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Old 09-24-2009, 12:46 AM   #181
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Hey guys. There was only one way to follow up impy's Sterling avatar.
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Old 09-24-2009, 12:50 AM   #182
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It had to be done.

Now you get to rewrite "The Girl is Mine."

Will you go with "The Whore is Mine?" Maybe "The Girl is Swine?" Or will you go full Jackson and scribe "The Boy is Nine?"
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Old 09-24-2009, 12:51 AM   #183
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Spray, spray, spray...
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Old 09-24-2009, 06:30 AM   #184
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I love how you can't tell if Macca is just his usual cheesy self, or if Jacko actually just stuck a finger up his ass.

And YLB is right; it's from Say Say Say.
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Old 09-24-2009, 08:09 AM   #185
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[Paul]
I've heard it all before, Michael
She told me that I'm her Forever Lover, you know, don't you remember? (No)

[Michael]
Well, after loving me, she said she couldn't love another.

[Paul]
Is that what she said?

[Michael]
Yes, she said it, you keep dreaming.

[Paul]
I don't believe it... (no shit)
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Old 09-24-2009, 08:13 AM   #186
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Well, I got what I asked for, I guess.
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Old 09-24-2009, 06:16 PM   #187
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You're saying that my love ain't real... but look at this face this jizz ain't dryin'!
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Old 09-24-2009, 06:27 PM   #188
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YouTube - Clerks
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Old 09-24-2009, 08:17 PM   #189
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Perfect job for a guy who lives in a septic tank, I'd imagine.
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Old 09-25-2009, 03:09 AM   #190
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Being sick leads to being unable to do two things: sleep or go out. So while I'm wide awake and all my friends are at a boat party, my loss is your gain. Here are a few selections from Ass Blasters, Volume 2:

NIGHT WORKER

Down for some sleazin', for making the easy lay shout
Down for some sleazin', for making the easy lay shout now

She was a night worker, one lay peddler, yeah
It took her so long to dry out, and she dried out

She's a diseaser, she had the staph way down there
She's a diseaser, she had the staph way down there now

She was a night worker, one lay peddler, yeah
It took her so long to dry out, and she dried out

Tried to squeeze her, she said "no using your hands"
Tried to squeeze her, she said "no using your hands now"

She was a night worker, one lay peddler, yeah
It took her so long to dry out, and she dried out

Night worker
Night worker, yeah

Night worker
Night worker, yeah



LATEX BAG RIDER

Please ask the madam will she check the books
I worked for seven nights, will she take a look
Worked in the dim brothel for my whole career
Yes I needed cash, so I had to be a latex bag rider
Latex bag rider

It's the filthy glory of a squirting gland
'Cause a clingy wife cannot please a man
My son is working for a cheap hotel
It's a steady job but I make more as a latex bag rider
Latex bag rider

Latex bag rider

Made seventeen dollars give or take a few
I'll be making more in a night or two
I can take it longer if he lasts a while
I can make the rounds cause I love to be a latex bag rider
Latex bag rider

If you really like it I can wear my tights
It'll cost fifteen to have me overnight
If he wants to churn it, he can bend my rear
It's a piece of cake and that's why I am a latex bag rider
Latex bag rider

Latex bag rider





And from the all too brief period when Lance's Mom contemplated a different career path comes...

THE INNER THIGH

Without becoming a whore
I can know all types of girth
Without hooking out of a brothel
I could mow the plains of pubis

The harder one gargles
The less one blows
The less one really blows

Without becoming a whore
You can know all types of girth
Without hooking out of a brothel
You could mow the plains of pubis

The harder one gargles
The less one blows
The less one really blows

Sex drive without scabbing
Please all without hooking
Screw all without screwing
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Old 09-25-2009, 03:49 AM   #191
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LAY NUDE

Lay nude, down on the bed
Take some K-Y and make it wetter
Remember to put some into your ass
In case they put it in the shetter

Lay nude, you will get paid
You were made to be a sperm-getter
The minute you let them into your hole
Than you can start earning Lance's dinner

And anytime you feel the pain, lay nude, abstain
Don't carry two cocks between your buttocks
For well you know that's a john who puts it on
It's making his skin a little colder

Lay nude, don't spit it out
They have pounded you, now go and shower
Remember to scrub well over your taint
Then you can work for one more hour

So take it out and put it in, lay nude, begin
You're waiting for someone to perform on
And don't you know that for a screw, lay nude, you'll do
the movement you need is reverse cowgirl

lay nude, down on the bed
take a sad john and make him sweat more
remember to let him cream on your skin
then you'll begin to be the best whore
best whore best whore best whore ahhhhhhhhh!!

Mama mama mama mama mama ma, lay nude!
(repeat and fade)
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Old 09-25-2009, 03:52 AM   #192
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Those first two verses... Christ. Good stuff.
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Old 09-25-2009, 03:54 AM   #193
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Quote:
Originally Posted by impy13 View Post
She's a diseaser, she had the staph way down there
Almost...

Quote:
Originally Posted by impy13 View Post
It's the filthy glory of a squirting gland
Not quite there yet...

Quote:
Originally Posted by impy13 View Post
I could mow the plains of pubis
Yep, these are my writers.
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Old 09-25-2009, 11:31 PM   #194
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A tenderly seething song about then-new manager Allen Klein, and a great way to close out disc one of The Whore Album:

JEW LIAR

Most of what they say is dishonest
But they say it just to gyp you,
Jew liar

Jew liar, jew liar, maccabee, befalls me
So I sing a song of greed, jew liar
Jew liar, hooking nose, swarthy smile, tricks me
So I sing a song of greed, jew liar

His hand of golden coins is shimmering, glimmering
Killed the son

Jew liar, jew liar, haggle now, screw me
So I sing a song of greed, jew liar

When they cannot steal your dough
They still will take your clothes, jew liar

Jew liar, creeping hand, silent lift, rob me
So I sing a song of greed, jew liar
Bum bum bum...claws me
So I sing a song of greed for jew liar, jew liar, jew liar
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Old 09-26-2009, 02:19 AM   #195
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Not to endorse stereotypes, but nicely done.






Who am I kidding? I'm all about comical stereotyping.
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