All of your 'Letters' to 'Elvis' here, guys - Page 3 - U2 Feedback

Go Back   U2 Feedback > Lypton Village > Lemonade Stand
Click Here to Login
Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
 
Old 12-04-2013, 09:56 PM   #31
Rock n' Roll Doggie
FOB
 
Kieran McConville's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Auto Dafoe
Posts: 9,600
Local Time: 08:39 PM
Bono Admits Entire Atomic Bomb Album Made During Coke Binge

"I guess you'd call it our red period," the Get On Your Boots hitmaker remarked.
__________________

__________________
Kieran McConville is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-05-2013, 08:38 PM   #32
Rock n' Roll Doggie
ALL ACCESS
 
Mrs. Garrison's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: pig farming in Bolivia
Posts: 7,219
Local Time: 04:39 AM
This thread reminds me of my time served in a Turkish prison bathhouse. Well actually it was in the dungeon, the bathhouse was for the govt. I spent that year shackled and chained to a giant furnace, my duty was to keep the thing going so the bathhouse would have warm water. I drank steam and ate paint chips, occasional live scorpions, and bat droppings.

When they were done bathing, the govt would come down to the dungeon and force me to wrestle giant pigs while they watched and took bets. The winner would get urinated on, the loser would be trampled over by a herd of gay elephants.

Upon release I was flown to Bangladesh and operated on at a charity hospital. They removed several bullets but forgot to sew me up. I was then shipped off to India where it was discovered I would need a full neck replacement. The govt installed a brand new neck, which allowed me to rotate my head 360 degrees at will. Now that's something....I enjoy. Scares the shit out of people behind you at sporting events. Though it does require routine maintenance. Once the bearings got stuck mid-swivel and my head was locked facing to the rear. This made for an interesting traffic stop when I drove myself to the hospital...in reverse.

Now everything seems to be functioning properly. A few titanium rods in place and im like brand new. Its a bitch though when cold weather moves in, its also tough to get through airport security. Of course the aluminum plate in my head has the same effect on the TSA. At least I get to look forward to a full body cavity search whenever I enter an airport. Almost makes up for the time our plane crashed into a snowy mountain and I was stranded for six weeks and forced to eat several of the passengers and crewmembers.
__________________

__________________
Mrs. Garrison is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-05-2013, 10:56 PM   #33
Rock n' Roll Doggie
FOB
 
Kieran McConville's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Auto Dafoe
Posts: 9,600
Local Time: 08:39 PM
McGuinness Denies Mandela Song Hastened Freedom Fighter's Passing

"No, I would say not," the enigmatic svengali murmured while sipping brandy and fondling himself in a sunken lounge.
__________________
Kieran McConville is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-06-2013, 11:17 AM   #34
Rock n' Roll Doggie
ALL ACCESS
 
Mrs. Garrison's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: pig farming in Bolivia
Posts: 7,219
Local Time: 04:39 AM
Ahh McGuinness...

You know you're time has come....one ought to know.....when they've spent the last many days in the trophy room of their castle. Sipping brandy and staring at the heads of their opponents on display.

When there is no adversary left to kill, sure boredom would only dictate that one should set themselves on fire to see if they would indeed burn.

I woke up alone in my secluded fortress tucked into the hillside of a remote and dormant place. A foot of snow surrounded this place, where not even the tigers dare to roam. I surveyed my compound floor by empty floor, until I came upon the servants quarters and discovered the lifeless bodies of the help lying in a pool of dried blood, throats slashed and abdomens gutted.

Running out of spirits and medicinals is one thing, as one can always drink cough syrup and snort dried cocoa powder. A food shortage presents an entirely different problem, however. I haven't seen the forest bears for months and one can only eat so many cans of expired tuna.

I had been saving the proverbial last bullet for myself for instances like these. However it occurred to me I would get more satisfaction out of the event if I drew it out, long and full of suffering and agony. What can I say... I've always been one who favors torture over a quick kill?
__________________
Mrs. Garrison is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-29-2014, 07:51 PM   #35
Rock n' Roll Doggie
ALL ACCESS
 
Mrs. Garrison's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: pig farming in Bolivia
Posts: 7,219
Local Time: 04:39 AM
Dear e|vis

i went to the zoo today. It was fun. Did you know they have a lot of animals at the zoo? Monkeys like to shit in their hand and eat it to make the other monkeys jea|ous.

I was like, don't do that, Yo!

Funny the most e|usive of all cats in the wild was the one who was most curious of me. Poor snow leopard had to have been hot.



The tiger was pretty uptight, he kept pacing around and giving me dirty looks.



The turtle was eating wild mushrooms. He was totally high i could tell. Poor guy was so fucked he couldnt figure how to get his head back into his shell.

__________________
Mrs. Garrison is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-29-2014, 11:34 PM   #36
Rock n' Roll Doggie
FOB
 
Kieran McConville's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Auto Dafoe
Posts: 9,600
Local Time: 08:39 PM
Did you know that tortoises can live for over 200 years?
__________________
Kieran McConville is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-30-2014, 09:51 AM   #37
Rock n' Roll Doggie
ALL ACCESS
 
Mrs. Garrison's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: pig farming in Bolivia
Posts: 7,219
Local Time: 04:39 AM
living in a shell does have its advantages
__________________
Mrs. Garrison is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-30-2014, 07:50 PM   #38
Rock n' Roll Doggie
FOB
 
Kieran McConville's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Auto Dafoe
Posts: 9,600
Local Time: 08:39 PM
Yes it does.
__________________
Kieran McConville is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-31-2014, 04:10 AM   #39
Blue Crack Addict
 
liamcool's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: deep in absolutely bullshit historical theory/trauma theory
Posts: 16,695
Local Time: 08:39 PM
Elvis,

Q.

Liam.
__________________
liamcool is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-31-2014, 11:16 AM   #40
Rock n' Roll Doggie
ALL ACCESS
 
Mrs. Garrison's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: pig farming in Bolivia
Posts: 7,219
Local Time: 04:39 AM
unfortunately this poor tortoise didn't live to see 200...

__________________
Mrs. Garrison is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-31-2014, 08:46 PM   #41
Rock n' Roll Doggie
FOB
 
Kieran McConville's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Auto Dafoe
Posts: 9,600
Local Time: 08:39 PM
Hola i'm in a place called vertigo dead
__________________
Kieran McConville is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-04-2014, 05:05 AM   #42
Rock n' Roll Doggie
FOB
 
Kieran McConville's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Auto Dafoe
Posts: 9,600
Local Time: 08:39 PM
Dear Elvis,

When I turned 33, it was a very good year, for climbing down off crosses, for tooth flosses, and brokeback hosses. Now I'm in the autumn of my years, chilling with a few dozen beers, reading a catalogue from sears...

yo.
__________________
Kieran McConville is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-05-2014, 08:32 PM   #43
Rock n' Roll Doggie
ALL ACCESS
 
Mrs. Garrison's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: pig farming in Bolivia
Posts: 7,219
Local Time: 04:39 AM
Dear e|vis

which do you consider to be more fun of a danger to society, drunken dri\/ing or teXting while dri\/ing?

*sent from my smartphone while driving home insanely fast from extended happy hour
__________________
Mrs. Garrison is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-05-2014, 11:02 PM   #44
Rock n' Roll Doggie
FOB
 
Kieran McConville's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Auto Dafoe
Posts: 9,600
Local Time: 08:39 PM
- Sent from my maximum security padded cell
__________________
Kieran McConville is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-06-2014, 07:27 AM   #45
Rock n' Roll Doggie
ALL ACCESS
 
Mrs. Garrison's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: pig farming in Bolivia
Posts: 7,219
Local Time: 04:39 AM
?i swear i saw you in the Black Sea or the Kerch Straits very recently?
__________________

__________________
Mrs. Garrison is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 05:39 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Design, images and all things inclusive copyright © Interference.com