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Old 08-15-2008, 06:38 PM   #1
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Joke Thread...

Hi everyone. Not sure if this is the right place to post this or even if there's already a thread going on this.

Just wondered if we could use a 'joke' thread for those who might be in need of a little laughter.

Allow me to begin:

>>>>
Two cannibals eating a clown. One says to the other

'Does this taste funny to you?'

.........

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and
the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one and let the other one off.

........

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.
They left a little note on the windscreen; it said 'Parking Fine.'

So that was nice.

............

A man walked into the doctors,
The doctor said 'I haven't seen you in a long time'
The man replied, 'I know I've been ill'

.......

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I
couldn't find any.

..........

Phone answering machine message -

'...If you want to buy marijuana.............press the hash key...'

.......

ok, going now....
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Old 08-15-2008, 07:31 PM   #2
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Why do they call 'em Cell Phones?











Cause there's more than one of them!



MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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Old 08-15-2008, 07:33 PM   #3
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How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
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Old 08-16-2008, 05:02 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GirlsAloudFan View Post
How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
Blondes don't change light bulbs--we get some poor sap guy to do it!
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Old 08-16-2008, 05:07 PM   #5
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I think there was a joke contest quite a while back perhaps time to revive such a thing?

Great Thread idea!
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And if U2 EVER did Hawkmoon live....and the version from the Lovetown Tour, my uterus would leave my body and fling itself at Bono - for realz.
Don't worry baby, it's gonna be all right. Uncertainty can be a guiding light...
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Old 08-16-2008, 05:40 PM   #6
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Ok OK I got one

One day, a bear and a rabbit were walking trough the forest... they heard a scream for help. They went looking, and found a teeny tiny little man stuck under a log. The bear lifted the log and the rabbit got the man out from under it.
"Thank you both" the man said, "I'm a very special leprechaun, and for saving me I shall grant both of you three wishes each!"
The bear and rabbit look at each other and smile, and the rabbit says the bear can go first.
"Ok", says mr Bear "My first wish is, I wish that all bears in this forest were female!"
The leprechaun turns to the rabbit "and what is your wish?"
"I wish for a helmet!" the rabbit says, dead pan.
The bear and leprechaun look at the rabbit questioningly, but the leprechaun grants their wishes anyway
"For my second wish, I wish that all the bears in forests all over this country were female!" The bear says with a wide grin!
"And what do you wish for rabbit?"
"I wish for the fastest motorcycle ever!"
The leprechaun grants the wishes, and tells them they each have one wish left. As with the others, the bear goes first:
"I wish that ALL bears ALL OVER THE WORLD, except me ofcourse, were female!"
"Your wish has been granted Bear!" The leprechaun says, "and what about you mr Rabbit?"
The rabbit puts on the helmet, sits on the motorcycle, starts it, and while revving says "I wish, that this bear here next to me, was gay" and speeds off.....
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Originally Posted by GraceRyan View Post
And if U2 EVER did Hawkmoon live....and the version from the Lovetown Tour, my uterus would leave my body and fling itself at Bono - for realz.
Don't worry baby, it's gonna be all right. Uncertainty can be a guiding light...
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Old 08-16-2008, 06:01 PM   #7
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Old 08-16-2008, 06:33 PM   #8
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Tom Waits said this one in concert:

Why are shrimp bad tippers?



Cause they're shellfish

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Old 08-17-2008, 03:56 AM   #9
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What do you call a black pilot?
























A pilot, what else would you call him?











Why did the plane crash?















Pilot was a loaf of bread
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Old 08-17-2008, 04:27 AM   #10
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Arkansas: It's A Wild Place

Why are there no fertility clinics in Arkansas?

They would just tell the women to try another brother.
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Old 08-17-2008, 04:30 AM   #11
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An Egyptian man is walking through the Cairo bazaar, when a stranger comes up to him and offers to sell Viagra (illegal in Egypt) for 100 Egyptian pounds.

"No, not worth it!"

"OK, how about 50 Egyptian pounds?"

"No, not worth it!"

"OK, 20?"
"No, not worth it!"

"How about 10?"
"No, not worth it!"

"Listen, these pills cost US $10 each. How can you say they are not worth it?"

"Oh, the pills ARE worth it. My wife is not worth it."



Lame I know
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Old 08-17-2008, 04:31 AM   #12
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Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?



Because he only comes once a year





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Old 08-17-2008, 11:22 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BonoFox1 View Post
Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?



Because he only comes once a year





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Old 08-17-2008, 11:23 AM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Galeongirl View Post
Ok OK I got one

One day, a bear and a rabbit were walking trough the forest... they heard a scream for help. They went looking, and found a teeny tiny little man stuck under a log. The bear lifted the log and the rabbit got the man out from under it.
"Thank you both" the man said, "I'm a very special leprechaun, and for saving me I shall grant both of you three wishes each!"
The bear and rabbit look at each other and smile, and the rabbit says the bear can go first.
"Ok", says mr Bear "My first wish is, I wish that all bears in this forest were female!"
The leprechaun turns to the rabbit "and what is your wish?"
"I wish for a helmet!" the rabbit says, dead pan.
The bear and leprechaun look at the rabbit questioningly, but the leprechaun grants their wishes anyway
"For my second wish, I wish that all the bears in forests all over this country were female!" The bear says with a wide grin!
"And what do you wish for rabbit?"
"I wish for the fastest motorcycle ever!"
The leprechaun grants the wishes, and tells them they each have one wish left. As with the others, the bear goes first:
"I wish that ALL bears ALL OVER THE WORLD, except me ofcourse, were female!"
"Your wish has been granted Bear!" The leprechaun says, "and what about you mr Rabbit?"
The rabbit puts on the helmet, sits on the motorcycle, starts it, and while revving says "I wish, that this bear here next to me, was gay" and speeds off.....
Haha, I love this one too!
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Old 08-17-2008, 01:54 PM   #15
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Courtesy of Rodney Dangerfield:

A man approaches a prostitute and says "how much for oral sex?"....the prostitute says "50 dollars." ....the man says "50 dollars??? My wife will do it for 25."

Drive safely!
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