We need some new Holidays...

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Night & Day

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Out with the old boring Holiday shite.

Create and submit your own and give a brief description why I should consider it for a National Holiday.
(Yes, I have that kind of power.)



I'll start:

Sept. 6
National Mame all Idiot Drivers Day.

By the power invested BY me, I declare anyone driving inconsiderably to others,(discretion of accuser) can and will be maimed, in any way shape or form seen fit.

No real explanation needed.
 
Out with the old boring Holiday shite.

Create and submit your own and give a brief description why I should consider it for a National Holiday.
(Yes, I have that kind of power.)



I'll start:

Sept. 6
National Mame all Idiot Drivers Day.

By the power invested BY me, I declare anyone driving inconsiderably to others,(discretion of accuser) can and will be maimed, in any way shape or form seen fit.

No real explanation needed.

I'd be on board with that! The comedian Gallagher used to have a bit about we should be able to shoot arrows at the cars of idiot drivers--the arrows would stick to the cars with such a strong glue that they couldn't be removed. When a certain number of arrows accumulated on a car, it would be taken away from the driver, and the driver would lose his/her license forever. So I think he'd be down with this, too! :D
 
September 13. Stevie K. Day.

We all get to wear paisley, smoke pot, and sing Church songs. Works for me. :)
 
I'd be on board with that! The comedian Gallagher used to have a bit about we should be able to shoot arrows at the cars of idiot drivers--the arrows would stick to the cars with such a strong glue that they couldn't be removed. When a certain number of arrows accumulated on a car, it would be taken away from the driver, and the driver would lose his/her license forever. So I think he'd be down with this, too! :D
:up: i remember that bit. if only we could do that!
 
I think that on your birthday, you should be legally permitted to kill an enemy.

You have to submit paperwork no later than one month prior to your birthday to a government agency that determines the validity of the enemy claim. If the claim is approved, the enemy in question is notified one day before the birthday that they can be legally killed on the day in question. So, they can flee, but, the government agency is required to report all monetary transactions on the day in question to the the person celebrating the birthday. If they buy a plane ticket, check into a hotel, etc, their location will be known. Smart people will use cash only and maybe stick to fleeing by car, but you never know. Smarter people will use surveillance on their enemy prior to their birthday, and track them.

That might not be a holiday, per se, so, how's this:

Attack Canada Day. Every May 25th, the US attacks a province in Canada. That province is determined by an on-line vote of all US Citizens 2 months before the attack.

That sounds less than festive.

How about stab Uberbeaver day? M I RITE?!?!?! No? Yes??? Oh, you said no again, sorry.

Um.

I don't know.
 
I think that on your birthday, you should be legally permitted to kill an enemy.

You have to submit paperwork no later than one month prior to your birthday to a government agency that determines the validity of the enemy claim. If the claim is approved, the enemy in question is notified one day before the birthday that they can be legally killed on the day in question. So, they can flee, but, the government agency is required to report all monetary transactions on the day in question to the the person celebrating the birthday. If they buy a plane ticket, check into a hotel, etc, their location will be known. Smart people will use cash only and maybe stick to fleeing by car, but you never know. Smarter people will use surveillance on their enemy prior to their birthday, and track them.

You've given this a lot of thought, haven't you?
 
I did. I was referring to your avatar, and my own capacity to tolerate change.

I decided to attribute your anti-Canadian sentiments to your usual blowhard American self, and move on. :)

Americans know no other way.

And forgive me for being dense re: Avatar change. The signature remains, at least.
 
Americans know no other way.

And forgive me for being dense re: Avatar change. The signature remains, at least.

'tis true.

Forgiven.

Speaking of signatures, only one person has commented on mine. ONE PERSON! That one person has attained a very high ranking on my infinitely cool list, but I have to say, I'm a little disappointed in the rest of you. Tsk, tsk.
 
VP, I've been meaning to ask you for weeks what your sig is from, I just never got around to it.
 
festivus-795671.jpg
 
I think that on your birthday, you should be legally permitted to kill an enemy.

You have to submit paperwork no later than one month prior to your birthday to a government agency that determines the validity of the enemy claim. If the claim is approved, the enemy in question is notified one day before the birthday that they can be legally killed on the day in question. So, they can flee, but, the government agency is required to report all monetary transactions on the day in question to the the person celebrating the birthday. If they buy a plane ticket, check into a hotel, etc, their location will be known. Smart people will use cash only and maybe stick to fleeing by car, but you never know. Smarter people will use surveillance on their enemy prior to their birthday, and track them.

I fully support this holiday. However, I think until you turn 18 you cannot use any sort of surveillance, wiretapping, ATM / Bank info, etc. Only your skills and senses. That is how boys become men.


I went to a "baby naming" today. I'd never heard of one of those, so I asked the mother - who was raised Catholic - if it was some king of English custom, as the father is from England, and maybe they didn't want to go the whole baptism route. She said his religion was Humanist, and I said, "Oh, like George Costanza." She kinda gave me this look like, "I never thought of that....and now I feel really stupid..." but she laughed after a second and all was good.* Until I totally pulled out my rapier and murdered all the English people in retribution for 2000 years of rape, murder and thievery upon my Scottish brethren. Then shit got weird for a few minutes. It's all good now though.


















* Everything to the left of the asterisk = true story.
 
I fully support this holiday. However, I think until you turn 18 you cannot use any sort of surveillance, wiretapping, ATM / Bank info, etc. Only your skills and senses. That is how boys become men.

I can't really argue with that. This begs the question, though, of when are you old enough to be allowed to kill an enemy on your birthday?

Until I totally pulled out my rapier and murdered all the English people in retribution for 2000 years of rape, murder and thievery upon my Scottish brethren. Then shit got weird for a few minutes. It's all good now though.

You got all William Wallace up in that bitch. Good for you. Sack York next.
 
I can't really argue with that. This begs the question, though, of when are you old enough to be allowed to kill an enemy on your birthday?

It's a birthright. I'm just saying that for the first 18 years you need to do it without technology. At 18 you can then go fucking Jason Bourne on your enemies, but until then, you do it old school style. You question friends ad neighbors, get in your enemies head, find out where he'll be next, and you get there first.
 
It's a birthright. I'm just saying that for the first 18 years you need to do it without technology. At 18 you can then go fucking Jason Bourne on your enemies, but until then, you do it old school style. You question friends ad neighbors, get in your enemies head, find out where he'll be next, and you get there first.

So you think it's ok to have an 8 year old kill an enemy? Maybe this all starts at age 16 or something? I'm totally down with the no technology thing, as I said, but, just not sure this whole murder an enemy thing is cool for kids.
 
So you think it's ok to have an 8 year old kill an enemy? Maybe this all starts at age 16 or something? I'm totally down with the no technology thing, as I said, but, just not sure this whole murder an enemy thing is cool for kids.

Forgive him, he cannot help but think of this in terms of bar mitzvahs and "coming of age" things like that.
 
I'll start:

Sept. 6
National Mame all Idiot Drivers Day.

Whew! I made it through the day.

How about World Soup Day? We would all eat nothing but that all day, in recognition of its vast nutrients and flavour. Soup is also highly symbolic...every bowl is different and unique. Each of us would be linked by a rich tapestry of liquid, taste, and colour...if only for a day.
 
Forgive him, he cannot help but think of this in terms of bar mitzvahs and "coming of age" things like that.

Pretty much. If an eight year old can 1.) have an enemy. 2.)swear vengeance upon said enemy, 3.) track, outwit and defeat said enemy, then we're not talking about some stupid whiny 8 year old. We're talking about a Warrior, man.
 
Pretty much. If an eight year old can 1.) have an enemy. 2.)swear vengeance upon said enemy, 3.) track, outwit and defeat said enemy, then we're not talking about some stupid whiny 8 year old. We're talking about a Warrior, man.

Don't forget filing the paperwork two months ahead of time. I mean, if these 8 year olds are meeting deadlines? Fuck, not only should they be allowed to kill an enemy, someone should give this eight year old a job.
 
I say we make tomorrow Crazy Train Day. What you would do is find the nuttiest person you know, or hire a private detective to track them down, and put them on a train, preferably run by the Australian Transit Authority, and derail that son of a bitch. While it's being derailed, the titular Ozzy Osbourne song would be played. It's a win-win, guys.
 
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