Are romantic relationships mentally unhealthy?

[Techie2000]

I've always been single, never had a "girlfriend" nor been on a date (that's my confession part, but not the reason I posted this, its more the topic seemed more appropriate to the crowd here though if mods want, feel free to move it). It seems all my guy friends who do, are miserable half the time worrying about whether their girlfriend still loves them, or miserable more after breaking up. My single friends and I, though once and a while complaining about being single, for the most part seem happy more of the time and have lots of fun. That of my personal experience combined with looking at things like the divorce rate in the country, makes me wonder, is it worth it? Is there something unhealthy about the way men and women are having relationships in our modern society?

 

[redkat]

most of mine have been

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

Yes so many times they definitely are, or people start out very healthy and make them unhealthy by their actions and words. I think the healthiest romantic relationship people can have begins and ends with true and real friendship. I think that's the most "romantic" thing that can exist between men and women, I think any other kind of romance is ultimately useless and usually bs.

 

[Sweet Tart]

they can be....people can drive you crazy in the best of situations. but if you can find someone that treats you with love and respect then there are few things better than being in a relationship with someone. unfortunately a lot of people don't treat their significant others very well and that leads to all the other crap that comes with relationships which although is the shits everyone has to deal with every now and again (some more than others).

 

[indra]

Supposedly married men are happier and live longer than unmarried ones. And I thought I heard that both married men and women are healthier than unmarried ones.

However, I think that's all just a plot by the suits to keep everyone in line.

 

[starsgoblue]

Yes so many times they definitely are, or people start out very healthy and make them unhealthy by their actions and words. I think the healthiest romantic relationship people can have begins and ends with true and real friendship. I think that's the most "romantic" thing that can exist between men and women, I think any other kind of romance is ultimately useless and usually bs.

I agree. Alot of times I see people who are in relationships tend to start viewing their SO as almost property....getting annoyed over things that, in the long run, make no difference--pitching a fit because a boyfriend wants a night out with the guys for example. That's where I see alot of fireworks---you have to see your SO as your best friend & treat them that way. Can't we all say we've let our closest friends get away with murder? So yea, I agree.

 

[Windmilllane]

Every guy I know who is attached is absolutely miserable. Their girlfriends nag them so much. Women in relationships are never ever satisfied with anything. They always bitch and complain, bitch and complain, you never do this, you never do that, you never take me here, you never take me there, you never get me anything, blah, blah, blah.
So in conclusion, don't have a relationship. Be as single as you can; date as many hot chicks/guys as you can and have as much sex as you can. You'll be a lot happier than being in a relationship.

 

[Muggsy]

well... the word "romantic" always made me think about those kind of relationships where, instead of knowing and accepting each other, they create false expectatives and try to build a "happy, pretty world" ignoring each other's flaws, and that's always unhealthy.

So, in my opinion, Romantic relationships (in all the meaning of the words) are often unhealthy. A real relationship where we can accept our flaws and make the things work, is healthy, even if things gone bad, because there are honesty, I think.

 

[Angela Harlem]

it seems you're all describing people who ruin relationships, rather than those who build happy healthy ones.



people in good relationships I think are very happy. dont blame the relationship. it gets messy when we try and make it work with the wrong person.

 

[ylimeU2]

I'm agree with Angela. Nothing wrong with a happy and well balanced relationship. I think that people are often so desperate to be with anyone, just to not be alone that they try to change or change for the other person, and that will make you miserable.

 

[Carek1230]

In today's society happy healthy and well-balanced relationships are a minority. It seems couples become bored too quickly and easily or lazy and just don't want to fight or spend added energy to make the relationship work when things get rocky or go wrong. Breaking things off just seems cleaner and easier, and find someone else, start again.....just my take.

 

[Liesje]

Supposedly married men are happier and live longer than unmarried ones. And I thought I heard that both married men and women are healthier than unmarried ones.

Actually, in my gender studies class, we looked at a study and the results were that the happiest groups of people are 1) married men and 2) unmarried women!

Techie, as for your question, it depends on where you're looking. I have a great relationship, but we started as acquaintances, then friends, then casual dating, and it progressed from there. It's never really been "romantic" in the sense that there was love at first sight and we've been attached to the hip ever since. Honestly, I think seriously committed relationships in high school/first year or so of college aren't the greatest idea because that is the time when you're just coming in to your own self. I DO think it's unhealthy to be so focused on another person or a relationship. Of course, there are some very mature people who have all their ducks in a row, but for the majority, it seems that people who are single or casually dating are happier than ones trying to juggle figuring their life out, adjusting to college, and devoting themselves to a significant other.

 

[Got Philk?]

I'm pretty happy over here being engaged. Hope this helps someone's argument...

 

[Achtung_Bebe]

I find it funny that the "Are romantic relationships mentally unhealthy?" thread was right beneath the " The craziest thing you've done for love" thread

I'm also in agreement with Angela on this. The health of a relationship depends on whether the person you're trying to make things work with really compliments you or not. I haven't had much of a dating life to speak of; however, I've seen it happen where 2 people will get so infatuated and attached that they'll isolate themselves from friends. It's no wonder they get so nervous about breaking up, or devastated once the relationship is done. Invest all of yourself in anything and you're bound to feel empty once you lose it. What LivLuv mentioned about allowing your relationships to develop in stages is great advice because then you may be less likely to become purely infatuated.

 

[Sweet Tart]

people in good relationships I think are very happy. dont blame the relationship. it gets messy when we try and make it work with the wrong person.

 

[BrownEyedBoy]

people in good relationships I think are very happy. dont blame the relationship. it gets messy when we try and make it work with the wrong person.

Never saw it that way.

 

[girlhappy]

people in good relationships I think are very happy. dont blame the relationship. it gets messy when we try and make it work with the wrong person.

i couldnt agree more, it is just.....love isnot rational thing,you know....

 

[AtomicBono]

I think the problem is when you love someone but you have an unhealthy relationship, whether it's because you fight all the time or there's some sort of abuse or someone is too controlling or whatever. It's a touchy thing because if the people love each other they obviously don't wanna break up, yet for whatever reason the relationship isn't working. It's a lose-lose situation. It's With or Without You. I know people like this. But I also know people who seem to have a happy, healthy relationship and are very in love. I think the key is balancing the relationship with the rest of life and constantly try to make it work, but get out of it if it's obviously not working, no matter how much you may love the person. It depends on the situation, I suppose. The romantic part of me says "anything for love!," but if a relationship is making you miserable you shouldn't be in it.

 

[BonosBaby12]

I'm agree with Angela. Nothing wrong with a happy and well balanced relationship. I think that people are often so desperate to be with anyone, just to not be alone that they try to change or change for the other person, and that will make you miserable.

Very well said! In order to have a relationship last than you have to be yourself! Eventually flaws are going to be exposed as it's bound to happen. I was always told in order for a relationship to really work than you have to be best friends. Followed this advice and it's really true. Noone is going to have a perfect relationship. However it is possible to have a happy healthy one that does have it's bad times. You are either in for it the long run or just the short term while the infatuation is still strong! Than there are other times where you really do love each other but just aren't meant to be together. See lots of problems when those people try to make that work.

 

[unforgettableFOXfire]

I kindof agree with what Muggsy said. It seems to me that 'romance' tends to connote some sort of perversion of reality, an idealization if you prefer, and that if people just have a romantic relationship that its doomed to fail by this not being connected to reality... I mean, realisitically speaking, you're not going to get flowers everyday, or be taken care of 24/7, or be on the top of someone's priorities list at all times regardless of circumstances: and if you believe that you should be treated as if you were on top, that you are entitled to extra-special treatment, etc then you're setting expectations that will not be met. I'm not trying to suggest that people should settle for being treated shabbily, but I am suggesting that people will never get what they want out of a relationship if they're looking for some fairy-tale style shit; because life isn't a fairy tale, plain and simple.


Best relationships, imho, are those that are like the very best of friendships. Equitable give-and-take, an established understanding of expectations, compassionate compromises, etc.

 

[Laura M]

I was happy single and now I am very happy in a relationship. I would never settle for a relationship that would make me unhappy or have to change things to suit someone though. We've been living together since September in a totally new culture and country and because I have a very good job that involves a very small amount of hours work we have spent a lot of time together so I feel that we've been given a really good opportunity. A lot of sacrifices were made so that we could do that so I could never take things for granted, I know I am really spoiled and very lucky to be in such a good position.

 

[Angela Harlem]

I was happy single and now I am very happy in a relationship. I would never settle for a relationship that would make me unhappy or have to change things to suit someone though. We've been living together since September in a totally new culture and country and because I have a very good job that involves a very small amount of hours work we have spent a lot of time together so I feel that we've been given a really good opportunity. A lot of sacrifices were made so that we could do that so I could never take things for granted, I know I am really spoiled and very lucky to be in such a good position.

 

[Mr. BAW]

I think I'll need "another 18 years" with BAW before I answer...trust, honesty, romance, travel, continual conversation, openness, mutual friends, separate friends, joint vacations, separate vacations...mentally healthy????

For some it works, for us, the best thing in our lives....

 

[girlhappy]

I was happy single and now I am very happy in a relationship. I would never settle for a relationship that would make me unhappy or have to change things to suit someone though. We've been living together since September in a totally new culture and country and because I have a very good job that involves a very small amount of hours work we have spent a lot of time together so I feel that we've been given a really good opportunity. A lot of sacrifices were made so that we could do that so I could never take things for granted, I know I am really spoiled and very lucky to be in such a good position.

That souds very healthy and like you are really sane person. The thing is: you got good conditions for good relationship inside of you. I wish i was more self-sufficient.

 

[A_Wanderer]

I've been sane for too long, change is good.