Lance's Mom-inspired art: stick it in here

[lazarus]

It's amazing sometimes how the words are so close to what you're looking for, you just have to change a few things (i.e. "listen to me", "fixing a hole in the ocean", etc).

Also, I was going to go with "raw hairy folds" instead of "strawberry folds". Change it?

 

[Jive Turkey]

I told you about the fetus and me, man
The one near-scraped out in surgery, man
Well here's another clue in advance
The fetus was Lance

This is the funniest thing I have ever read on interference. fucking good job

 

[Lancemc]

Also, I was going to go with "raw hairy folds" instead of "strawberry folds". Change it?

I prefer Strawberry folds to be honest.

 

[UberBeaver]

Pushing through the bent-back starfruit
To see if the other man fits
Rubbing on an ass bunion

I told you about the fetus and me, man
The one near-scraped out in surgery, man
Well here's another clue in advance
The fetus was Lance
Holding on the cast iron bedframe, yeah
Just a mom trying to make ends meet, yeah
Rubbing on an ass bunion

Dear God, that's fucking hysterical.

 

[lazarus]

Glad everyone's enjoying it so much.

I think this might be...

 

[Imperor]

Wrong scene, you horse's ass.

 

[lazarus]

I couldn't find the other one!!




You're next, Herr Hipster.

 

[Lancemc]

You're getting pret-ty good at that.

 

[GirlsAloudFan]

Once we're in enemy territory, as a bushwhackin' guerrilla army, we're gonna be doin' one thing and one thing only... killin' Hipsters. Each and every man under my command owes me one hundred Hipster scalps. And I want my scalps! And all y'all will git me one hundred Hipster scalps, taken from the heads of one hundred dead Hipsters. Or you will die tryin'.

 

[lazarus]

Another prime cut from The Whore Album:


LANCEY LAGOON

Now somewhere near the crap shopping malls of Daytona
There lived a young boy named Lancy Lagoon
And one day his mother went down on some horny guy
Sprayed young Lancey in the eye, Lancey didnt like that
He said I'm gonna get that john
So one day he walked into town
Got him some massage at the Asian spa

Lancey Lagoon checked into his room
Only to find Dalton's dildo
His mom had planned, equipped with her can
To fuck all the men in Orlando
Her madame it seems had broken her dreams
By stealing her johns at the brothel
She applied vagisil and swallowed her pill
And everyone knew her as Ethel

Now she and her john who had a hard-on
Were in the next room at the gangbang
Lancy burst in and grinning a grin
He said "Ethel, bitch, I want some poontang"
But Ethel was hot - she showed him her twat
And Lancey jerked off in the corner

Now his mother came in dripping with sin
And proceeded to spread on the mattress
She said "Lancey you ran a batch"
And Lancey said, "mom I saw my first snatch
And I'll do more, I'll do more if someone helps me undress"

Now Lancey Lagoon he fell back in his room
Only to find Dalton's dildo
Dalton checked out and he left it no doubt
To mess up good Lancey's new hairdo

 

[Imperor]

You are on a fucking roll.

 

[LMP]

Lancey Lagoon checked into his room
Only to find Dalton's dildo
His mom had planned, equipped with her can
To fuck all the men in Orlando
Her madame it seems had broken her dreams
By stealing her johns at the brothel
She applied vagisil and swallowed her pill
And everyone knew her as Ethel

Now she and her john who had a hard-on
Were in the next room at the gangbang
Lancy burst in and grinning a grin
He said "Ethel, bitch, I want some poontang"
But Ethel was hot - she showed him her twat
And Lancey jerked off in the corner

1. Cut a hole in a box
2. Love that it's inexplicably in my homeland
3. Thinking about Paul breaking into the little piano romp after the last line I quoted... oh my God.

 

[lazarus]

1. Done
2. It fit better than Tampa, or wherever the fuck he's from
3. I know, I was going to add the "do do do do do do do do..." at the break

 

[LMP]

 

[lazarus]

THE BALLAD OF MOM & COCK

Sitting on a cock in Southampton,
Trying to work in Holland or France
The man in my crack said, "Flip on your back"
You know I didn't even get off my pants

Lance you know it ain't easy,
You know how hard they can be
The way guys are boning
They're going to sterilize me

Anally paid the plane into Paris,
Prostituting down by the Seine
Dalton called to say,
For $10.58
Will you get rear-ended with a ball gag near Spain?

Lance you know it ain't easy,
You know how hard they can be
The way guys are boning
They're going to sterilize me

Drove from Paris by an Amsterdam hard-on,
Screwing in their beds for the dough
The jew patrons said, "Say what you doing in bed?"
I said, "I'm only trying to buy my son clothes"

Lance you know it ain't easy,
You know how hard they can be
The way guys are boning
They're going to sterilize me

Shaving up your cunny for a randy day,
Filling all your various cavities
Last night the son said,
"Oh mom, when you're dead
I won't have nothing from you
But this head---scrape!"

Made a lightning trick in Vienna,
where they covered my head with a bag
The jew patrons said, "She's not bad at head,
But looks just like a hippo in drag"

Lance you know it ain't easy
You know how hard they can be
The way guys are boning
They're going to sterilize me.

Caught an herpes train back in London
Fifty sores appeared on my back
The men from the press said, "With fisting success,
It's good to have your mouth on the sack".

Lance you know it ain't easy
You know how hard they can be
The way guys are boning
They're going to sterilize me
The way guys are boning
They're going to sterilize me

 

[Lancemc]

Anally paid the plane into Paris,
Prostituting down by the Seine
Dalton called to say,
For $10.58
Will you get rear-ended with a ball gag near Spain?

Lance you know it ain't easy,
You know how hard they can be
The way guys are boning
They're going to sterilize me

Drove from Paris by an Amsterdam hard-on,
Screwing in their beds for the dough
The jew patrons said, "Say what you doing in bed?"
I said, "I'm only trying to buy my son clothes"

bravo.

 

[Imperor]

 

[lazarus]

(thanks, Tourist)

 

[Imperor]

What fun!

I've been going to this Bingo hall with some friends recently. It's BYOB, so we figured there's no reason not to go. Not only are we always the youngest people in there, we're usually the only ones drinking. It's entirely too quiet and folks don't even get excited when they get a $750 bingo.

If and when I ever win, there's absolutely no way I'm not screaming "that's a BEEN-GO!"

 

[Lancemc]

BYOB = Bring Your Own Bingo?

 

[Imperor]

Bring Your Own Beverages-that-Lance-drank-plenty-of-and-still-didn't-muster-the-courage-to-get-his-dream-girl's-name

 

[Lancemc]

Why must thou twist the knife?

 

[Headache in a Suitcase]

stick it in here... HA! i just got that.

 

[lazarus]

Actually, you can pretty much stick it wherever you want to.

 

[LemonMelon]

Probably the most racist song parody I'll ever pen, but what the hell. I know that, sitting comfortably in a douchebag seat somewhere, NSW approves.

Chicago At Night

Now when NSW went to Chicago that night
He found a girl
Waking up with something on the side of her mouth
She'd just felt a pole
And at night she would always go down
He took out a very heavy wallet that night
Handed her a dime
Fell to the ground
It wasn't enough, not at all
But she was already halfway down

Now the whole city has a good vantage
Foreigners hooting in their first language

He blushed and slapped her across the face
Did she knew where she was?
She thought he was looking for a good time
But she was wrong
His idea of a good time was in his wallet
It's in his genes
She knew that it was all over that night
Picked his pocket
Took off and ran
He'd find her fast
With a tattoo like that on her ass

Now the whole city has a good vantage
Foreigners mocking in their first language

This is why he never comes to this side of town
Never comes to this side of town
Never comes to this side of town
Never comes to this side of town
Never comes to this side of town
Never comes to this side of town

 

[lazarus]

Considering the response to Your Jew Room, I don't think you need to worry about offending anyone.

Well done.

 

[Imperor]

Apparently Lance's Mom is coming to a town near you me.

 

[lazarus]

Nice.

They're gonna have to rename it the NBA Brown Star Game when she gets done with the players and fans.

 

[Imperor]

I inadvertently stumbled across a brothel this weekend. This story is absolutely true. I've been meaning to share it, and this seemed like the best place.

So, yes. I've been to a brothel.

 

[phillyfan26]

Somehow I doubt the "inadvertent" implication here.

Are they like they sound in all the songs!?