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Old 09-08-2009, 11:49 PM   #1
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Lance's Mom-inspired art: stick it in here

This thread is a place to post all Lance's Mom related materials....be they songs about her, written by her, photos reminiscent of her, haikus inspired by her, etc.

Also, this can be used as a place for any cockified songs not directly associated with Lance's Mom.

Have at it.
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Old 09-08-2009, 11:54 PM   #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lazarus View Post
Well, in order to keep the Remasters thread from getting too out of control:


I'M ONLY HOOKING

When I get off early in the morning
shake my head, I'm still jawing
when I'm in the middle of a ream
grab the bed, then I scream

Please don't choke me, no
just poke me
leave cash on the bed
I'm only hooking

Everybody seems to think I'm cracked out
I just like to get my rack out
screwing everyone at such a speed
'til they finish, I will feed

Just eight bucks a lay
that's all you pay
and after all
I'm only hooking

Keeping my legs in the air for a guy that's on me
taking his time
lying there and staring at the ceiling
waiting for a seeping feeling

Just eight bucks a lay
that's all they pay
and after all
I'm only hooking
.
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Old 09-08-2009, 11:57 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lazarus View Post

ONE DAY IN THE LIFE (OF A WHORE)

I tricked three jews tonight, no goys
the tip they left was under ten percent
and though the jews were rather small
well, I just couldn't laugh
one took a photograph
I blew his balls out in a crouch
He didn't notice that my knees were strained
A lot of of people paid to stare
They'd sprayed my face before
Nobody was really sure why they were in a house of whores

I made a film today, with toys
A trojan army had just run my sores
a cameraman just rolled away
he didn't want to look
but I just had to hook
I'm paid to turn you on

Called up, got on the bed
dragged a cock across my head
Found more johns downstairs to fill my cup
and looking up I noticed little Lance
Filled my throat and grabbed my ass
Made 'em cum in seconds flat
Found two more upstairs and had a poke
Started to choke and they went into a ream
Ahh!

I've got the blues today, no joy
Four thousand whores working in Florida
And though the whores sure love to ball
They have to pay them all
Now they know how many whores it takes to work Daytona Mall
I'm paid to turn you on...
.
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Old 09-09-2009, 12:02 AM   #4
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There were a few gems on Lance's Mother's Homely Tarts Club Band:

"Fucking a Hole"
"Getting Wetter"
"When I'm Sixty-Nined"
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Old 09-09-2009, 12:03 AM   #5
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"Lucky I Hit You in the Eye with My Diamonds"
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Old 09-09-2009, 12:21 AM   #6
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As flattered as my mother and I are by this, something tells me this might not work out. The most successful Lance's Mom rants and discussions seems to grow organically from other topics throughout the forum and tie into other things. I'm not sure how a dedicated thread for just this stuff is going to do here.

But I'd be happy to see a success of course.
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Old 09-09-2009, 12:22 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lancemc View Post
As flattered as my mother and I are by this, something tells me this might not work out. The most successful Lance's Mom rants and discussions seems to grow organically from other topics throughout the forum and tie into other things. I'm not sure how a dedicated thread for just this stuff is going to do here.

But I'd be happy to see a success of course.
It probably won't, but, it's worth a try.

Agreed on the organic nature of things, but when we start posting song lyrics in the Beatles thread, we've lost our way a bit.
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Old 09-09-2009, 12:29 AM   #8
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LANCE'S MOTHER'S HOMELY TARTS CLUB BAND

It was thirty years ago today
Lance's Mother taught the whoring way
Of cock, we've taken each a mile
On the bed or on the bathroom tile
So may I introduce to you
The girls who want to take your spear
Lance's Mother's Homely Tarts Club Band

We're Lance's Mother's Homely Tarts Club Band
We hope you're looking for a ho
We're Lance's Mother's Homely Tarts Club Band
Sit back and let the ladies blow
Lance's Mother's Homely, Lance's Mother's Homely
Lance's Mother's Homely Tarts Club Band

It's wonderful to serve you
We guarantee a thrill
You're such a horny clientele
We'd like to tame your bone, oh yes
We'd love to tame your bone

I don't really like to do peep shows
I prefer to take it down below
And the madam's hit the line-up gong
So I put on my clear heels and thong
So let me introduce to you
A lineup of our finest rears
It's Lance's Mother's Homely Tarts Club Band
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Old 09-09-2009, 12:30 AM   #9
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"A lineup of our finest rears"

Nice.
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Old 09-09-2009, 12:44 AM   #10
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Penny Per Lane is a bit of a cheapie.
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Old 09-09-2009, 01:04 AM   #11
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Does Golden Slumbers even need any modification?
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Old 09-09-2009, 01:07 AM   #12
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It's "Golden Showers."

"We Can Jerk It Off," "I've Got a Fisting," and "Across the Pooniverse" are essentials, too.
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Old 09-09-2009, 01:29 AM   #13
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ElGHT SPRAYS A WEEK

Ooh I need release, babe
Lest my balls go blue
Hope you give relief, babe
And enjoy the goo
Hold me, rub me, hold me, rub me.
I ain't got nothin' but spunk, babe
Eight sprays a week

Must come every day, girl
Always need a grind
One bum I can slay, girl
Fuck you all the time
Hold me, rub me, hold me, rub me.
I ain't got nothin' but spunk, babe
Eight sprays a week

Eight sprays a week
I'd love to
Eight sprays a week
I promise not to hit your hair

Ooh I need release, babe
Lest my balls go blue
Hope you give relief, babe
And enjoy the goo
Hold me, rub me, hold me, rub me.
I ain't got nothin' but spunk, babe
Eight sprays a week

Eight sprays a week
I'd love to
Eight sprays a week
I promise not to hit your hair

Must come every day, girl
Always need a grind
One bum I can slay, girl
Fuck you all the time
Hold me, rub me, hold me, rub me.
I ain't got nothin' but spunk, babe
Eight sprays a week
Eight sprays a week
Eight sprays a week
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Old 09-09-2009, 02:06 AM   #14
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I'M A LUBER

I'm a luber
I'm a luber
So I'm not too dry to earn my fee

Of all the johns I have made pay the cost
There's one salad I should never have tossed
He was a trick who was willing to spend
I should have known he would take long to end

I'm a luber
And I cost from five to ten fifty
I'm a luber
So I'm not too dry to earn my fee

Although I work and I act like a whore
Beneath this skirt I am not yet too sore
My spermicide squeezed out from its clear tube
Is it for him or myself that I lube

I'm a luber
And I cost from five to ten fifty
I'm a luber
So I'm not too dry to earn my fee

It's what I've done to make this feel so great
I used a ton, gone for three hours straight
And so it's true, if you want to get balled
I'm telling you that the lube's a good call

I'm a luber
And I cost from five to ten fifty
I'm a luber
So I'm not too dry to earn my fee
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Old 09-09-2009, 07:22 AM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by impy13 View Post
"When I'm Sixty-Nined"
I unashamedly laughed.
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