accident at school

[flowerchildH]

So, I'm relatively new here, but please be kind. I didn't really know how else to let everything out.

I am a senior at an all girls boarding school. There are 67 of us in the entire school.

A lot of parents think that they can just send their girls off to school and that it will magically get rid of all of their problems. The only issue with that is that most of the other girls were sent there for problems too, therefor negatively influencing the rest of them that would otherwise be getting better.

Last night 2 of our girls went out with 2 boys from our brother school, a military academy. One of our girls was under the influence of lord knows what at the time. The boys were driving and got into an accident. They knew that the girls were pretty badly hurt and took them to some trailer in the middle of nowhere, took away their cell phones, and left them there because they did not want to get in trouble with the police. One of the girls who was in better condition called a girl from school while in the middle of the woods telling her where she thought that they were and what had happened. Long story short, one of the girls has 2 broken ribs, a laceration to her liver, and internal bleeding. She is in stable condition and in surgery as I type. The other is in a coma and in a larger hospital 1.5 hours away. They aren't sure if she'll wake up because of the drugs she had taken beforehand.

I know its not my fault, but I'm the mature responsible one at the school. unlike the rest of the girls, I came here because I wanted a better education than the one I had. I feel responsible for everything these girls do. I knew that the one in a coma was big into the drug thing and pretty often saw her under their influence. I knew that she was doing shit like that. And I didn't tell our Dean or anyone about it because I thought that I could handle it myself. Nothing had gotten completely out of control yet.

Hopefully both of the girls will be fine and come through. You never know with these things. I keep telling myself and the rest of the girls that the both of them (esp. the one in a coma) will be fine, but I'm having a hard time really believing it. Its so sad to see such wonderful, beautiful girls be destroyed. I've never dealt with death before except my great grandparents, and wouldn't know who to handle this situation if it furthered. Like I said, I'm the responsible one who everyone comes to to be strong and not how emotion. How could I be there for all the other girls if i couldn't even handle it myself.

By the way both boys, upon returning to school that night were arrested. Their charges are undetermined as of right now.

Oh, and I don't believe in God, but the girl in a coma does. What is your alls opinion of praying for someone even if you don't believe it yourself. It can't hurt, right?

thanks,
Hannah

 

[Vincent Vega]

Do whatever you feel will help. If you think praying might help, pray (I don't believe as well).

As the most mature person you might feel responsible for the others, and might feel committed to be there for them. However, it is important that you understand that you are not that mature to carry this weight (sorry if this comes across rude, but it isn't meant to be). Your school certainly has the resource (read: specialists) for professional help, and it's not on you to do things you simply cannot. And one thing is, you can't be there for all the other girls if you need the time for yourself. You can't do more than that. And you are not responsible for the other girls, that is the school. If they come to you, and you feel that you can't handle it, be honest and tell them so. Don't pretend to be stronger than you are. And look for help yourself if you feel the need.
And make sure to surround yourself with people, this helps alot.

 

[Carek1230]

Wow. This is a pretty heavy batch of issues for someone your age to handle. Don't feel you must carry the burden or be the responsible mature one. You have no control over anyone else but yourself. Be true to yourself and responsible for your own actions. Also I believe in what goes around comes around....we get what we deserve and this stems from what we individually choose to do to our bodies and in our lives.

That said, it certainly doesn't hurt to feel the need to hope this girl in a coma comes out of it. It's not really about religion as much in the power of positive thought and faith in my opinion. I do strongly believe the more people giving positive thoughts be it via prayer or simply powerful positive thinking in a meditative sense will and CAN help the object in need.

I hope whoever was at fault for administering whatever substance caused this accident, injuries and coma does get their due justice and I do hope that the girl comes out of her coma. I will keep her in my prayers and positive thoughts.

Keep us posted as to how this progresses, OK? Meanwhile, don't beat yourself up about the fact this unfortunate situation remains. You were not at fault (unless you really had anything to do with any of it--sorry, just had to throw that in).

Good luck.

 

[gman]

Unless you are a parent, then you are responsible for NOBODY!

 

[Galeongirl]

This is not your fault or responsibility! It's the girls' own stupid fault and that of the boys, and they deserve some sever punishment for leaving them behind like that who does that? seriously, that's insane!

 

[norsehorse23]

Hey, as a teacher at a high school, i completely know how it feels to think that you maybe could have prevented someone from hurting themselves... i have had a student suicide and several car accidents through my tenure. sounds like you are doing a good job of being the 'mature' one, and just keep at it.

 

[flowerchildH]

We had a meeting last night with our Dean about the entire situation. He was pretty much placing the blame on us, asking us what we could of done to help avoid the situation from taking place. They also told us that their is an investigation under way, and not to talk so much about it. which kind of scares me becuase I'm talking about it right now! But I needed to get it off of my chest, and I couldn't think of any other way to. Plus I didn't use anyone's name besides my own.

The girls are both fine and have escaped any serious threats to their lives at this point. Because the whole incident is so ridiculous, there is obviously an investigation occurring. Therefore not only did these girls screw up their educational lives, but their lives in general. the only influence they were under was just alcohol, and that was the reason for one of the girls being in a coma. once they were alright and the threat of them dying was no longer as strong, things got a lot better. some of the girls are still rather shaken up, but are alright for the most part.

Thank you all for your words, I really appreciated it.

Hannah

 

[redhotswami]

Sorry to be so blunt but your dean is an ass. You are a student, just like everyone else. You are not responsible nor accountable for your peers, the dean, the teachers, etc. are. That's what they are paid to do. You're paying to get your education.

Some things just aren't preventable. I worked in Residence Life for a year, so I know this. People will do stupid shit all the time. And usually it is through no fault of your own. People are responsible for their own personal choices.

Could you have reported your peer's drug use? Sure. Would that have stopped this from happening? Perhaps. Or perhaps not. Or perhaps she just would've found another way to get into trouble, who knows.

You not doing something doesn't completely turn someone else's path into a specific direction. I'm sure you weren't the only one who knew of the drug use anyway.

You're a great person, and probably a trusting friend. But also remember you're a student. Administrators are responsible for your education and well-being.

 

[flowerchildH]

"Sorry to be so blunt but your dean is an ass"



ummm....... we learned that a relly, really, long time ago. we tend to hate him. just a bit.

 

[Laura M]

Sorry to be so blunt but your dean is an ass. You are a student, just like everyone else. You are not responsible nor accountable for your peers, the dean, the teachers, etc. are. That's what they are paid to do. You're paying to get your education.

Exactly.

Teachers are trained (and paid) to be responsible, and care for, students.

Those girls and boys got themselves into that situation, it wasn't anyone else's fault. Certainly not yours.

 

[Galeongirl]

to me it sounds like they want to hush it up... doesn't make sense!
The teachers and other school people are always the ones responsible, NOT the students.

These things should be talked about, so other kids will realise how stupid it is and so this won't happen ever again.

 

[zuropa_fit]

Just read this. Glad everyone's okay. The boys should be taken out back and shot for leaving the girls alone. WHO DOES THAT?!?!?!!? And it's completely not your fault - I'm sure your dean was just trying to shift blame and allay his own guilt feelings - what a prick. Hopefully EVERYONE learned something from this. And, if you're beating yourself up over this, find someone to talk to, a counselor or something. Take care.

 

[JanuaryStar]

Nobody should be going through something like this, let alone feel responsible for it! You are NOT responsible for what happened, trust me. Like the others said, people at school are responsible for what happens with their students. Do not make it so hard on yourself... I know this is tough, especially since you are seen to be the more mature and responsible one. But this time it's not you who is responsible. Like zuropa said, if you are struggling too hard with this, you should try and find someone you can talk to. It won't be weak or anything, it only shows your strength for wanting and daring to talk about it. And it will help speed the process of coping with it all.

I can't believe those boys did this... I can get so mad when something like this happens... I hope your friend in coma will recover from it and wake up (both literally and figuratively speaking). Good luck through this, and you know what, I don't think praying will hurt, even though you don't believe. I actually think it might help

 

[Angela Harlem]

Don't let your Dean make you all feel responsible. Unico and Lara Mullen are right.

Good luck, Hannah. I hope the girls get through this.

 

[Marien]

Oh I have just read this, it is such a sad story, but believe us: you are NOT responsible, I'm a teacher and I can tell you that many times there aren't any responsible people but the ones involved in the incident. You can tell teenagers how bad drugs and alcoholic drinks are, show the results of their use and try to prevent any addiction, but eventually it is the person who takes the decision, you can't follow them everywhere, everytime, and it is the same for the parents.
I can't know if there has been any negligence on the part of the school, I suppose educational authorities will investigate it, but if they were out of the school and nobody put a gun or any other arm to make them drink, I think these girls have a large portion of responsibility alongside with the adult who gave/sold the drinks and the authorities who are in charge of inforcing the laws.
You are a school mate, maybe a bit older than them, so you can help them get used to the school, with some subjects and so on, but you can't take responsibility for anyone, even if you knew something, at your age you can't cope with this kind of situations and your dean must know it.
I think it should be a good idea to talk about this with someone you have confidence in, but I wouldn't choose anyone from the school at the moment, you say you don't believe, so a priest doesn't seem a good idea either, what about someone in you family: your mum, grandma or a young auntie?
I'm just horrified at the boys' behaviour, see how young people can be really bad, youth is not synonymous of good, there's no excuse for what they did.

 

[Kiki]

I read this a few days ago and wanted to wait till I cleared my own head of a few things before I responded.

yes I agree your Dean is pretty jerky and out of line. I can somewhat understand both sides, your side of course, more so. I know what he may have been meaning was that if anyone knew that something was going on, of course an authority figure is going to say "Why didn't you tell one of the teachers or myself about it?" but he needs to realize how un-realistic that is for anyone to do, especially in a highschool.

Honestly, he knows he doesnt have the information that's going on behind closed doors and stuff outside the classroom and he's trying to pin it on you as the students. That's his problem and he knows it. The parents will be sure that the blame goes to the right place----the heads of the school.

And because it's a boarding school, you have to have some sort of adult supervision in the buildings, 24/7, don't you? I mean.....you're all not over 18, so by law doesnt there have to be an adult around or something, especially if it's a boarding school?

I'm sorry this happend, but you shouldn't be beating yourself up at all. The girls made their own decisions and its unfortunate, but you're not their parents either.

 

[flowerchildH]

We've had Honor Court, which I'm a part of, sessions for the past 2 days and 2 days ago made a official reccomendation to the Dean on the girl's punishments. We gave the give with the broken ribs 1 week suspension and dorm/room confinement for 2 weeks and expelled the other girl. We also made a strong recommendation for her family to consider a year long rehabilitation program. It's been kind of awkward lately. After we made the decision to expel the one girl, we all felt really weird about it. She came in front of us for questioning and was so pitiful. She was pale and still in the clothes the hospital had given her. She was crying the entire time and at one point couldn't control herself enough to even talk. We found out later that the entire time she had been in the coma was touch-and-go with her grandparents, her guardians, flying in under the impression that it was highly likely that she wouldn't come out of it. The whole situation is so absurd that we really had and still have no idea of mhat to make of it.

This is entire week has been hell around here, with the whole incident occurring this weekend and Honor Court hearings for the first 3 days of the week. Its been so draining. But, thankfully, everything is done and over with for now. We also questioned some other girls that had been somewhat involved just to try to piece things together better. We have a feeling they had gotten their stories synchronized with each others, but theres really nothing we could do about that.

But like I said, the girls are fine, just really shaken up and are on their way to both physical and emotional recovery.

And I didn't pray. Just sent good thoughts their way. Thank you all for your words of kindness and wisdom.

 

[zuropa_fit]

Glad to hear you're all on the road to recovery. Time to move on, hopefully, having learned something.

 

[Angela Harlem]

What the hell kind of school is this, where students make recommendations on punishments, and one of those is expulsion?? Your school is hardly breeding good character building where equal status students decide on the academic future of a fellow student based on a mistake which is human nature related.

No wonder you felt weird, dude. It's called a conscience. Yours is the strangest story I've ever read on here. Which country are you in? I'm not meaning to attack you personally, either, it's just your school and its practices. You didn't invent the Lord of the Flies-esque court martialling for this girl to be interrogated in.

 

[Hinder]

Why? These girls have to live with the disruptive persons. They'd damn well /better/ have some input as to whether they should continue to have to put up with disruptive students. The Administration doesn't /have/ to go with their recommendations; sometimes the thought that, "Oops, my peers do not think I'm cool!" is far more effective than an adult raining a lecture down on them.

 

[flowerchildH]

The thing with Honor Court is that the student receiving the punishment are more likely to think about it if it comes from their peers. Most of the girls have serious issues and the 2 involved were a good examle of that. Trust me, the school comes off just as bad as it is. Quite glad I have less than 4 months until graduation! I came to this school to gt a better, individualized education, and unfortunatly due to time constrates, was the only boarding school that I looked at. Living here now, and going through all of this crap makes me realize the issues that really are threatening my school, the well-being of it's students, and it's reputation (which was already rather shitty). Mind you this is a boarding school in the United States, but not one of the good British-esque one in the North.

There are 13 of us on Honor Court, and during the hearings, I felt as if I was the only one that care at al of the well being of these girls after they return/leave the school permanently. Some of my friends and I were discussing it last night, because it seems as if the girls on Honor Court are on it only for the power to decide punishment, which really upsets me. Especially since the administration doesn't see that side of it.

 

[Popmartijn]

The thing with Honor Court is that the student receiving the punishment are more likely to think about it if it comes from their peers.

[...] it seems as if the girls on Honor Court are on it only for the power to decide punishment, which really upsets me. Especially since the administration doesn't see that side of it.

I think these two quotes explain why some in this thread have a problem with such a 'Honour Court' system. It's not about trying to help people who went (way) out of line to get back on the right track (and think about their actions). It's about having the power (and abusing it) to punish others.

 

[Marien]

I've never heard about this kind of Honor Court, and I'm very interested, as I told you I'm a teacher and I research different models in secondary school, so I will make you some questions and if you feel like answering them, I'll be very grateful (never mind if you rather not do it):

Do only students take part in it or are there teachers and/or parents involved as well?
Is your dean bound to follow their decisions?
Are their decisions definitive or can they appeal to any other estament?
Are students assisted by their parents or any other adult representative during the hearing?
Can an underage student be expelled from school definitely or does he have to be changed to a different school?
Is this a wide spread system in the US?

If you prefer to send me an email, let me know. Thank you. Anyone who wants to tell me about this is welcomed too.