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Old 07-05-2009, 11:10 PM   #46
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Ok I have a funny one from school earlier this year that I just remembered. I was tipping the teacher's podium at the front of the class while talking to my friend. I was going over some thoughts whilst doing this. Two words crossed my mind at the same time as I spoke (funny and suck) and said "wouldn't this fuck if it fell over?" I covered my mouth instantly and the room got quiet. Also did I mention I go to a Christian school? Anyway I got real lucky because the teacher was at the back of the room with another student and didn't hear a word I said. It was quite the embarrassing moment. Any others?
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Old 07-05-2009, 11:19 PM   #47
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Wait...I just thought of another. When I was 6 I walked over to look at something and was returning to my dad to ask him something. I step up and say "hey dad, can I get so and so?" I look up to realize a man looking straight at me with the craziest look on his face. It wasn't my dad! Insanely embarrassing!
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Old 07-22-2009, 07:41 PM   #48
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Old 07-22-2009, 09:43 PM   #49
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When I was drunk last Friday I texted someone claiming to really really like them.



Cringe.
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Old 07-22-2009, 10:05 PM   #50
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The time I had an argument with my 8th gr teacher about the difference between orgasm and organism!
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Old 07-22-2009, 11:25 PM   #51
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I didn't say this, but did think it....and immediately smacked myself for being a dolt, but here you go:

Was on a train a few weeks ago from Madrid to Barcelona, listening to my Ipod, getting ready to see U2 in a few days, taking in the scenery, just in a very good place mentally......and at one point, I thought to myself, "Wow, there are a lot of Spanish-style homes here". Well, that might be due to the fact that I'M IN FUCKING SPAIN.

Idiot.
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Old 07-22-2009, 11:29 PM   #52
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Old 07-22-2009, 11:48 PM   #53
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you poked him in the eye with a fish!
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Old 07-22-2009, 11:49 PM   #54
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I deserved it. Why? Cos I was in FUCKING SPAIN.
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Old 07-22-2009, 11:50 PM   #55
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Bravo, NSW.
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Old 07-23-2009, 04:16 AM   #56
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So back in college, I had this teacher. For some reason I used to save the dumbest, most idiotic things just for him. I think once it started it became one of those subconscious things, like where you stuff something up once and you're likely to repeat it. Anyway, once, this was the days of things still fitting on floppy discs, I asked him if I could use his, yes, floppy dick.

This may or may not have been after the time I said of the other teacher who used to help out, "Oh, Mr Polyestre Shirt Guy? And that awful bloody ponytail... he's got to be over 50, for god's sake" I see the mouth try not to smirk, and he replies, "You mean Mr..., my father?" "Well of COURSE he's your father; because I said that, you know. Oh, for god's sake... I think I quit this life now"

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Old 07-23-2009, 11:41 PM   #57
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My brother broke something and I needed to fix it, the cap was stuck. Like an idiot, I put it in my mouth to wrench the bastard open and the tube jizzed superglue all over my lips and in muttering to myself, I glued my lips shut.

For the record, fingernail polish remover tastes awful.
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Old 07-24-2009, 02:00 AM   #58
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Old 07-24-2009, 08:57 AM   #59
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As I was the token Irish person at school, I got asked to explain "The Troubles in Northern Ireland" by my English teacher. Took a long time to live down my confusing Protestants with Prostitutes
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Old 07-25-2009, 12:08 AM   #60
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I just spent several weeks in Africa ... alone ... without my wife ... so by the end of my trip I started to get a little lonely and my texts to my wife became a little more descriptive regarding what was going to occur upon my return.

One of my finest 160 character scenarios was to take place in the shower and had all the right descriptors(?). It was hot.

Sadly, in my distracted state, I didn't notice that I sent it to my wife's best friend.
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