Am I my own worst enemy?

[No spoken words]

I have no idea what, specifically, I'm going to type here, so this should prove to be interesting, at least to me.

I'm 34, and truly, lead a great life, I'm lucky, very lucky, and I know it.

I have a great set of parents who I'm proud to count as friends, love my sister and my small extended family, too. My childhood was very middle class, in NYC, so I was exposed to so many different cultures and culture itself while growing up. Had a fairly good education, etc.

My career is going pretty well, and I love the field I work in, even after 11 years of doing it. I've managed to do well in my field without clawing my way up, you know? Just work hard, and, good things seem to keep happening for me. Again, I'm lucky.

Also, I LOVE my friends. Cannot believe that a dork like me has accumulated so many quality people to sprinkle around the different phases of my life. I now have friends in a lot of major US cities, decent amount here in LA and back home in NYC, it's really gratifying for me. Again. Lucky.

Lastly, I have a lot of interests that keep me wholly occupied. Music, reading, writing, playing and watching sports, travel, films, learning, etc. I'm never bored.

So, what's the problem? Well, I'm single, and, kind of content to be that way. Yet, I want a family and kids, too. If my life were bad...if I felt bored...or lonely....or desperate to meet someone before I get too damned old....I might be more proactive. But I really love my life, and this precludes me from trying to meet people....especially women. I'm human, so, yeah, there are times that I miss all the positives that go with being in a good relationship, but those times are pangs, not long-lasting states of mind. I love the company of women greatly, platonic or romantic, I find that it allows me to display a side of myself I'm not normally allowed to show.

I don't know my point, really. I don't know if I am looking for advice, feedback, anything. For all I know, people will read this and want me to shut up, now. I don't know.

I just know that I feel like I'm caught between 2 people....the 1 that likes all my freedom (not freedom to see tons of women, nothing like that, just freedom in general)...and the 1 that wants to start a family eventually. There are worse problems to have, this I know. But, for now, this is my problem and thus, regardless of how much worse things could be, it demands some measure of attention from me.

Thanks for reading this.

 

[frost_orchid]

I have a entirely different set of circumstances but I just wanted to say I know exactly where you are coming from. I may not be as blessed as you are with having people around me. But I do know what it's like to feel like you are missing out on something more enriching by not having someone near you in a relationship sense. Marriage.. and all that.. and children. I value my freedom as well, and it's been so long since I've been in a relationship with someone even longer to count a good one. So um.. yeah. Just wanted to let you know.. You're not alone. *hug*

 

[No spoken words]

Aw, thanks a lot, I appreciate that.

It's so odd, being so happy and content on a regular basis, but being acutely aware that you want more, feel you can be happier.

Also a fine line between that wanting and sounding like a whiner, which I hope is not the case here.

Again, thank you for the reply, it means a lot to me.

 

[No spoken words]

Oh, and for the record, after writing the original post, which served as a way of venting.....and following that with a rare good night's sleep....I feel.....exactly the same!

 

[indra]

Well.... at least you're a guy, so you don't really have that biological clock thing too be stressed about.

The only advice I can give is never get so desperate for a relationship/family that you will jump into a bad situation. That's never good for anyone.

 

[No spoken words]

I appreciate the advice, and it's something I plan on adhering to for as long as I live, single or not. I'd never compromise just to settle down, not worth it. And, yes, no clock ticking biologically, or otherwise.

As I said, if I felt some sort of ticking clock, I might be more proactive, but because I enjoy life so much, I feel no need for haste.

Thanks again for the reply, I expected nobody to reply, let alone 2 people.

 

[Sicy]

As I said, if I felt some sort of ticking clock, I might be more proactive, but because I enjoy life so much, I feel no need for haste.

As long as you are happy and enjoy your life that's all that matters. No one says that you HAVE to get married and you HAVE to have kids. It's what 'society' expects I guess.. but I disagree. Whatever makes you happy and healthy is all that matters.

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

So you don't meet women w/ the same interests you have, when you are persuing those interests?

You seem like a nice guy to me so you never know, that right woman could be just around the corner. I think you should just keep on living the way you are. I've seen too many people in relationships just because they are lonely or whatever, some just because they wanted kids, who are now getting divorced.

 

[No spoken words]

I meet people with similar interests, but I have a lot of interests, so it'd be hard to meet someone that had nothing in common with me. I just rarely meet people I want to date, and if I do, then, they of course they have to want to date me.....which is not guaranteed!!

I believe in what Sicy says, that one does not HAVE to get married. You are right, I do not have to. I do, one day, want to, though, if only because that would mean that I did one day meet someone perfect for me, and that person thought I was perfect for them. That would be amazing. And to Patti Scialfa above me , I also agree, I will keep living as I am, and if the worst case scenario is that every once in a while I get a tad confused about what my future may or may not hold, well, that I can deal with. Thanks for saying that I seem like a nice guy, that comment will make me forget that Jason Vertiek is leering at me as I type this post. He's mocking me, damn him.....sigh, moving on.

I, too, have seen my fair share of messed up relationships that never should have happened in the first place....that will never be me.

Again, my thanks to anyone that read this, and profuse thanks to those that have replied, you're great people, but I knew that, you're all U2 fans so how could you not be great?

I'll check back one more time to see if anyone else actually reads or replies to this, the feedback has been great and just confirms that my approach seems to be a good one.

 

[U2democrat]

i'm in a somewhat similar situation....but i don't want to get married....yet.

all i want is a relationship. i'm also very blessed with a wonderful family and lots of great friends, plus plenty of interests to keep me busy.

yet all of my 18 years i've been completely single. but as others have suggested to me, just wait, and the right person will come around without me even knowing. good advice that i'm passing along to you.

 

[No spoken words]

Thanks, U2Democrat.

I've had my share of relationships, some good, some bad, so I definitely have learned about what I'm good at or bad at when "with" someone.

I just have yet to find someone I thought might be "the one", which is fine.

My thing really boils down to my Catch-22 of me wanting to settle down someday, but, at the same time, my unwillingness, due to my contentment with my life, to really pursue relationships.

I wonder if I'm making sense, it's a subtle thing, at least it is to me. I'm happy single, I'm happy in a relationship, but I want a relationship, one day, that leads to a family. I just don't want to go on a search for that, or compromise for that.

I'll shut up now!

And I've read some posts of yours, Dem, and you should wait and wait and wait until you really meet someone worthy of you, you seem like a really bright and thoughtful girl, so you deserve someone like yourself.

 

[U2democrat]

thanks. sounds like we're pretty much in the same boat just at different stages in life.

 

[No spoken words]

No thanks needed, my pleasure.

Yeah, I think our situations are definitely similar, so there is some measure of empathy there, which is nice, always good to be reassured that you are not alone.

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

What strikes me as really positive in all of this is you seem very content with your life as is. That's always good, whether you're looking for someone to share your life with or not.

Good luck to you. I'm sure you'll find what you're looking for.

 

[No spoken words]

What strikes me as really positive in all of this is you seem very content with your life as is. That's always good, whether you're looking for someone to share your life with or not.

Good luck to you. I'm sure you'll find what you're looking for.

Thanks, I hope you are right.

I am content, that's what makes me being single less of an issue, per se, and more of...well....just an aspect of life.

Being happy and content, without being a pollyanna about it, seems increasingly rare to me....so I feel pretty lucky to be at that sort of place.

Thanks again, all these replies have really surprised me, you're a great group.

 

[Bono's shades]

I for one think you are doing the right thing. People shouldn't wait to be in a relationship before they consider themselves happy. You should be able to make yourself happy. That way you have more to offer someone else if they do come along.

 

[No spoken words]

I for one think you are doing the right thing. People shouldn't wait to be in a relationship before they consider themselves happy. You should be able to make yourself happy. That way you have more to offer someone else if they do come along.

Thanks!! I think you're correct, and I hope that attitude ultimately pays off for me, though, one could say that it pays dividends daily as things stand now.

 

[U2democrat]

its good to be single and happy

 

[dandy]

its good to be single and happy

make that single and fabulous.

remember, you define your own standards of success. if it ain't broke, no need to fix it.

 

[No spoken words]

make that single and fabulous.

remember, you define your own standards of success. if it ain't broke, no need to fix it.

Truer words are hard to come by.

It aint broke, that's for sure. My thoughts run towards "It aint broke, but can it perform better?" sometimes.

Again, if you're going to be a problem, hell, let it be one like this, where I win either way.

Thanks....