adivce?

[U2bpbear24]

I feel selfish right now...

my dad passed away when I was 16 (im now 19) and 2 days ago a good friend's dad passed away due to a bad accident. The wake is tomorrow night and the funeral is Sat. morning. Ever since my Dad died it has been really difficult to go to a wake/funeral let alone even talking about one. I feel really selfish and crappy for not wanting to go to my friend's dad's wake because I think it will bring back too many bad memories....But i should go being that my friend's Dad was a really cool guy, and I should go out of respect.... I guess im just scared that it will be too much for me...and now im getting down on myself for being selfish and not wanting to go. I should just go to the wake tomorrow and suck it up, move on with my life....right?

gah, im torn.

 

[UberBeaver]

Right. Go for your freind. And it's normal to not want to go, I think, but you're going to have to do lots of things you don't want to do.

 

[indra]

I'm sure it's bringing up bad memories for you. It's almost as if you are having to relive your own loss again. And they are hard to go to...even in the best of circumstances (and this isn't).

But I do think it's important for you to go (at least to the wake -- I personally think of the funeral more as a family thing. I'm sure other have different views though), because right now your friend really needs your support. And the very fact that have also lost your father, and so truly understand the loss your friend is facing, will make your being there all the more helpful.

I honestly think you will feel better if you do go, even though it will be hard.

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

Go and support your friend.

 

[neutral]

Try to go, at least to the wake, for the sake of your good friend. I think it will probably mean a lot to him/her to have you there, knowing that you really do know what they're going through. (There is nothing like losing your father. ) There are always going to be things that are hard to do because they'll be reminders of that loss but just try for your friend.


After tomorrow night if you feel you really can't handle going to the funeral, I think it would be okay to just have attended the wake.

 

[tiny dancer]

I agree with neutral. When my dad passed away it was a long time before I could step foot in a funeral home. When a close friends father passed away I didn't go to the funeral home, but I did go to the service. It was mighty hard, but I was gald that I attended it. So was my friend.

 

[U2bpbear24]

thanks for all the replys guys. I will go to the wake tomorrow night for my friend.


thanks again, all.

 

[vervex]

It's normal you don't want to go but... Maybe he needs your support ? At least I'd go to see him before the funerals and talk with him, explain the situation. But going might help you to release some of your sadness too, don't you think ? You wouldn't be alone, and crying sometimes help. I understand you might not want to be sad either. Anyway, the choice is yours and you manage your feelings

 

[Carek1230]

I'd suggest going, out of respect for your friends' dad and the family as well as for supporting your friend......and I am willing to bet even though it will be a difficult feat for you, that you will feel so good about having gone. It's not selfish at all what you are feeling, it is completely natural. But at least give it a try. I bet you will be surprised at yourself and your strength. Check back in and let us know how it went.

 

[For Honor]

Go for yourself because you want to, or don't go at all...

 

[Amigone]

Funerals are for the living.

If you go or not, I am sure your friend will understand.

 

[U2bpbear24]

well, just checking back in with the thread...I ended up going to both the wake and the funeral.... so glad I did. I was really happy to be there for my friend and support him through all of this. thanks guys for the advice.

 

[indra]

well, just checking back in with the thread...I ended up going to both the wake and the funeral.... so glad I did. I was really happy to be there for my friend and support him through all of this. thanks guys for the advice.

That's good to hear. I'm sure your friend appreciated your support.

 

[neutral]

Cool, glad to hear it worked out for you.