Funny and/or Embarrassing Things You've Said

[Mr. BAW]

I remember this story as if it were yesterday...I was all of 5 years old; my parents had taken the family to a popular Mexican restaurant in Wilmington, CA...BTW, this was WAY before there was a DOOZER...

Anyway, my mother ordered me a regular hamburger off the list of mexican dishes...naturally, my burger took the longest...my older brother and older sister and parents were eating...the waiter finally showed up and said, "here's you meal, next time, call ahead and we'll have you burger waiting for you..."

Even then, never at a loss for words, even then, I said, "I can't call you, my mom didn't pay the bill and our phone is disconnected!!!"

 

[Lila64]

 

[Lila64]

^

I used to think the song 'Dude Looks Like A Lady' by Aerosmith was 'Do It Like A Lady'. My mom still makes fun of me.....

 

[Bonogirl777]

The next day at work, he came by to tell me something and then said, "By the way...I got your message." He looked at me funny, gave a smirk and a little laugh, shook his head a bit, and walked away.

 

[Reggo]

This isn't something I said, except when I told my friends at work about it, but I tried to type in a number in Excel...on my phone's keypad. I got upset when nothing was typing and I couldn't figure out why, plus all that beeping was really annoying. My brain's not at work today.

 

[theedgeu2]

This isn't something I said, except when I told my friends at work about it, but I tried to type in a number in Excel...on my phone's keypad. I got upset when nothing was typing and I couldn't figure out why, plus all that beeping was really annoying. My brain's not at work today.

I can understand that. I do stuff like that all the time.

 

[DeadMansParty]

nothing I said but DMP walked into a pole at the mall when I was a teen while staring at a girl.

 

[MacHat]

The other day while watching tennis at work I said in fron of some colleagues "Andy Murray can kiss my butt, cos he sucks!", as soon as it came out of my mouth said workmates were giving me stick about it: "He can kiss your butt, because he sucks?" .

 

[DeadMansParty]

I admitted to a friend like last week that I watch " Hanna Montana"
My god, Im 31 years old but I think she is funny

 

[DeadMansParty]

I just drove thru In and out drive thru and I wasnt paying attention when I was ordering, I was riffling thru my cd's and when I ordered and I actually told the drive thru lady " can I get that to go"? < nerd

 

[vaz02]

I just drove thru In and out drive thru and I wasnt paying attention when I was ordering, I was riffling thru my cd's and when I ordered and I actually told the drive thru lady " can I get that to go"? < nerd

Hahaha thats gold.

 

[vjacqb]

Gotta be my sig. I was outside the Ed Sullivan Theater waiting for U2 to come out of their late night practice session after the Letterman show. Bono came out, started to work the crowd on my left. Then The Edge came out, worked the crowd on my right. The Edge looked exhausted, so he moved down the line much faster than Bono. He got in front of me, took my Sharpie and signed my NLOTH album. Then he proceeded to use my Sharpie to sign all the items shoved at him. In the meantime, Bono crossed his apth and started signing for the girl next to me. With no Sharpie in hand, I suddenly got a panic attack and thought Bono is just going to skip me completely because I didn't have a pen for him to use! So I yelled as loud as I could, trying to get Edge's attention. "Edge, can I have my Sharpie back, please?" and pointed to my marker. He looked at me funny, but he gave it back to me. When I saw his look, I felt kinda stupid... WTF was I doing?? This is THE EDGE... someone I will gladly give one of my kidneys to! And yet I couldn't spare my Sharpie for him... x1000

Bono ended up signing my album with my Sharpie, but I'm sure he would have signed it with some other pen if I hadn't had it...

 

[lauramullen]

I just drove thru In and out drive thru and I wasnt paying attention when I was ordering, I was riffling thru my cd's and when I ordered and I actually told the drive thru lady " can I get that to go"? < nerd

 

[lauramullen]

Gotta be my sig. I was outside the Ed Sullivan Theater waiting for U2 to come out of their late night practice session after the Letterman show. Bono came out, started to work the crowd on my left. Then The Edge came out, worked the crowd on my right. The Edge looked exhausted, so he moved down the line much faster than Bono. He got in front of me, took my Sharpie and signed my NLOTH album. Then he proceeded to use my Sharpie to sign all the items shoved at him. In the meantime, Bono crossed his apth and started signing for the girl next to me. With no Sharpie in hand, I suddenly got a panic attack and thought Bono is just going to skip me completely because I didn't have a pen for him to use! So I yelled as loud as I could, trying to get Edge's attention. "Edge, can I have my Sharpie back, please?" and pointed to my marker. He looked at me funny, but he gave it back to me. When I saw his look, I felt kinda stupid... WTF was I doing?? This is THE EDGE... someone I will gladly give one of my kidneys to! And yet I couldn't spare my Sharpie for him... x1000

Bono ended up signing my album with my Sharpie, but I'm sure he would have signed it with some other pen if I hadn't had it...

Was I there when that happened? I don't think I was because I would have remembered that

 

[vjacqb]

Was I there when that happened? I don't think I was because I would have remembered that

No, I think this was the only night that you weren't there, Laura. This was Tuesday night, I think? When they took their own sweet time practicing and didn't come out until after 9pm. You had to catch the train back because you had to work the next day or something like that.

I froze my toes off that night... but the wait was so worth it.

 

[theedgeu2]

Ok I have a funny one from school earlier this year that I just remembered. I was tipping the teacher's podium at the front of the class while talking to my friend. I was going over some thoughts whilst doing this. Two words crossed my mind at the same time as I spoke (funny and suck) and said "wouldn't this fuck if it fell over?" I covered my mouth instantly and the room got quiet. Also did I mention I go to a Christian school? Anyway I got real lucky because the teacher was at the back of the room with another student and didn't hear a word I said. It was quite the embarrassing moment. Any others?

 

[theedgeu2]

Wait...I just thought of another. When I was 6 I walked over to look at something and was returning to my dad to ask him something. I step up and say "hey dad, can I get so and so?" I look up to realize a man looking straight at me with the craziest look on his face. It wasn't my dad! Insanely embarrassing!

 

[theedgeu2]

 

[vaz02]

When I was drunk last Friday I texted someone claiming to really really like them.



Cringe.

 

[adamswildhoney]

The time I had an argument with my 8th gr teacher about the difference between orgasm and organism!

 

[No spoken words]

I didn't say this, but did think it....and immediately smacked myself for being a dolt, but here you go:

Was on a train a few weeks ago from Madrid to Barcelona, listening to my Ipod, getting ready to see U2 in a few days, taking in the scenery, just in a very good place mentally......and at one point, I thought to myself, "Wow, there are a lot of Spanish-style homes here". Well, that might be due to the fact that I'M IN FUCKING SPAIN.

Idiot.

 

[Lila64]

 

[redhotswami]

you poked him in the eye with a fish!

 

[No spoken words]

I deserved it. Why? Cos I was in FUCKING SPAIN.

 

[Reggo]

Bravo, NSW.

 

[Angela Harlem]

So back in college, I had this teacher. For some reason I used to save the dumbest, most idiotic things just for him. I think once it started it became one of those subconscious things, like where you stuff something up once and you're likely to repeat it. Anyway, once, this was the days of things still fitting on floppy discs, I asked him if I could use his, yes, floppy dick.

This may or may not have been after the time I said of the other teacher who used to help out, "Oh, Mr Polyestre Shirt Guy? And that awful bloody ponytail... he's got to be over 50, for god's sake" I see the mouth try not to smirk, and he replies, "You mean Mr..., my father?" "Well of COURSE he's your father; because I said that, you know. Oh, for god's sake... I think I quit this life now"

 

[Reggo]

My brother broke something and I needed to fix it, the cap was stuck. Like an idiot, I put it in my mouth to wrench the bastard open and the tube jizzed superglue all over my lips and in muttering to myself, I glued my lips shut.

For the record, fingernail polish remover tastes awful.

 

[BonosLil'Pal94]

 

[Tania]

As I was the token Irish person at school, I got asked to explain "The Troubles in Northern Ireland" by my English teacher. Took a long time to live down my confusing Protestants with Prostitutes

 

[Dalton]

I just spent several weeks in Africa ... alone ... without my wife ... so by the end of my trip I started to get a little lonely and my texts to my wife became a little more descriptive regarding what was going to occur upon my return.

One of my finest 160 character scenarios was to take place in the shower and had all the right descriptors(?). It was hot.

Sadly, in my distracted state, I didn't notice that I sent it to my wife's best friend.