Advice please

[Irishteen]

I need some advice, well thats probaly clear from the title, please read of all of this and if you have any advice please feel free to share

Okay, well I have been talking to this girl on the internet, for nearly 9 months now, and we were really close friends for ages, we talk on the internet for at least three hours every night. Well just over a week ago I got a e-mail from her were she told me that she loves me. Now I can’t tell you all how happy this made me feel, I have had really strong feelings for her for a good while now, but decided to hide them because I had no idea how she felt about me. And likewise she was hiding her feelings because she had no idea how I felt about her. Now my point is that she is not just some girl on the internet I have a crush on, I love her and she loves me. We want to be together more than anything. Well here comes our problem, as you can probably tell by my name, we're both still teenagers, and I am still in school, I have a year and a half left. Also as you should be able to see from my name I live in Ireland, and she lives in Australia. Well okay the point is, I love her so much that I am willing to go to college in Australia so I can be with her. Now the main problem about this is our parents, you see the problem is for one, my parents are completely against internet relationships, and her mother and her have a really bad relationship, and she always seems to try to make her feel miserable. Now you see we don’t want to keep how we feel about each other a secret, and feel we have to tell our parents, but we are afraid of what they might do, we fear one of them may ban us from the computer, and we wouldn’t be able to talk to each other anymore and neither of us would be able to do that, we love each other too much not to be able to talk to each other . We need some advice, we don’t know if we should tell our parents, and if we do how to tell them, or if we should just keep it a secret for a while, can anyone give us some good advice we need to know what to do.

 

[Lancemc]

Wow, it's almost Shakesperian.

I don't know what to tell you. I wouldn't want to offer my inexperienced opinion for such a serious situation, but I can tell you to stay true to your feelings, no matter what they are. I can't tell you what course of action to take, but be honest with your emotions.

 

[Meghan]

Maybe if you explained to your parents just how strong your feelings are for eachother. Once they understand that, then you could work up to telling them you want to study in Australia.

But yeah, I don't know much about the situation, and I've never been in anything similar myself, so I'm not sure how useful I can really be.
I CAN honestly say that Australia's a nice place, and you'd probably like living here.

 

[Angela Harlem]

Pursuing this at this time in your life would prove more difficult than you might realise or have the cajones to cope with. Practically speaking, it would be an unbelievable achievement if you could do it. You will need just to start with, tens of thousands of dollars in savings to not only pay for your uni (perhaps $20-$30,000 on average?), but to show the government you are worthy of a student visa to study here and can support yourself for the 3 or 4 years minimum it takes you to get your degree.

Now on to less 'practical' things, you are both young. Either or both of you will perhaps be losing a valuable support network by doing something your families would advise against. Obviously everyone eventually reaches the point where we need to live for ourselves and as adults we make our own decisions - but are either of you at that stage yet? You say you have 18 months of school left. So you are 16 approximately? That's awfully young to be spreading your wings and making decisions like that now. But it's not my place to judge that. Nor how likely that beyond the practical realities, the odds of a young relationship lasting is.

So all that aside, which only you and fate know, you have a minimum list of:
-couple of thousand for airfares alone
-20-30 thousand for your fees (i dont think international students can go though hecs etc)
-another 10 or so at least to see you set yourself up securely to live on your own in a strange country. i can only hope that it wont be sydney, as unless you are filthy rich, you wont be able to make it.

Maybe thinking of doing this in the long term is more wise? Come out here for a holiday, meet her, spend time with her. Go back, study hard, save money, and see where you both are in 4 years? Seems a lifetime away, I'm sure, but it's more practical to take your time with this. and proceed slowly. hold off telling your parents, I'd suggest, for now. Wait til you have something tangible to tell them maybe after having a holiday here. Let them know you met some wonderful people, tell them about her then. Explain your desire to one day stay out here for longer or whatever. Know where you guys are before you involve the family, perhaps. Not deceitfully of course, but once you have something to actually build upon.

 

[For Honor]

^ good advice.


The only thing I will say in regard to this is that if you are serious about this, then you should make an effort to do it, because you might regret it. At least to keep it a live.

However, prior to taking any action, you need to get super objective, and be reasonable and sincere about your feelings. How can someone love another if they've never really met?

You've gotta ask all the tough questions, and don't assume anything.


Lastly.....

one never realizes how young one is until one becomes older. There is no substitute for time and experience...

 

[Liesje]

See Angela's post.

Being in a relationship in college is HARD, even if it's someone you know very well and have been going out with for a long time beforehand. I can't even begin to imagine how hard/stressful it would be to have a committed college relationship that involved a long distance relationship or moving halfway around the world to a brand new place to make it work. If you're willing to do that, I guess there's nothing stopping you, but just remember, when you commit to something like that, you close a lot of doors on other opportunities at the same time. Instead of spending time adjusting to a new place, making new friends, and focusing on school work, you have to constantly devote your time and energy to a single relationship. Ask yourself if it's really worth it to spend all that time and money and stress on moving halfway around the world at such a young age for someone you've never even met.

 

[kate101]

I'm the girl....

I love him and I want to spend the rest of my life with him, I don't think i can wait a year and a half there is no way I can wait long-term wise, I realize it means great sacrifice for both of us but my love for him is more important, I know it will be hard money and school wise but waiting will be harder, I wont be graduate from university for 15 years, I can't wait that long. I thank you for your advice but I love him and most of your advice isn't about what he asked, I feel the need to be truthful with my mother but if I lose him I will lose everything important to me so I don't want to tell her.

 

[For Honor]

Ifit's just a matter of telling your parents about i t, well..... that's really up to you.

I don't see a reason to wait too long.



nevertheless, don't get blinded.
But, if you are both as serious as you say, go right ahead.


This is life, and you get the most out of it when you take action, being proactive as opposed to passive and stagnant. You'll ruffel some feathers, but

If it matters that much to both of you, go ahead.

Hopefully your parents will let you explain things. And even if they don't agree, they, ideally, should at least understand why.

Just remember that it isn't just about you two.
A lot of peolpe are involved.


....(but if you two are the only people in 'your world', well.... go ahead. You'll either have a blast, or learn from the experience)

 

[Angela Harlem]

I'm the girl....

I love him and I want to spend the rest of my life with him, I don't think i can wait a year and a half there is no way I can wait long-term wise, I realize it means great sacrifice for both of us but my love for him is more important, I know it will be hard money and school wise but waiting will be harder, I wont be graduate from university for 15 years, I can't wait that long. I thank you for your advice but I love him and most of your advice isn't about what he asked, I feel the need to be truthful with my mother but if I lose him I will lose everything important to me so I don't want to tell her.

you guys really are in an incredibly tough spot. simply getting him out here alone is going to be a massive hurdle. he needs money, and a truckload of it, to be able to study. he and you both need family/emotional support and security to study at any tertiary level unless you want to simply scrape through. add on to this, your dilemma about what to do with your parents, and i feel for you both. he says you have a tenuous relationship with your mum, which will possibly get worse if she finds out about this relationship. a relationship she will need to find out about anyway, one day. wanting to tell her or not aside, she is going to have to know. you cant hide it and dont want to anyway so that's cool. but you both seem to think she's going to get pissed. here is step 2 of your big probs. how are you guys going to be able to overcome her reaction? do you have other family you can stay with if he is able to get his visa and come out here? for you to go through centrelink and do this on your own is not going to be easy anyway, but if he stayed with you, it could get tricky with the visa. centrelink is not seen as stability for visa applicants. unfortunately.

which state are you in, kate? in nsw, local tobacconists and some newsagents sell these phone cards for international phone calls at local call costs. for say $10, you can buy 1,200 minutes of talk time to certain european countries by calling a number listed on a sheet you get with it which is local to you, then entering the card number and a pin number which each come with. you have to dial abour 38 numbers, but it is an amazingly cheap way to keep in touch with people overseas. not sure if you are aware of them, but it might be a very cheap and easy way for you to keep in close contact. phone calls are much nicer than email, im sure you agree.

 

[gareth brown]

i'd personally reccomend waiting, while visiting each other etc. but not completely uprooting yourself and going all the way to the other side of the world with little idea of how you're going to make money to live, study etc.

 

[For Honor]

what about two people who are in a simliar situation, guys?

But they are both in the US, one in Nebraska and another in Colorado? Would that be more do-able, since there's less distance and such?

As in, is the major factor the distance and these two being in different countries

 

[Angela Harlem]

yeah, i reckon it does make a difference. hmm. what's a huge bugger for these 2 is their ages make the distance thing seem almost impossible to overcome. when you are young, as distance increases, so does ease of moving around. and with your example, here's no visa or immigration issue to hold them back. part of this for these 2 is out of their control entirely.

 

[For Honor]

word...

 

[Liesje]

I thank you for your advice but I love him and most of your advice isn't about what he asked, I feel the need to be truthful with my mother but if I lose him I will lose everything important to me so I don't want to tell her.

I think the problem is that first you guys have to decide if it's worth it, b/c if it's not, there's no point in bringing your parents into this and creating conflict in those relationships as well.

 

[causalitycalls]

Angel's right in it's really gonna come down to the money. Even both your parents miraculoulsy decide to give their blessings, there's still a massive bill for moving, school, living, etc....Furthermore, I know your in love, but PLEASE do not choose your college based on emotion. Just don't do it-bad things always happen. Why not go to colleges that are more practical choices & the get into the study abroad program? (we have it in the states, I assume you guys have something of the sort). Spend a few semesters in between the 2 countries. Plus don't rush it-you guys are what, 16-18? You have your entire lives!! Slow down!! Why rack up $100,000+++ in school loan debts that you'll be paying back for all enternity? It's easy to get caught up in the emotion, but if it's true love you've got to also be practical about it.

As the ever-wise Larry says:
"I'm a cynic about all that lovey-dovey stuff. A marriage is a partnership and you better look at it that way or you're in trouble!All that lovey-dovey business gets in the way.
How's she gonna feel about him in a couple of years when he's pickin' his nose?
Or when he's pickin' her nose?"

 

[For Honor]

Souls merging =