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Old 09-13-2009, 03:54 AM   #76
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Bravo, sir.

Glad to have you among our ranks.

"Gaping red crater between her thi-i-i-ighs"

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Old 09-13-2009, 02:08 PM   #77
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The Whore Album, Side Four:

Prostitution 1 : Hairy Pie : Semen Shuffle : Pry Baby Pry : Prostitution 9 : Wood Night

and the session outtakes:

Twat Guilty : Who's The New Merry John? : Spunk
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Old 09-14-2009, 12:43 AM   #78
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The Beatoffs were clearly inspired by their encounter with Lance's Mom during what Lance's Momologists call her "South of the Border" era:

FUCK A PONY

I fuck a pony
Well it can desecrate any hole it wants
Well it can desecrate any hole it wants
I screw a farm hog
Well it can penetrate any desperate ho
Yes it can penetrate any desperate ho

I told you so, I could fuck a zoo
Tijuana is the place to see a donkey screw
Because

I prick a pet dog
Well it can procreate in a Juarez bar
Yes it can procreate in a Juarez bar
I cause a boney
Well you can masturbate while you watch the show
Yes you can masturbate while you watch the show

I told you so, I could fuck a zoo
Tijuana is the place to see a donkey screw
Because

I take a steer's load
No you cannot relate to a thing you see
Yes you cannot relate to a thing you see
I'm feeling whorey
Well I can stimulate till the rooster crows
Yes I can stimulate till the rooster crows

I told you so, I could fuck a zoo
Tijuana is the place to see a donkey screw
Because
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Old 09-14-2009, 01:16 AM   #79
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I was reading about Christopher Cross' "Sailing" and little did I know that the song was originally written as an ode to Lance's Mom: Cross' version of how he assumed she saw her life.

Whoring

It's not far down to Hunt's Point
At least it's not for me
And if the john is right you can whore away
And fuck for money
The vulva can do miracles
Just you wait and see
Solicit me

It's not far to the VD clinic
No reason to protect
And if the trick is right you can rob him blind
And cut him if he objects
The vulva can do miracles
Just you wait and see
Solicit me


Whoring
Takes me away
To where I've always been the real me
I never dream that anyone will marry me;
I refuse to fuck for free


Fantasy
It gets the best of me
When I'm role playing
All caught up in the cuckoldry
Every safe word is never uttered by me
I have Hepatitis-B


It's not far back to the brothel
At least it's not for me
And when the john is right you can whore away
And fuck for money
The vulva can do miracles
Just you wait and see
Solicit me
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Old 09-14-2009, 01:25 AM   #80
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The subtle nod to KNIFE CRIME in the second verse was particularly cockheartwrenching.
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Old 09-14-2009, 01:27 AM   #81
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Warms the cockles, if you will.
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Old 09-14-2009, 01:28 AM   #82
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I'm quite pleased with it, to be honest.....I just sang it in my head to the tune of "Sailing" and it's pretty moving.
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Old 09-14-2009, 01:33 AM   #83
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Really any time you can work the word "cuckold" into any sort of writing, you have to feel some sort of satisfaction.
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Old 09-14-2009, 01:42 AM   #84
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I just sang it in my head to the tune of "Sailing" and it's pretty moving.
This is the reason I still find all the Shuttlecock songs so funny. Go along with the music and hilarity ensues.
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Old 09-14-2009, 01:42 AM   #85
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Laz, this should be your new av.
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Old 09-14-2009, 01:46 AM   #86
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Originally Posted by impy13 View Post
This is the reason I still find all the Shuttlecock songs so funny. Go along with the music and hilarity ensues.
I yelled "Magnificock" tonight at the appropriate times.

And, Twilight is permanently ruined for me, though, I wrote that one (with help) so I am to blame.
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Old 09-14-2009, 01:48 AM   #87
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Well played. Probably for the best they're not playing "KNIFECRIME." You'd spontaneously combust.

If I think I'll be close enough, I'm stopping by Academy to grab some shuttlecocks to toss on the stage.

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Laz, this should be your new av.
Holy. Shit.
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Old 09-14-2009, 05:41 AM   #88
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Alright, I was laughing pretty loud whilst reading those last two composition, even if NSW's strayed from our current Beatoffs fixation. I'm looking forward to seeing the Mexico story continue with Everybody's Got Something To Ride Including Me And My Donkey.

I just had a fuckload of whiskey, and probably need to pass out. Wood Night. Everybody, everywhere...wood night.
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Old 09-14-2009, 01:11 PM   #89
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A HARD LAY'S NIGHT
Title track
I Should Have Blown Better
If I Smell
I'm Happy To Give Lance To You
And I Drove Her
Swell My Thigh
Men Buy My Love
Any Ream At All
I'll Try His Head
Toys We Used Today
When I Get 'holed
You Can Do That (For An Extra $5)
It'll Be Back (Herpes)
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Old 09-14-2009, 01:13 PM   #90
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Laz, I always try to stray from the path people are on, to add some variety.

Rock around the cock would be an example of that.
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