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Old 09-17-2009, 08:31 PM   #121
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Originally Posted by impy13 View Post
I thought of Pam more as a fellow brothel denizen, a colleague, if you will. It's for the best that Lance's Mom never has an actual name. She's like the Bride, but without the Kiddo revelation.
This I can get behind.

I've been laughing for a solid 5 minutes listening to the medley. Holy shit. "Carry That Weight" must be a tough nut to crack though. I don't even think you can change the title.
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Old 09-17-2009, 08:46 PM   #122
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FAIL. Can't believe I forgot to include it.

HAIRY FAT TAINT

Girl, you've got a hairy fat taint
Hairy fat taint neath thong line
Girl, you've got a hairy fat taint
Hairy fat taint neath thong line

I never TF'd her pillows
I won't succumb to that foul temptation
And thought enjoying all the sensations
I make frowns

Girl, you've got a hairy fat taint
Hairy fat taint neath thong line
Girl, you've got a hairy fat taint
Hairy fat taint neath thong line

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Old 09-18-2009, 01:14 PM   #123
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YES!!

"Hairy fat taint 'neath thong line"

Score.
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Old 09-18-2009, 04:30 PM   #124
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Originally Posted by impy13 View Post
It's the moment you've all been waiting for...

THE CRABBY LOAD MEDLEY




YOU HAVE TO GIVE HER YOUR MONEY

You have to give her your money
She won't take food stamps, just legal tender
And after finishing negotiations
She takes one

I wanted to give her lumber
I asked if she'd had inoculation
And in the middle of the copulation
She faked one

In the brothel, money spent
Sleeps in same bed, pays no rent
All the money's stacked, that haggard ho
Lots of slobber on your sack
Trashy tattoo on her back
Smelly whorey show, that haggard ho
But oh, that tragic peeling, that haggard ho
Oh, that tragic peeling
That haggard ho
That haggard ho!

One sweet cream
Put on the bag and give her pale ass a ream
Soon you'll drive away again
Step on the gas and Tide that stain away
One sweet cream came through... today
Came through... today
Came through... today...yes it did
One two three four five six seven
These girls cost less than eleven

SPUNK KING

Here comes the spunk king
Here comes the spunk king
Everybody's staph-ing
Everybody's clappy
Here comes the spunk king

(orgasm noise gibberish)


PEEN BLISTER CUSTARD

Peen blister custard seeps in the dark
Leaves such a mark, feels like sandpaper
Leaks from a hole in the bone
Dripping down your personal zone
Hurts like a big kidney stone
Such a mean old gland
Such a mean old gland

His mother Pam works at a broth'
She never stops, she's a head-wetter
Takes it out to look at the ween'
There's one place that it's never been
Always squirts out some kind of cream
On her dirty old ass
Such a dirty old ass


PROPHYLACTIC PAM

Well you should see Prophylactic Pam
She's not good-looking but she'll do any man
Well you should see her in bed putting a glove on your head
Yes you should see Prophylactic Pam
Yeah yeah yeah

Get a dose of her with crack pipe and pills
She's spiller-filler when she's cocked to the hilt
She's the kind of a girl that fucks the Jews of the world
And they would say she's economically built
Yeah yeah yeah


SHE CAME ONTO THE BATHROOM WINDOW

She came onto the bathroom window
Protected by a saran sheen
And when she squirts it runs asunder
By the bowl of an old latrine

Couldn't anybody smell her?
Wouldn't anybody flee?
Sunday's john delayed to Monday
Tuesday's john comes in at three

She said she used to be a stripper
She charged a five spot for a dance
And since she pulls down many zippers
She don't know who fathered her Lance

And so I left my sad apartment
And bought myself a cheap blow job
And when she tried her best to please me
She just squealed when I shot my wad

Couldn't anybody smell her?
Wouldn't anybody flee?
Sunday's john delayed to Monday
Tuesday's john comes in at three
Oh yeah.


GOLDEN SHOWERS

Once there was a way to get back whorin'
Once there was a way to get that bone
Paid by the john so you won't cry
and Lance will get his lullaby

Golden showers fill your eyes
Towels are there so you can dry
Paid by the john so you don't cry
and Lance will get his lullaby


THE REAR END

Oh yeah, alright
Are you gonna get in my jeans tonight?

And in the end
The cash you take is equal to the love you make


























































HER VAJESTY

Her vagesty's a pretty nice slot and it doesn't cost a lot to play
Her vagesty's a pretty nice slot but it gets railed every day
I wanna plow her but I'm hearing a lot that soliciting prostitutes is a crime
Her vagesty's a pretty nice slot
Someday I'm gonna feel that slime, oh yeah
Someday I'm gonna feel that slime




©Lazzon/ImpCartney
Brilliant.
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Old 09-18-2009, 04:34 PM   #125
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Actually, not to rain on the parade, but there's no Lance's mom rendition of Carry That Weight? It kinda fucks up the flow when you skip that song.
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Old 09-18-2009, 05:00 PM   #126
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I think you could leave those lyrics alone and it would still work though
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Old 09-18-2009, 05:08 PM   #127
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I WANNA FUCK LANCE'S MOM'S ASS

oh yea i
tell you something
i think you'll understand
when i
say that something
i wanna fuck your assssssssssssss
i wanna fuck your aaaaaaass
i wanna fuck your ass

oh please, say to me
and let me stick your bum
and please, say to me
you'll let me fuck your assssssss
you'll let me fuck your aaaaaass
i wanna fuck your ass

and when i fuck you i feel happy... inside
it's such a feeling that my wang
i can't hide, i can't hide, i can't hide

yea you, got that something
i think you'll understand
when i, say that something
i wanna fuck your asssssssssss
i wanna fuck your aaaaaaaass
i wanna fuck your ass

and when i fuck you i feel happy... inside
it's such a feeling that my love,
i can't hide
i can't hide
i can't hide

yea you, got that something
i think you'll understand
when i, feel that something
i wanna fuck your ass
i wanna fuck your ahh ahahhahass
i wanna fuck your ass

i wanna fuck your ahhhhhhhhhss
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Old 09-18-2009, 05:14 PM   #128
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Wow, didn't see any of that coming.

That song used to lack power, and now everything just changed.
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Old 09-18-2009, 05:22 PM   #129
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MY MORNING WOOD (THIS WHORE HAS FLOWN)

i once had a whore
or should i say
she once had me

i showed her my cock
isn't it good
my morning wood

she asked me to cum and she told me to shoot anywhere
so i looked around and i shot it right into her hair

i sat on her face
biding my time
drinking her wine

we fucked until two
and then she said
how 'bout some head

she told me she'd take it and then she started to gag
i told her she couldn't, turned her over, and covered her head with a bag

and when i woke
i was alone
this whore had flown

so i rubbed one out
isn't it good
my morning wood
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Old 09-18-2009, 05:38 PM   #130
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Below is the only decent thing I have ever contributed to the Lance's Mom phenomenon:

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Old 09-18-2009, 07:23 PM   #131
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Headache scores points if only for the utter lack of finesse in his compositions.
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Old 09-18-2009, 07:25 PM   #132
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That's what I'm saying.

These songs just have a more aggressive tone to them.
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Old 09-18-2009, 07:25 PM   #133
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Actually, not to rain on the parade, but there's no Lance's mom rendition of Carry That Weight? It kinda fucks up the flow when you skip that song.
It's at the top of the page. By mistake I forgot to....ahem.... stick it in the medley.

Quote:
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Headache scores points if only for the utter lack of finesse in his compositions.
Hey, "My Morning Wood" was hilarious.

There's a real naughty limerick vibe to it, even if the meter isn't the same.
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Old 09-18-2009, 07:26 PM   #134
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Hey, "My Morning Wood" was hilarious.
Absolutely. Not what I meant to imply. They're great... just... very crude. In a good way.
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Old 09-18-2009, 09:32 PM   #135
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There's something to be said for them seeming a little more off the cuff than Laz and my fare. Visceral. Raw.
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