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Old 02-04-2009, 04:47 AM   #31
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Certainly I can be precise, old sport.

In answer to your question, chum, it all has to do with how much tape I have on hand. You see, Sheila Hurtz will smoke three cigarettes at once, but she insists that I first affix them to her lower lip with tape. She further requires that I leave these three cigarettes unlit for four hours, during which time she makes her way down the street to the shops.

When Ms. Hurtz - my girlfriend - returns from the shops, I light the cigarettes and she smokes them. While she's taking drag after drag, I usually carefully pull one of the smokes from her lip, discarding the tape, and I smoke it.

We do this four times daily.

So, to answer your question, my good fellow, Sheila Hurtz and I together smoke approximately 168 - maybe 168.5 if we're being naughty - cigarettes per fortnight. Of course, none of this works if I don't have the tape.
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Old 02-04-2009, 06:20 AM   #32
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very well...
alun, one more question if i may... is there a particular reason as to why sheila hurtz (your girlfriend) does not enjoy the smooth taste of satisfaction only a marlboro cigarette or three can provide her whilst she strolls about the high street shopping areas? certainly in oxford street she'd set herself apart from the others, no?
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Old 02-04-2009, 08:43 AM   #33
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Alan is there any reason you prefer the dash in place of the more standard comma?
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Old 02-04-2009, 08:49 AM   #34
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all this ciggie talk reminds me of the - well smoking fetish thang I saw the other day, so now I wonder does Alan...hmm.
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Old 02-04-2009, 11:12 AM   #35
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My English girlfriend - her name is Sheila Hurtz - and I are exact opposites. We look so precious together.
oh for fucks sake Alan give it a rest.
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Old 02-04-2009, 12:31 PM   #36
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We're pretty much the same. Both of us are the youngest in our families, we don't have any brothers, we both share similar political/social views, have the same level of education, we like the same music, same TV shows, sports ( yeah I love football....I gotta have my Cowboys). He may tick me off sometime by messing around my CDs. I get so sick of INXS cd's being in an LTD cd case. I may tick him off sometime too because I ride out all of the gas in his car and never fill the tank back up. I can't help it, I just look too cute driving that baby.

The only noticeable difference between us is race. Other than that, we're pretty much the same.
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Old 02-04-2009, 12:36 PM   #37
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Alan is there any reason you prefer the dash in place of the more standard comma?
Well, you know the answer to that now, don't you. I'm rather dashing.
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Old 02-04-2009, 12:39 PM   #38
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*affixes seven Marlboros to each of MissVelvetDress_75's and mad1's lower lips.

*lights four of the seven

You two look rather smashing. Let's traipse on down to High Street. Do let's!
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Old 02-04-2009, 01:31 PM   #39
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very well...
alun, one more question if i may... is there a particular reason as to why sheila hurtz (your girlfriend) does not enjoy the smooth taste of satisfaction only a marlboro cigarette or three can provide her whilst she strolls about the high street shopping areas? certainly in oxford street she'd set herself apart from the others, no?
Yes, I do think you're quite right about that. But Sheila Hurtz is first and foremost a performance artist. She must, must, must inspire intellectual ruminations from those she passes by and from those that spy her from a distance. That's her purpose. That's why I love my dear Sheila Hurtz.

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Old 02-04-2009, 02:11 PM   #40
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LUCKY BUCKERS!

anyhow, Im curious

not nosey, curious.

and again if no-one answers this that is fine! I mean, usually I come out with more sh*te than a flock of birds after a massive feed, but anyway, the question is:


Your personalities - are you both very similar, or complete opposites?

thanks.

yea, thats it.



opposites.

<>
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Old 02-04-2009, 03:10 PM   #41
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Somewhat similar, yet a little bit different.
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Old 02-04-2009, 03:55 PM   #42
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Absolute opposites. He's not even a U2 fan.
Oh well!
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Old 02-04-2009, 05:52 PM   #43
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Somewhat similar, yet a little bit different.

Can't think of anything we clash on...


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Absolute opposites. He's not even a U2 fan.
Oh well!
I'm a U2 fan
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Old 02-04-2009, 05:55 PM   #44
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Old 02-04-2009, 05:55 PM   #45
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That was quick
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