ask Irvine about men!

[MrsSpringsteen]

as you noted, here is the source of the problem.

if you don't think men are trustworthy, that suspicion is going to come across -- though men might not be as emotionally intuitive as most women are, in general, you know when something's not right, when someone's not there, when someone's holding back -- not emotional but logical sense can be made by observing a pattern of behavior.

i think you'll be fine.

Well usually I just tell them I don't easily trust men, that's a mistake I suppose It's just almost always the case that the very few I open myself up to trusting (which is a huge deal for me for personal reasons) it comes back to bite me in the ass so to speak. Yes I have learned by observing, it's not fun but you do learn a harsh lesson.

Oh well, my dog loves me..and I can still dream about Aiden Turner

 

[hiphop]

Well usually I just tell them I don't easily trust men, that's a mistake I suppose

You didn´t ask me for my opinion, so excuse my 2c,

I don´t think that´s a mistake at all. By telling that, you give the guy a chance to react. If he´s a good guy, he might win your trust slowly. He should know about that, because if not he might think that you trust him quickly because he hasn´t disappointed you as of yet. By speaking about that, you basically give him a new possibility to show his care, or to put the relation to a higher level; and what could be more beautiful for someone who loves you?

 

[For Honor]

I was going to advocate the devil, but, I'll just say this- there are pros and cons for everything... but..... as a certain TV personality would say "There are some absolute deal-breaking" things that you should be upfront about, and should get out in the open right away. Things that are your personal rules or boundries that are inflexible, to a high degree. I don't see anything wrong with using such issues as filters to weed out the incompetent

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

By speaking about that, you basically give him a new possibility to show his care, or to put the relation to a higher level

That's such a nice thought, it really is

On the other hand it can also give someone the possibility to want nothing to do with me and to think I am some sort of "freak". I was and am much better off when I kept/keep all my hurt and pain and the reasons for that to myself. I don't think too many men are interested in relating on that level, or like I have said before-subconsciously maybe I am attracted to those who aren't interested and will treat me a certain way because deep down somehow I don't think I deserve any better. Sad but true. Honestly I have never met a man that I can relate to on the emotional level that I desire, and I am far from being a teenager.

 

[For Honor]

You know...... this brings up something I was thinking about lately.

I've seen it in women, and in men, too.... but... there is almost a desire to "not" have a good relationship with someone. One girl put it as "I want to love a guy maybe even *because* of his faults* But there is a ........ there is something about "not deserving" that I don't quite know how to pin down.

I think part of it is a confort zone thing. In my father I have seen this in his relationships. Also, though, I see it as a tool to remain distant, or perhaps "in control", though perhaps in an illusionary way. Feeling, perhaps, if I am superior, and I can take care of him (her), then I'll be doing that person a favor, or something.

It's very hard to explain, but maybe I'll think about it more and express it more clearly.

I will say that, in conversations with my father, he has expressed this.... thing. He described it, in one aspect as how he never wanted "the best girl", he felt he didn't desrve it because she'd be too good for him, and he always felt with someone lower them him, somehow, in his eyes. I suppose this is partially a male ego thing, and, maybe not relevant. But maybe it's a similar situation, just the masculine-energy-side of it.


Whatever the case, my dad is a very emotionally in tune person, and, though he never displayed it infront of me, has a very emotional side to him, and is very sensitive. Unfortunately, though, he has knackfor being attracted to the wrong people... and what i mean by this, it is a psychological thing, more so than a personal standard of living thing. He is attracted to a more dominieering, in control kind of woman, but, as such, they are not responsive to HIS emotional needs

Maybe I'll... derive more from that situation later...........

 

[Irvine511]

That's such a nice thought, it really is

On the other hand it can also give someone the possibility to want nothing to do with me and to think I am some sort of "freak". I was and am much better off when I kept/keep all my hurt and pain and the reasons for that to myself. I don't think too many men are interested in relating on that level, or like I have said before-subconsciously maybe I am attracted to those who aren't interested and will treat me a certain way because deep down somehow I don't think I deserve any better. Sad but true. Honestly I have never met a man that I can relate to on the emotional level that I desire, and I am far from being a teenager.

have you read any Buddhist philosophy?

you might want to check out some stuff by Thich Naht Hahn.

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

I don't know anything about Buddhism, except for a little bit about the Dalai Lama

Something tells me they wouldn't think it was OK that I want revenge of some sort on some men or that I want to kick their..

 

[Irvine511]

I don't know anything about Buddhism, except for a little bit about the Dalai Lama

Something tells me they wouldn't think it was OK that I want revenge of some sort on some men or that I want to kick their..

what is so beautiful about buddhism -- and what i find so hard to do in my own life -- is to simply let go. to accept what is, and to live in the present, and not either endlessly in the past or perpetually in the future.

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

That is the best way to live, but some things from the past are so painful that they make it very difficult. I work on it but it is tough. I don't live in the future really because it is too scary for me.

 

[For Honor]

Buddhism is the one religion that holds a fair amount of interest for me, which is saying a lot.


I just got a book called "Killing the Buddha, a heretic's Bible" from the library...... lookst interesting, though I do not know yet if it applies here.

Nevetheless, Buddhism is something I'm interested in quite a bit. I got a collection of audio books, in regards to Zen and leadership, and other things, like the art of war. Very interesting...

The one thing I am not sure of about Buddhism is how much one should really let go. But that is a personal question, I guess, as to how much one should truly live in the moment...