Update on the 'U2 stigmatic' story

[financeguy]

According to ancient Irish lore, Bono's birth was foretold by a swallow and heralded by a glorious double rainbow and the appearance of a new star. His official biography says he was born on Sliabh Ludicrous, the highest mountain peak in Erin. Legend has it that the trail to the top of the mountain is made entirely out of photocopies of artist tax exemption returns.

 

[ouizy]

 

[Zoomerang96]

that's our bono.

 

[financeguy]

Bono regularly spends Ireland's budget on terrorism, rockets and nuclear development programmes when his people desperately need food.

He is often pictured surveying his troops or visiting factories and farms, usually wearing one of his trademark looks: a beige jacket and wrap around sunglasses, or blue pyjamas and wrap around sunglasses, or a khaki safari suit, almost always teamed with oversized wrap around sunglasses, indoors and out.

 

[Mrs. Garrison]

wait a minute...

 

[financeguy]

New U2 album sessions described as 'fraught'

A Principle Management insider has revealed that Mr McGuinness, disappointed that NLOTH sales have so far failed to meet the 10 million target, has ordered that work on the new album 'moves up a gear, and pronto'.

Outside the band's Windmill Lane studios, dozens of fans are reported to be keeping vigil. One described hearing raised voices on several occasions throughout the day. Said the fan: 'It's hard to hear exactly what's been said, though at one point we thought we heard someone bellowing: "PLAY THE NOTE, ADAM. JUST PLAY THE FUCKING NOTE".

Shortly before lunch time, a CD of 'Passengers - Original Soundtracks Vol I' stage was hurled from a top floor window and crashed into smithereens on the ground below, according to another onlooker.

Later, near dusk, journalist and long term U2 associate Neil McCormick was seen exiting from the compound, 'looking pale and shaken' according to yet another observer.

Mr McCormick quickly hailed a passing taxi, and declined to speak to waiting fans.

 

[corianderstem]

"PLAY THE NOTE, ADAM. JUST PLAY THE FUCKING NOTE".

Shortly before lunch time, a CD of 'Passengers - Original Soundtracks Vol I' stage was hurled from a top floor window and crashed into smithereens on the ground below, according to another onlooker.

 

[indra]

Sounds as if everything is going well.

 

[financeguy]

^ Indeed, sounds like a normal U2 session.

I don't know what these so-called 'onlookers' are on about, I mean who are these 'onlookers' anyway, they sound a bunch of malcontents, haven't they anything better to do??

 

[Kieran McConville]

I have my doubts about the veracity of this story. I was led to understand that Neil McCormack was thrown from the roof of the Clarence Hotel in 2005 for screwing up the U2 autobiography.

And where's Larry in all of this? Still no word from insiders on his reported capture by Tamil Tigers, as a soldier of fortune?

 

[adypole]

That's funny.

 

[VintagePunk]

And where's Larry in all of this? Still no word from insiders on his reported capture by Tamil Tigers, as a soldier of fortune?

My guess is that he escaped, and he's the hurler of Passengers OS1.

 

[Mrs. Garrison]

Guys, this is a bunch of crap. I mean there could be some truth to it but im not holding my breath.

I think it's time to put this story to bed

 

[zooropop40]

NO!!!! I dont care what they think those mainstream teens should hear, its getting in the way of U2's experimentalism! Forget the sales and just make some great music. and throwing OS1 away was the last thing they should have done, they need to replay that album and bring back some of that experimental flare to their work. Do not turn back U2, dont care what people think, play great music- and people will listen.

That is assuming all of this is true, which I am not sure it is. I sure hope not.

 

[The Disciple]

Brilliant!!!!!

 

[financeguy]

Adam, Bono minister to congregation

In other news, U2 bassist and ladies' man Adam Clayton is said to be 'resting comfortably' at Bethesda Naval Hospital after receiving a bite from his pet cheetah. The wound is not thought to serious and was inflicted accidentally when Adam was trying to teach the creature how to smoke a hookah pipe. All day long, a queue of supermodels streamed into the private ward to be ministered to by the renowned Cassanova pay their respects.

Bono sent his best wishes but has thus far been unable to visit his bandmate at the hospital, as the charismatic singer has been performing his own form of ministry at an open air three day prayer breakfast organised by the Plymouth Brethren Glasnevin Branch, and reportedly attended by tens of thousands of Dubliners from all walks of life.

 

[kingofsorrow]

 

[redhotswami]

Did the cheetah ever learn how to smoke the hookah?

 

[financeguy]

Ach, I just realised this is an old story. What happened was I going through my inbox seeing if there were any interesting titbits from my Principle Management contacts that you guys might be interested in, but I seem to have gone too far back. Me and technology, what can I say!! Turns out this e-mail was dated 13/2/93 - the height of the ZOOTV madness. So, I guess Adam must have made a full recovery, so that's something to celebrate anyway!

Apologies on that, guys, I do pride myself on the accuracy of my research.

 

[financeguy]

Did the cheetah ever learn how to smoke the hookah?

Yes. Yes it did, actually.

 

[Sicy]

Please keep your 'U2 stories' to one thread, thanks.

 

[Mrs. Garrison]

 

[financeguy]

 

[Mrs. Garrison]

 

[Kieran McConville]

please keep your humourous reactions in the one thread, k guys?

and while I'm at it, can Sicy make a point of also addressing the out of control Wagner discussions around here lately? Just the single thread would be best probably.

 

[Mrs. Garrison]

Kieran, i see where you are going with this, and im not amused.

We can either get these threads back on topic or im going to close them.

 

[Sicy]

and while I'm at it, can Sicy make a point of also addressing the out of control Wagner discussions around here lately? Just the single thread would be best probably.

I dont even know what this means.

 

[financeguy]

 

[Mrs. Garrison]

Um, we already have a big hug thread

 

[Cactus Annie]

What's going on?