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Principle Management PLC announce acquisition of Coldplay, Travis, and Oasis
Conglomerate to amalgamate new assets with U2
By Ted Connors
In an effort to capture more market share in the music industry, Principle Management PLC announced today the acquistion of three British rock bands.
Coldplay, Travis, Oasis and their respective employees will now fall under the corporate umbrella of Principle Management as the Irish-based conglomerate looks for new ways to make a profit from the fledgling music industry. Chairman Paul McGuinness was visibly enthusiastic about the corporation's purchases, and gave a hint as to what Principle will do with their new properties.
"As the music industry continues to face new hardships, we've decided that purchasing the three bands and then amalgamating them with U2 to create a new enriched blend of people's favourites will entice new sales," McGuiness said at Principle's unveiling. "With this new collective, the sky's the limit."
Tempering the good news came word that redundancies would be in order, something which could even take effect as soon as next month.
"As with any amalgamation, especially when combining four highly specialised units like we're about to do, redundancies are part of the equation," an expressionless McGuiness said, as he read from his carefully prepared statement. "It's too early to get into numbers, but at this point we're thinking anywhere between 10 - 20 per cent of the labour force of the combined group will be given their walking papers.
"But the projected profits from this amalgamation and ensuing redundancy package are staggering to say the least," he added. "Anyone let go from the organisations of Coldplay, U2, Travis, or Oasis will be given every opportunity in the future to re-apply for various positions within the new company organism as they present themselves."
Sources close to Principle's upper hierachy suggest that openings for additional file clerks, personal assistants and sales consultants could be made available within 12 months after the redundancy package takes effect.
Conglomerate to amalgamate new assets with U2
By Ted Connors
In an effort to capture more market share in the music industry, Principle Management PLC announced today the acquistion of three British rock bands.
Coldplay, Travis, Oasis and their respective employees will now fall under the corporate umbrella of Principle Management as the Irish-based conglomerate looks for new ways to make a profit from the fledgling music industry. Chairman Paul McGuinness was visibly enthusiastic about the corporation's purchases, and gave a hint as to what Principle will do with their new properties.
"As the music industry continues to face new hardships, we've decided that purchasing the three bands and then amalgamating them with U2 to create a new enriched blend of people's favourites will entice new sales," McGuiness said at Principle's unveiling. "With this new collective, the sky's the limit."
Tempering the good news came word that redundancies would be in order, something which could even take effect as soon as next month.
"As with any amalgamation, especially when combining four highly specialised units like we're about to do, redundancies are part of the equation," an expressionless McGuiness said, as he read from his carefully prepared statement. "It's too early to get into numbers, but at this point we're thinking anywhere between 10 - 20 per cent of the labour force of the combined group will be given their walking papers.
"But the projected profits from this amalgamation and ensuing redundancy package are staggering to say the least," he added. "Anyone let go from the organisations of Coldplay, U2, Travis, or Oasis will be given every opportunity in the future to re-apply for various positions within the new company organism as they present themselves."
Sources close to Principle's upper hierachy suggest that openings for additional file clerks, personal assistants and sales consultants could be made available within 12 months after the redundancy package takes effect.
