section?" "fiction" "oh my gosh me too!" and it turns out they're next to each other but won't get off the damn phone. they try to cut you in line and STILL don't hold doors for you. if the door's automatic, they get their shopping cart and then stand in front of it so no one else can get through while they search for their overnight bag they call their purse to find their shopping list written on a fourth of a post-it note.

then, the yuppie grows up to be the hypocritcal old person. the type who whines about them young'ins treat the old folk with no respect. whatever happened to teenagers who held doors for the elderly? they got tired of watching these old farts not hold the door, or when they hold it for them they say NOTHING, not even a thank you. they try to hack up their lungs at a dinner table without the decency to go to the bathroom to get that loogie up.
Click to expand...

:up: :up: :up:
 
What about 'borrowing' a niece or nephew for a weekend? Then you'd get to see what having a kid is like...

As for babies crying when you hold them, I'm sure it seems that way. Maybe you're just not used to it. Or maybe the kids are really used to their parents and can't stand being held by anyone else :shrug:

Ultimately Jess, it's yours (and your husband's) decision whether or not to have kids. No one should make you feel bad/guilty about it. Some people just don't want to and there's nothing wrong with that at all. This is about YOU and YOUR LIFE and what you want to do with it. I know pleanty of people with/without kids who are perfectly happy. The important thing is not to force yourself. You should have a baby if you're ready to give him/her all the attention he/she needs--not to have a baby because you feel you're forced to.

Good luck Jess!
 
I don't really feel like I can give any advice since I'm only 20 years old and not considering having kids any time soon, but I just wanted to say that I too can't really connect with babies. I think they're cute and all, but I just don't have those squeal-with-delight-and-blabber-in-baby-talk-while-begging-to-hold-the-baby urges everytime I see one. It's weird- I'd like to have kids someday, but I feel like I don't really have any maternal instincts right now. :shrug:

But I don't think there's anything wrong with not having kids. You should have them because you want to not because you feel pressured.
 
Headache in a Suitcase said:
What I don't like is ugly babies and relatives who can't figure out that the baby is ugly. This girl I know sent me a picture of her neice with a "isn't she the cutest thing in the world?" tag on it. I didn't tell her, but the first thing in my mind was "no... that thing is hideous. Yes, babies can be very cute, but damn, that is one ugly baby." Reminds me of the Seinfeld episode... "So Kramer, what do ya think of the baby?" "Ohhh... she looks like Lyndon Johnson."
Click to expand...


:lmao: True, everybody's baby is good looking and also incredibly brilliant. lol.
 
It's much better to know this about yourself now, then to find that out after you have kids, and hey at least you won't be contributing to the world's overpopulation ;)
 
as others have mentioned, don't feel the least bit bad that you're not interested in being a mother--at least not now. honestly, it's too bad some partents don't come to this realization about themselves earlier and take preventative measures to ensure it doesn't happen. forget the parents--what about the unfortunate child? it's my opinion that parents must and should have the mindset and be willing to sacrafice a whole lot before they go and bring a child into this world, especially during the initial years of a child's life. every aspect and dimension of a child's needs--not just the phsyical--has to be met in order for a child to thrive. obviously there is a lot expected of a parent--more so of the mother--and if one is not prepared for and willing to take on that inherent responsibility....please, please, please, by all means, do NOT have a child until you are sure that you are! fuck other people's expectations--they obviously aren't going to be the one's raising your child. most people that pressure other's into having a child when they may or may not be ready, are clearly being selfish in motivation.

i don't look down on married couples who choose not to have children, nor should anyone else. children can add richness and variety to life, but they cannot guarantee their parent's happiness.
 
TripThruUreWires said:
it's my opinion that parents must and should have the mindset and be willing to sacrafice a whole lot before they go and bring a child into this world, especially during the initial years of a child's life. every aspect and dimension of a child's needs--not just the phsyical--has to be met in order for a child to thrive. obviously there is a lot expected of a parent--more so of the mother--and if one is not prepared for and willing to take on that inherent responsibility....please, please, please, by all means, do NOT have a child until you are sure that you are!
Click to expand...

yeah, exactly.

if i will ever have a child i will be the best father in the world. i will give my child everything, not only comfort, but time, and time, and time, and lots of love.

i see myself staring at young fathers and mothers... see their children smiling, envying them. so there is some wish inside of me. but thats not enough, y know. i have so many plans. a child would not be the best at the moment.

i want a daughter, when i have time for 15 years of caring for her, of "sacrificing" my life, even if we know its not sacrificing, but a gift. i don?t have problems to wait, lol, i am male.

the argument you told that they?re not the ones who are raising the child is so true. i will use that one next time. :up:
 
It sounds like you have some time to wait and see if your mind changes at all, so that's good. There's nothing wrong with wanting to live your own life at all. I'm getting a lot of pressure to get married, have kids (I don't even have a boyfriend, so that's a little unrealistic! :mad:) but there's so much I need to do now before I can be in charge of someone else's life...I don't even know where mine is going. I do want kids, but I'm just hoping I'll get the chance. My aunt didn't have her first until she was older, so I think it's perfectly natural to live your own life to the fullest before having children...especially if you are in good health and can be active and involved with your kids, even if it puts you at an older age when they start growing up. And one last thing, then I'll shut up ;) - I felt so uncomfortable around kids until my friend had one and I was really around them lots...then i realized I can't really break them as easily as i thought and how amazing they really are. I think when the child is yours, especially, it becomes something so great, you can't even imagine it now.
 
alright Ill bite

Hold on a second...when exactly did you lose me Jess? I have 2 of those screaming whiny things and I didnt go anywhere..here's my take on the whole situation.
I didnt have my first child until I was about your age I guess give or take a year...and it was something I always dreaded..the whole childbirth thing..my best case scenario would be to order them out of a catalog and get them when they are already trained and self-sufficient..have them stay for a few years and then they are gone...:eyebrow:
But of course that didnt happen..what's up with that...:lol: Once you have them you realize they are alright..although sometimes they are very hard to handle.
When I had my first I went crazy at home...when I had the chance to go back to work I jumped at that..and the hubby stayed home instead..worked for me..
Im not a maternal person at all..most people prefer the infant, dependant stage..me I prefer the older, reasoning stage. I hated having someone depend on me for everything. abhored it actually. too much pressure for me. so what do I do to solve that..I have another..stupid stupid stupid me...but alas now that they are 4 and 8, they are alot more fun to be around...they can carry on a conversation, they can make you laugh, they can make you cry, they spark your creativity during craft times...
More and more these days, I have come across people who are putting off having kids..it seems to be something that for some is not so important a thing to carry on the gene pool...
I wouldnt let anyone tell me when I should or shouldnt have children...just bludgeon them with a stick, send them to McDonalds playland, remove all other adults, insert adult giving you advice, lock the door, and do not open the door until you are good and ready..When door is opened, ask the question again of the adult "Tell me again why I should have a child?"

.....if you want a child..Ill loan you one of mine...they are house-broken and trained....:lol: :lol: :lol:
 
Mrs. Edge, I can so relate. I've never had even the slightest desire to have a baby. I love my neices and nephew and my friends' kids, but otherwise babies and children are sort of invisible to me. If an acquaintance comes up to me in the grocery store with her baby I have to make a conscious effort to goo and gah over the baby so I won't hurt her feelings but I feel like such a fraud because I really am not interested in gooing and gahing over the baby. I have to attend a colleague's baby party on Friday and I actually had to have someone tell me what to buy as a gift because it irritated me to have to think about it--I just couldn't put more than 30 seconds worth of attention on it. It's awful. I just didn't get the I-love-babies-gene. Yet I am utterly in love with my sister's kids. :shrug:
 
The_Sweetest_Thing said:
What about 'borrowing' a niece or nephew for a weekend? Then you'd get to see what having a kid is like...
Click to expand...

Ahhh, but you see that's the "other people's children" experience, which, according to my mother is vastly different from when it's your own. I know what it will be like to have my nieces around.....it will be fine for a little while, and then I'd go crazy.

Anyway, I love reading everyone's responses....thank you! :hug:

Wacka, you are a riot. And Khanada, do I ever know what you mean! If I do have a kid, it will be REALLY polite, eat what it's given, and in bed every night by 8! :D
 
My mum had me when she was 21 and then my brother and sister are 2 and 3 years younger than me she had 2 babies in prams and a child of 4 :uhoh:


I dont want to be like my mum in 3 years!
 
I can fully understand feeling uncomfortable around other people's infants. I was never comfortable around other's babies and still am not. But that changes dramatically when you have your own. There is something special about being able to comfort your own child as they are throwing up all over you. It doesn't make sense until you have your own.

Also, I've always believed that you should never ask a couple if and when they will have children. Not only can it put someone on the defensive, the couple may be struggling with the possiblity of having children (which can create an incredible stress on the married couple).

So sit back, stay away from the babies, enjoy life and know that someday, you just may enjoy changing a stinky diaper!
 
Its perfectly fine to not want babies...its not for everyone. Because my husband and I don't have a child together, we've been getting the "when are you two going to have one of your own?" question for years and it really bugs me. People need to mind their own business.
 
Mrs.Edge, I hear you. I am torn on the whole child thing. It used to be the most important thing for me, then I got realistic. It may not even be a choice of mine to make. Can't have babies by yourself.
:shrug: So why dream about the potential impossible?

IF I get the opportunity to make the decision if I want to have kids or not, it will really depend on the guy I am with because it is not something I want to do alone and they will have to be really into it. Oh, and look after the thing until they turn 5 or something.
I am too selfish right now to consider if I want to ever have children or not. It would interfere with my travels and U2 concerts and stuff. :crack:
 
my mom had me when she was 19 and i was a special needs kid. by the time she was 25 she ended up with 3 kids altogether. my father barely in the picture. talk about stress! i applaude my mom and everyone else who can raise kids on their own.

i remember when i was barely married and i was screaming at anyone who asked me when i was gonna have kids to shut up. it was the most annoying thing ever. i used to cringe at the thought of having kids. it made me shudder. now obviously, i have daisy and i wouldnt change anything. i still dont like other people's kids though. they would have to be really mature for their age for me to be impressed with them. thank god i trained my daughter to eat her veggies, goes to bed at 7:30pm-8:00pm every weeknight, weekends she stays up late just a little longer, she doesn't scream in the market if she doesnt get what she wants (although she did try it once), im lucky she's very well mannered most of the time. all this took years of training.

ok, so im bragging a little bit:p but seriously, i remember feeling that way about kids. there's nothing wrong with not wanting kids or not feeling motherly. nothing wrong at all:)
 
Jess- you've got quite a bit of time left if you do decide you want kids (yeah, yeah, I know the statistics, but still....I think you're ok) - don't feel pressured, it's just between you and your husband. If someone asks when you're having kids, I'd sarcastically say, "Wouldn't *you* like to know....." and just let them take it as they will :shrug:
 
the main thing is that you and hub share the same feelings

It's good you can listen to your feelings Mrs Edge and know your limitations. No one can know what is like to be a mother/father until you become one. It's 24/7 ongoing committment. Lots of lost sleep, lots of poop and chunder, endless demands, it's certainly not magical all the time.
But oh...if you are that way inclined, maternal, it is wonderful. Lots of first tooth smiles and joy in splashing in puddles and talking about "stuff".
I personally have enjoyed the experience, although there were times when I was confused, lonely, worried I wasn't doing it "right". I feel sorry for anyone who has a child ( and more so for the child) accidently. It's hard enough at times when you plan them and wait and wait to conceive them, so I can't imagine how accidental parents manage. Unfortunately a lot don't...we have a huge number of single parent families here.
If you did feel like having a little someone to share your life, there is usually a great need for foster mothers. My sister-in-law eventually adopted the young girl she took in during a time of need...she IS my neice too.
Like so many things in this world..ther are no rules, no right and wrong.
follow your heart:heart:

and keep on :dance:

PS: if I could I would have another baby....only in my dreams though. I felt a bit guilty about having 3 babies in this over-populated world. I have several friends who will never have children and they have eased my guilt by saying they are the children they will never have....3 kids about 9 parents...an OK ratio...I hope.
 
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