As repetitive as this situation may seem..

[youtooellen]

more difficult?

well, as you wish. But I'd think that'd make it easier

well, easier too. heh.

but I meant difficult because I feel like the time to talk to him is getting delayed more and more. thus, making me think more and ponder over pros and cons, consequences, etc.

(I'm not considering staying with him, I mean the aftermass of breaking up with him...)

I think too much.

 

[For Honor]

Oh, yeah, I can dig that.


(lol, I like using different "dialects" from time to time, so don't mind me)


Be strong

 

[youtooellen]

okay. so something is going on with him.

he didn't talk to me whatsoever today. and when I approached him to say hi, he said he had to go. I could hardly get a word in with him.
but a friend that's a friend of both of us, talked to him earlier this week and he basically told me everything they talked about.

the friend said that he thinks I don't have feelings for him anymore and that I might break off the relationship.
and unfortunately he thinks he's caught between liking me alot and love.

I'm thinking maybe he's avoiding me right now to get himself sorted out or to avoid breaking up. I even tried calling him but he won't answer. I left him a voicemail to call me back but he hasn't returned any yet.

 

[For Honor]

Hey, I know what that feels like. I know just what it's like......


Anyhow............ I don't know what to say, because I am myself stumped.

Let's get through this together!
heh

I guess we'll just have to wait and see......

 

[discothequeLP]

ellen, could you do a favor for me (and him ). . . if you do break up with him, please do it in person.

 

[youtooellen]

Hey, I know what that feels like. I know just what it's like......


Anyhow............ I don't know what to say, because I am myself stumped.

Let's get through this together!
heh

I guess we'll just have to wait and see......

sounds like you've been involved in a very similiar situation before then huh?

'waiting and seeing' is very difficult for me, seeing that by nature I'm slightly impatient. heh. but yeah, I suppose we'll see.

ellen, could you do a favor for me (and him ). . . if you do break up with him, please do it in person.

of course I'll be doing this in person
imo, ending a relationship in any other way would be cruel and heartless.

 

[For Honor]

I just can't stand it when people are unclear as to how they feel about me.

I can't afford to get too attached to someone, because I realize I have loyalty issues (with regard to myself, and others too, I guess).

I'm too serious when it comes to things, and, though I understand having fun relationships, etc, I guess I'm more a person who would prefer commitment, and exclusive relationships. But that's just me.

I've not problem with people who are not that way

I just have a problem with people who "think " they are 'my way', but are really unsure, or don't like commitments, or don't really know how they feel, or don't like to be loyal, etc.


The way I word it here, it sounds as though we are on opposite ends of a similar problem. However.......... I have been in your shoes as it is now, too,.........

 

[youtooellen]

actually FH, it seems that both of us are in a way on the same ends here. its just the situation I'm involved in is a bit more.. different I suppose compared to yours.

even though I'm in high school, I'm really looking for a commited relationship, rather than a 'fun' relationship. and like you I have loyalty issues too

maybe with the guy right now, this is what's going on with me. I feel like I'm being too serious about the relationship, and I'm too tense about the entire situation rather than being laid-back and understanding that it's 'just another relationship'. and no matter if he also feels just as committed, I feel like it's impossible to avoid the topic of loyalty with him.
just seeing the fact that he'd confide in a friend rather than me, seems to also affect the relationship and my thoughts about it all. I'm thinking maybe he's not loyal to the relationship. I'm sure he's committed, but I feel like somewhere along the way, now or later, he'll betray my trust or even be dishonest with me.

I think I'm rambling now. hah

 

[For Honor]

! ah you are born may 8!

Well, hey, I can relate, may 6 here.

Yeah, i know JUST what you mean:

but I feel like somewhere along the way, now or later, he'll betray my trust or even be dishonest with me.

Hey, when's his bday? just for a different perspective.


I know, though, that I have to curb my Taurus tendancy to want to be too "indispensible" to that other person. But at the same time, I know that the other person can mean the world to me, so, it's a fine line.

You can compromise, but if you compromise too much, you aren't being true to yourself. However, you can be mature about things, and work at things...... so it's really a tricky thing, or I just am explaining it as such

heh.

good luck, though

 

[youtooellen]

! ah you are born may 8!

Well, hey, I can relate, may 6 here.

haha hooray to may-ers! hah

but to answer your question, his birthday is June 10th

You can compromise, but if you compromise too much, you aren't being true to yourself. However, you can be mature about things, and work at things...... so it's really a tricky thing, or I just am explaining it as such

it's crazy how I was just thinking that.

I'm figuring either work it out and act like an 'adult' about this, or be honest with myself and just let it go and move on.

and no matter what I try to compromise, it feels like I keep coming up with the same number of pros and cons for both decisions.

thanks alot for all the help FH, I really appreciate it.
many of my friends couldn't relate or even help me because they've never been in such a ... different position before in a relationship. so thanks FH

 

[For Honor]

I'm happy to help, because when I've been in simlar positions, I had no one to talk about relationships at all.

That's why I enjoy this place so much, because I don't really have people I can talk to, especially in regard to relationshps, and especially because I've been in some really odd situations.


And also, on a perhaps deeper level.....
If I can assist people in getting for them what I want for myself, I might learn something along the way, in addition to making the world a little "happier", or just better, perhaps...


But.........

this is exactly how I am right now, too:

I'm figuring either work it out and act like an 'adult' about this, or be honest with myself and just let it go and move on

Oh, and your friend is a gemini, so he'll probably be a little dual-type in personal. But that's not to say that a relationship is not possible. So, I guess that doesn't provide with a solid answer, either.

Oh well, heh.

 

[youtooellen]

I can't bring myself to have an in depth conversation about relationships much with my friends because I feel like they don't really relate much. Many of them have... terribly negative mindsets about the opposite gender and some don't even attempt to pursue a relationship. others get upset when I mention that I'm having problems in one it's complicated heh

but I seem to find myself at Zoo Confess. more and more everyday. all the advice everyone gives to each other helps me learn from my mistakes and situate myself in a way. it's almost as if I'm indirectly getting advice from people about problems that I'll run into in the future. (sorry if i make no sense)

Oh, and your friend is a gemini, so he'll probably be a little dual-type in personal. But that's not to say that a relationship is not possible. So, I guess that doesn't provide with a solid answer, either.

Oh well, heh.

he has this tendency to be multi-personalitied... if that makes any sense. with others he's more morbid almost, and others he's very eccentric. sometimes around me, i can feel all of his personalities colliding at once to create this one, weird personality.
once again, it makes no sense, but if you were there to see it then i suppose it would.

 

[For Honor]

No, what you said there makes perfect sense. That's typical of a gemini. I've got some gemini in me, which you may tell if you come across some of my sporadic postings elsewhere on intereference.

ZC, intereference, is a great place. I can see myself being a long time "blue crack addict", as they say...

I can't bring myself to have an in depth conversation about relationships much with my friends because I feel like they don't really relate much. Many of them have... terribly negative mindsets about the opposite gender and some don't even attempt to pursue a relationship. others get upset when I mention that I'm having problems in one it's complicated heh

Yeah, that's how it goes sometimes - but, there are places like this that can help out.




3 cheers for intereference!

 

[youtooellen]

haha 'blue crack addict'... I find myself becoming one more and more everyday
sometimes I ditch class and say I was having "locker trouble" or "couldn't find a certain textbook", but I go on the computer and check out the forum instead...

thank goodness for ZC - it's amazing how people can help each other out through.. well the internet.
the more I think about the internet and it's capabilities.. the more amused i get.

 

[For Honor]

Just like any other tool, the internet can be used for constructiono or destruction, (or good or bad, if you like).


Heh... misplacing texts, are we??

The aides in the computer lab and I always..... got along well, so, I had a decent time of being able to go to interference a lot. Of course, I kept it more secretive, though, because what is not understood is feared, especially HS. Which is the main reason I'm glad I'm out!

 

[youtooellen]

you see... during my first year in high school I discovered this room with a computer and dvd player that's hardly ever used. but the times it is, it's usually on a thursday, so I know when to not go there (it's used for indoor physical education classes, which there hardly are...)

that room comes in handy alot. it's my own special room . during lunch I don't go to the cafeteria, but instead I go to this room and watch U2 dvds and eat.....

it's also great because I know no one is looking over my shoulder to read what's going on in my monitor and whatnot.

 

[For Honor]

 

[youtooellen]

good news.
he finally returned a call.
yeah, a couple days later he calls back. hm. strange. I didn't even bother to ask

here's the jiff of our conversation:

he told me that he wanted to talk to me for a long time but he was worried that he might catch me at a bad time.
then he dove right into the conversation.

he said he feels like I don't like him anymore and that if he's a burden to me then I could end it and it'd be allright. and he said that during the time we didn't talk or see each other, he couldn't stop thinking about me and that he thinks the time apart has just made him miss me more and he thinks he loves me.

I was really shocked, but I didn't hold back on what I had to say. so I told him that I'm not sure about what's going on between us and that I don't know what's going on with my feelings for him.
so he suggested we work things out in person because he had to go. and he said ''if you feel that way, don't hold back on breaking up, because I'd be okay with it. but I would really love it if we could talk about this and work this out."

he sounded so sad on the phone but I don't know.
I think when we talk in person things will be completely different.

so. another thing to look forward to this weekend..

 

[For Honor]

Ah...... rough deal.........


That's a hard position to be in. I think I can remember being in his shoes, sort of. I would, like he said, just be honest with him. I wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't really want to be with me. It sounds like he feels the same.

I hope it works out, though. And remember, that ultimately, the best decision will be the right answer for both people, not just one or the other.

It's hard to explain my reasoning behind that, but that is how I feel.

 

[youtooellen]

after thinking about it a bit, I think I'm going to try to work it out.

i think i'll tell him what I think could be the reasons why I feel like things are falling apart or whatever. maybe that'd help or something.
I'm thinking maybe the reason why my feelings might be going 'astray' is because we hardly see each other, thus affecting our relationship. to be honest, i see him maybe once or twice a week and it's only for a few hours.


---

oh and we had another conversation after the phone call. we chatted online..

i asked him why he was being an ass on sunday and i told him to be honest, and he said it was because he was mad that we didn't go to homecoming on the saturday night before. see he asked me before, but i said i didn't want to go (personal reasons and financial reasons...) and he agreed and was okay with it.

but apparently he wasn't so we talked a bit about that.
so there's the explanation for why he was being a jerk on sunday and ignoring my phone calls.

 

[For Honor]

Communication.


Now, in your defense, I'd say "So, why didn't you spend time with me anyway?" etc, etc, etc. But that's none of my business, I don't need to THERE, so to say.

I can at least get a better picture, though.


I'm all for working out relationships, as oppsed to just.... dropping them. But you gotta be honest about what you want. As in, more time with each othere, etc, or whatever. Or less time, I really don't know.

But neither does he - so you gotta tell him what you want. Us guys are pretty slow when it comes to...... well, many things, I admit. But knowing what women want, ESPECIALLY when it comes to the reasoning behind them, that is sometimes out of our leagues.

And other times, guys feel many things themselves, but don't express it. Or don't know how, or can't. Or are afraid to..... but I suggest you two work on communicating. It's a rough, hard thing to do, but I know it will help.


I'm sure you've been preached this a lot of times, though, so I'll try to stop here. Heh.

But honesty takes courage... I know that much. So, honesty and communication. I guess what I want to finish this with, is.... sort of a remix of what I've tried to say before: That with honesty, and honest communication, you two can determine what course of action to take in regards to your relationship. But if you both are honest about it, then there is no wrong answer, really.

In a way, and this is something I have trouble with myself.... it isn't really about one person or the other. It's about both, and what is right for everyone. There is..... a fine, tricky line. I don't know if I can explain it quite yet.. but I've been thinking about it a lot.......

(you can stop reading here if you'd like... this is more... me thinking out loud)


Edit.......

eh...... I think I was getting too offcourse.... so I .... moved my thoughts elsewhere. Let me see...... what should I conclude with...


I think one of the good points form my...... brainstorm.... was that...... what is shared between the couple is the only thing that is essentially real.

What I am leading to is..... a relationship is only valued at what common level of interest there is between the two parties.

Meaning..... whatever is shared, whatever is common, that is the only thing that is real, the only thing that is.... existing in the reality of the real world. One person can have delusions, illusions, hopes, dreams, etc.. And relationships DO progress, no doubt there. But..... when it comes to what is and what is not, what is shared is really what should be looked at, in my opinion.

I don't know if that will help any or not, but it's just something I thought of, sort of...

Basically, the real meaning, the essense, the value of the relationship... is what you two share. What, and how deep, and etc. I really don't think, that, when assessing a relationship, it is about one person or the other. Assessing has to do with both. Not just...... what one person wants, or one person feels. It doesn't matter, almost. The only thing that is real is.... "what you agree on", I want to say.

But I can't seem to word it right just yet.....

I'll keep trying to figure out just what I mean to say... but...... I'll leave this up here. If it helps you any, great. If...... if it sounds like nothing, like a person talking in circles or something, then don't worry about it.



Regardless, good luck.

And, thanks for letting me try to help you. I really appreciate it.
Heh.

 

[youtooellen]

your advice is true. i considered what the common interest between us.. kind of what brought us together in the first place. and i think throughout the mess I kind of forgot that along the way and it seems like he did too. both of us pretty much got lost in our own problems rather than the great things we share in common with each other. even though he doesn't like bono , differences are always great in relationships too.

and I agree about the communication and honesty thing too. I won't forget it. actually, I'll try to mention it to him when I talk to him this weekend.


thanks so much FH, your words were very helpful

 

[For Honor]

I hope everything works out for the best.