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Old 09-16-2011, 11:04 PM   #196
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the glory hole for useful idiots

We smoked and drank our product....think twice before you

I woke up this morning, still dreaming about planes falling out of the sky, and running through the countryside like a refugee trying to cross a mine-field. Ive had this dream before...the war heats up in the sky overhead and as the planes are shot down, they usually come within inches of us. Some of them turn upside down in the air and seem to float in their smoky haze of defeat. Usually when i have this dream i am asleep though, was a rare instance that it carried over into the waking hours....

We'd carried our crop to the edge of the bluffs when we heard it stirring in the distance. Every sound was funny....followed by picture frames in our minds that promised eternity through time warps and corridors hidden in the skies. The two-headed mountain lion growled at us with twice the fury we could imagine. All we could do was run into the fields. Our feet were slow movers, no weapons, only our own ambition. We could barely keep ahead of the beast...

Today i went to class to study some basic BS i already know well. It was good to be away from the office, despite the fact that my workload in the bunker is piling up without me. So as they went around the room and did introductions, i was horrified that the guy who sat front and center happened to be a crazy ex-marine whom i had cursed at over the phone 6 months ago. You think he remembered me, with a unique name like mine (as the instructor put it)? Maybe i wasn't so hard on him, actually i just told him to stop being such a pussy and grow a pair. He was a real piece of work...and he did glare at me throughout the day. I noticed at lunch he decided to park his sedan next to mine, and im the guy who always parks the farthest away from everyone and everything and has to walk a mile, even in the rain. He probably wanted to put one of those GPS thingy's on my car like Hank gave to Walt to put on Gustavo's Volvo....you know the one...when i wasn't looking.

Anyway the crazy ex-marine as it turns out also was the annoying know-it-all who just has to talk after, during every bit of instruction and compete for floor time with the instructor. Everyone else in the class would just roll their eyes...even the instructor was growing tired of his act. So finally at 15:15 she lets us go, and im approaching my car and guess who is practically breathing down my neck keeping pace with me? Yeah. So i turn around and say "hey" to him and he was actually cordial with me. But then he turned predictably creepy, and picks 15:17 hours today in the rain to tell me about the plate he has in his back and his head thanks to injuries received in Afghanistan. As if i really needed to know why he's suck a fucking nut. Well not to be outdone here, Marine Corp versus Army, i laugh and say "oh you got a metal plate? That's nothing, ive got a whole fucking platter up here (pointing to my head) and these were blown off in Gulf-1 (grabbing my balls) and the doc replaced them with ones made of steel"

He called me an asshole and hopped into his Maxima and sped off, meanwhile i waved him the one fingered victory salute and then hopped in my cruiser and took off in the other direction, planes still taking off and landing at the nearby flight-line.
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Old 09-17-2011, 12:22 AM   #197
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If you ask me, anyone that drives a Maxima deserves stabbing in the head with a pitchfork. Personally I wouldn't be seen near one, let alone in one.
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Old 09-17-2011, 10:51 AM   #198
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you always did have good taste in cars, Financeguy.
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Old 08-02-2013, 03:26 AM   #199
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All of 'Mrs' Garrison's stories go here, guys

Can we sticky this guys, mkay guys?

Can we get that in cornflower blue?
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Old 08-02-2013, 03:27 AM   #200
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Interference is going to implode now, good job, Kieran. All Inception-style and whatnot.
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Old 08-02-2013, 07:00 AM   #201
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I am Jack's complete lack of surprise.
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Old 08-02-2013, 10:31 AM   #202
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Хороший котенок знает достойного противника, когда он видит это.

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Old 08-02-2013, 04:45 PM   #203
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Что? Этот не расcказ.
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Old 08-02-2013, 05:10 PM   #204
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. Garrison View Post

Putin by staring contest
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Old 08-15-2013, 07:18 PM   #205
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So ive been noticing a lot of planes falling out of the sky lately, sometimes as I have dreamt, other times not so much. I still notice them. Im wondering if the cows and chickens are next?

If you see cows taking refuge in treetops please make a note of it and get back to me. If you see fish airborne, taking flight, etc., then we are probably fucked.
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Old 08-16-2013, 07:22 AM   #206
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I saw the four horsemen of the apocalypse, the greatest minds of their generation consumed by madness, yearning only to burn like fabulous roman candles, sadly, they were all out of combustibles.
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Old 08-16-2013, 10:22 AM   #207
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Kieran, I know what you mean about the yearning. Once I knew of a very bright child, he was my friend, as children we often played in a castle on a small island in the middle of a big lake. Some would call it a fort, we called it a castle. Over time i'd outgrown the place, but my friend, mad on his ideas, decided to live in this castle in the middle of the small island in the big lake as his dedicated home.

Some years went by, one time I had came home from the army and decided to go out to the big lake and see if my friend was still around. I took the old boat out to the middle island and the castle was there, still standing after all of this time. Once inside the castle I found my friend, he had spent his days writing horrific prophecies down in the dirt and the sand. None of it made sense really, until I noticed the hole in his head and realized that maggots were eating his brain. He is still alive to this day, legend has it, maggots and all. Its strange to me that he outlived all of his doomsday scenarios - I guess brain rot will do that to you. That and a steady diet of Twinkies, bourbon, and smokes.
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Old 08-16-2013, 10:39 PM   #208
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Sounds like another unfortunate 'beneficiary' of Brett's trepanning cure.
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Old 08-17-2013, 10:51 AM   #209
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unfortunate?
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Old 08-17-2013, 09:33 PM   #210
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Oh, oops, I meant 'fortunate'.
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