Currently having a "Thrisis". Anybody ever had this? - U2 Feedback

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Old 09-25-2015, 12:40 AM   #1
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Currently having a "Thrisis". Anybody ever had this?

A Thrisis is somewhere between a Quarter-life Crisis and a Mid-Life Crisis. I'm 33, happily married, with 2 kids (2 & 4 years old). I want this to be clear, that the problem doesn't really lay with my family.

My 20s were a whirlwind that I just got swept up in. It's really quite a blur. All I know is I had a good time, had a lot of friends, at some point in that decade I made the transition from aimless post-high school loser to wild party animal to a husband and father with a successful career. I feel the party that was my 20s ended naturally, on it's own. Eventually going to bars and getting wasted every weekend was simply not fun anymore.

I went through the "hangover phase" after this period in my life a couple years ago. I don't really wish to recreate the glory days. It's just that my life is SO BORING now. I'm sitting here at 12:30am because I don't want to go to bed. Because if I go to bed, then before you know it I'll wake up and have to go to work. I don't hate my job, but I don't love it. My family has grown accustomed to a certain lifestyle, so I have to keep this up. But when I look ahead into the forseeable future, I don't really get excited about anything. All I see is work... lots and lots of work.

I don't really have the kind of job where I meet new people, and can socialize within my job. In fact, my only co-workers are my Brother, my Father and my elderly Grandfather. We have clients we work with, but sometimes with them the less they know about me the better! We've got their business, let's not rock the boat too much!

I have no real hobbies or interests anymore. My "interests" these days include sitting on the internet and watching TV. I used to play guitar in a band, that was my outlet. But the band broke up, and I don't really have the time to devote to a new band. I play guitar alone sometimes, but it's so boring by myself. I live in a small town, about 45 minutes away from Columbus and Dayton, which is where most of my friends have moved to. I still have a lot of friends, but it gets harder all the time make that drive just to "hang out for awhile". All my friends who are married with kids have the same situation as me... BUSY. All my friends who are single and have no kids just want to get drunk all the time, or go to bars to find girls... which I have no interest in doing. I recently went out to dinner with a friend, and he drove. He ended up pulling up to a strip club and was like "we're going in. Just for a bit!" I begrudgingly went in, and just spent the entire time being happy that I was happily married, and thinking that I am never letting this friend drive again.

I am fully aware that I need to seize these moments with my kids while they're young... and I do just that. I enjoy every moment with them, they're already growing up so fast. But there is just a part of me that needs an OUTLET, something in my life that isn't based in "responsibility", like raising children and working. I'm an extrovert who is living the life of an introvert. My wife is currently going to school to be a teacher (she's in her late 20s, a little younger than me, but many years wiser). She has a lot going on in her life, with her classes and a social life in both school and the salon where she works part time. I find myself envious of the diversity in her day to day life.

I've tried telling myself that this is just what happens in your 30s. But I don't think that's necessarily how it has to be. I feel like my mind has turned into mush, and I'm just sort of halfway there all the time. I'm not really a daydreamer, it's kind of the opposite... there are just fewer thoughts in my head in general. I've become Comfortably Numb... but that very notion makes me uncomfortable.

Anybody else ever experience similar situations? I guess this is cheaper than a shrink!
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Old 09-30-2015, 09:54 PM   #2
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If you still have a passion for music, go with that. Nowadays, you can be a one man band. Maybe write some songs or instrumentals and add some drum tracks or bass lines to them. People make plenty of videos of themselves creating music or experimenting on youtube. If you're an extrovert, then maybe create some amusing videos with various witticisms or observations on or about your life or life in general on youtube. I don't know. Those are just a few suggestions/thoughts. Hope it was helpful at least.
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Old 10-01-2015, 01:06 AM   #3
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Write! Maybe start with a journal of your feelings, then branch out from there.
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Old 10-05-2015, 11:35 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by The_acrobat View Post
A Thrisis is somewhere between a Quarter-life Crisis and a Mid-Life Crisis. I'm 33, happily married, with 2 kids (2 & 4 years old). I want this to be clear, that the problem doesn't really lay with my family.

My 20s were a whirlwind that I just got swept up in. It's really quite a blur. All I know is I had a good time, had a lot of friends, at some point in that decade I made the transition from aimless post-high school loser to wild party animal to a husband and father with a successful career. I feel the party that was my 20s ended naturally, on it's own. Eventually going to bars and getting wasted every weekend was simply not fun anymore.

I went through the "hangover phase" after this period in my life a couple years ago. I don't really wish to recreate the glory days. It's just that my life is SO BORING now. I'm sitting here at 12:30am because I don't want to go to bed. Because if I go to bed, then before you know it I'll wake up and have to go to work. I don't hate my job, but I don't love it. My family has grown accustomed to a certain lifestyle, so I have to keep this up. But when I look ahead into the forseeable future, I don't really get excited about anything. All I see is work... lots and lots of work.

I don't really have the kind of job where I meet new people, and can socialize within my job. In fact, my only co-workers are my Brother, my Father and my elderly Grandfather. We have clients we work with, but sometimes with them the less they know about me the better! We've got their business, let's not rock the boat too much!

I have no real hobbies or interests anymore. My "interests" these days include sitting on the internet and watching TV. I used to play guitar in a band, that was my outlet. But the band broke up, and I don't really have the time to devote to a new band. I play guitar alone sometimes, but it's so boring by myself. I live in a small town, about 45 minutes away from Columbus and Dayton, which is where most of my friends have moved to. I still have a lot of friends, but it gets harder all the time make that drive just to "hang out for awhile". All my friends who are married with kids have the same situation as me... BUSY. All my friends who are single and have no kids just want to get drunk all the time, or go to bars to find girls... which I have no interest in doing. I recently went out to dinner with a friend, and he drove. He ended up pulling up to a strip club and was like "we're going in. Just for a bit!" I begrudgingly went in, and just spent the entire time being happy that I was happily married, and thinking that I am never letting this friend drive again.

I am fully aware that I need to seize these moments with my kids while they're young... and I do just that. I enjoy every moment with them, they're already growing up so fast. But there is just a part of me that needs an OUTLET, something in my life that isn't based in "responsibility", like raising children and working. I'm an extrovert who is living the life of an introvert. My wife is currently going to school to be a teacher (she's in her late 20s, a little younger than me, but many years wiser). She has a lot going on in her life, with her classes and a social life in both school and the salon where she works part time. I find myself envious of the diversity in her day to day life.

I've tried telling myself that this is just what happens in your 30s. But I don't think that's necessarily how it has to be. I feel like my mind has turned into mush, and I'm just sort of halfway there all the time. I'm not really a daydreamer, it's kind of the opposite... there are just fewer thoughts in my head in general. I've become Comfortably Numb... but that very notion makes me uncomfortable.

Anybody else ever experience similar situations? I guess this is cheaper than a shrink!
Quit bitching.
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Old 10-08-2015, 11:48 AM   #5
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Quit bitching.
GAF, purposely being an ass wears thin after a while.
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Old 02-18-2016, 09:57 AM   #6
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I think it's a pretty common feeling.

Some thoughts:
  • Basics: before embarking on anything else, make sure that you've got the basics covered: 1) you sleep well; 2) you eat well; and 3) you exercise regularly. These three affect mood and life philosophy a lot.

  • Location: small towns can be very boring if they're not your thing; the smallness of it all, the mentality. Would it be possible for you to ponder a move? It sounds like you're not too far from larger centres, and I hear good things about Columbus. Once your wife gets her teaching license, you may be able to move farther, too (e.g. California? Maine? The US is so wide!)

  • Friends: who you hang out with--the mentality of the people--is important. Hanging out at strip clubs in your late 20s/30s? Come on, now. It sounds like you may benefit from meeting other people: have you tried signing up to a group (a hiking group? a Columbus Crew SC supporter group? a professional network?)? Being around people you respect and have fun with--as well as some people you even look up to--is very important. This is where location also plays a role; the number and type of people vary by area.

  • Project: having a project--something to look forward to, something to build--is important to happiness, in my view. Some of it can be through hobbies (learning how to compose music? learning a new language?), some of it can be through career (getting a new certification? taking over the family business?), some of it can be through lifestyle (having a 3-year plan to move to another state? becoming a yoga instructor on the side?) Projects are really important, because they get you excited about the future.

I've gone through similar thoughts, even in my 20s, and I didn't have half the responsibilities you have. But the idea of getting into a rut can be paralyzing and frustrating, so we seek balance. Hope this helps!
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Old 03-03-2016, 11:40 PM   #7
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I'm just on the verge of being 30, so I can't really offer much advice. After doing nothing for five years, I recently went back to school to take some business classes (which I should have done the first time around when I had a scholarship.) Going back to school has relieved the mental stagnation I've felt for the past few years; maybe taking some classes would be good for you, too, if you have the time for it.


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Old 04-08-2016, 03:59 PM   #8
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I usually don't get out to this forum and I'm glad I have. The advice dispensed has been very helpful. I've been considering big changes in my life because I'm not as happy as I was in my current career. The big problem for me is that any other job will need more schooling and to work full time and school part time I would never see my family. I struggle with motivation so online school is out. So right now I'm waiting for the right timing.


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