Principle Management PLC announce acquisition of Coldplay, Travis, and Oasis - U2 Feedback

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Old 05-14-2009, 12:56 AM   #1
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Principle Management PLC announce acquisition of Coldplay, Travis, and Oasis

Principle Management PLC announce acquisition of Coldplay, Travis, and Oasis

Conglomerate to amalgamate new assets with U2


By Ted Connors

In an effort to capture more market share in the music industry, Principle Management PLC announced today the acquistion of three British rock bands.

Coldplay, Travis, Oasis and their respective employees will now fall under the corporate umbrella of Principle Management as the Irish-based conglomerate looks for new ways to make a profit from the fledgling music industry. Chairman Paul McGuinness was visibly enthusiastic about the corporation's purchases, and gave a hint as to what Principle will do with their new properties.

"As the music industry continues to face new hardships, we've decided that purchasing the three bands and then amalgamating them with U2 to create a new enriched blend of people's favourites will entice new sales," McGuiness said at Principle's unveiling. "With this new collective, the sky's the limit."

Tempering the good news came word that redundancies would be in order, something which could even take effect as soon as next month.

"As with any amalgamation, especially when combining four highly specialised units like we're about to do, redundancies are part of the equation," an expressionless McGuiness said, as he read from his carefully prepared statement. "It's too early to get into numbers, but at this point we're thinking anywhere between 10 - 20 per cent of the labour force of the combined group will be given their walking papers.

"But the projected profits from this amalgamation and ensuing redundancy package are staggering to say the least," he added. "Anyone let go from the organisations of Coldplay, U2, Travis, or Oasis will be given every opportunity in the future to re-apply for various positions within the new company organism as they present themselves."

Sources close to Principle's upper hierachy suggest that openings for additional file clerks, personal assistants and sales consultants could be made available within 12 months after the redundancy package takes effect.
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Old 05-14-2009, 01:51 AM   #2
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Why dont you go post this in Kieran's thread. It's all the same crap.

Your threads fail these days deathbear.. I miss the old days when you actually used to tell funny stories. What happened.
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Old 05-14-2009, 09:17 AM   #3
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Don't merge his stories in my thread, cause it's my thread, it's got my name on it and not his. Create a separate thread for Zoomerang96 related U2 news stories if need be.

In the meantime can I just say how awesome it's going to be to have four mega bands merged into one. I wonder who will be culled to make the final lineup. As it happens I cannot even name one member from Travis, so it ain't looking good for them... why did McGuinness buy Travis anyway?
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Old 05-14-2009, 09:18 AM   #4
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Also, I have to ask... did McGuinness use the word 'synergy' at any stage during his unveiling of this exciting new development?
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Old 05-14-2009, 10:09 AM   #5
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Travis
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Old 05-14-2009, 05:03 PM   #6
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Can we MERGE all of the birthday threads into one?
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Old 05-14-2009, 05:05 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kieran McConville View Post
Don't merge his stories in my thread, cause it's my thread, it's got my name on it and not his. Create a separate thread for Zoomerang96 related U2 news stories if need be.
your thread died because i gave it the kiss of death, which means i posted in it.

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Old 05-14-2009, 05:26 PM   #8
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Over/under on how long it takes Noel to assassinate Chris Martin? I say 12 days.
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Old 05-14-2009, 05:33 PM   #9
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if Chris Martin was singing falsetto, and i kicked him in the balls, i wonder what would happen.
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Old 05-14-2009, 06:28 PM   #10
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nothing. He has no balls.
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Old 05-14-2009, 08:01 PM   #11
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nothing. He has no balls.
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Old 05-15-2009, 01:33 PM   #12
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Over/under on how long it takes Noel to assassinate Chris Martin? I say 12 days.
No, Liam is the one who dislikes Chris
The edge, larry and noel would be drunk 24/7
Bono and Chris trying to save the world
Fran and Liam start their own clothing range
Andy, Gem and Neil Primrose (travis drummer) and the other 3 in coldplay, well, they can form another band as all the focus will be on the others
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Old 05-15-2009, 10:04 PM   #13
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Old 05-19-2009, 10:40 PM   #14
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In the shadow ... Noel gets stabbed.
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