All of Kieran McConville's 'stories' HERE

[financeguy]

Larry Mullen picked by police after officer fails to recognise him.

A novice policewoman picked up an "eccentric old man acting suspiciously", completely unaware that it was Larry Mullen.

The 22-year-old officer was dispatched after residents in the New Jersey town of Long Branch had phoned to complain that a man in the Latin quarter was acting suspiciously.

When the officer asked the man for identification papers, he did not have a driving licence or other form of ID to prove his identity.

The retired drummer was then ordered into the back of her police car and driven back to his hotel to authenticate his story.

No explanation as to what Mullen was doing in New Jersey was forthcoming from Principle Management.

 

[financeguy]

"Ireland is a parliamentary democracy", McGuinness emphasized in remarks to journalists at the White House earlier, following a brief meeting with President Obama. "In no way is the Principle Corporation planning to usurp the government of Ireland, which is democratically elected. We are certainly not planning a military coup d'etat, and we don't have highly placed allies in the Irish Military Police. Neither do we have a highly trained militia ready to do our bidding and seize control. These bizarre rumours are simply false, and must be confronted."

 

[financeguy]

Kieran MCCONville's trollING is ruining THE forum!

'KIERAN' 'MCCONVILLE''S consistent trolling in all areas of this forum is completely SPOILING THINGS for the GENUINE U2 FANS.Yes, people can have different opinions , BUT NOT IF,AS 'KIERAN' does, they are continually foisting their views on US,the GENUINE U2 FANS ! !

This thread is dedicated to all those U2 fans who do not understand ART is an evolution. You will know these people easily cause they hold to the past or a moment and they are incapable of growth.They will judge , but never create. never really do much of anything , but analyze the context in which circumstances happen to them. Stuck in a moment they are. This thread is dessicated to people who fell in love with U2 on the Elevation tour. THE GOAL IS SOUL MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wake up.

 

[Mrs. Garrison]

EL E VA TION!

WOOO HOOOOO
WOOOO HOOOOOOOO
WOOO HOOOOO

*air guitar*

a MOLE
diggin in a (butt) HOLE
blah blah blah blah SOUL
EXCAVATION

eye and eye in the sky
you make mee feel like i can fly
off the top of a newborn babys head
HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

MASTURBATIONNNNNNNNN

WHOOOOOOOOOOO
HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

[Kieran McConville]

I think I should start 'telling' my 'stories' at 'Free Your Mind'. Call it a Monday Dispatch.

Extremism in the defence of extremism is actually... a blast.

- Cheney'12

 

[Mrs. Garrison]

SAVE A HORSE, RIDE A COWBOY.... (Nashville) Country and Western sensation Kenny Chesney again denies rumors that he is gay or "gay sexual". This amid an undertow of reports that he was recently seen in a known gay nightclub on an exotic island with several members "of the same sex" wrapped around him and dancing in a "vulgar" manner with the subjects. Though Chesney has personally declined comment, a spokesman for the singer said he is "straight as an arrow" and he was "enjoying being a rich, single superstar" and that he had to "exercise caution" with the womenfolk. When asked why the alleged superstar always had young men in his videos, in various stages of undress, the spokesman declined to comment.

 

[Zoomerang96]

U2 set to kick off the second leg of tour

America next on the agenda, as U2's 360 tour makes its way stateside

Bono tells crowd "Love is the answer, always remember to love"

U2's latest roadshow set to earn band a lot of money

 

[Kieran McConville]

Why didn't this tour start in America like it normally would/should?

Any truth to the rumours that it was due to Edge's soon-to-be-announced son being born?

 

[Zoots]

Why didn't this tour start in America like it normally would/should?

Any truth to the rumours that it was due to Edge's soon-to-be-announced son being born?

I thought it was because Frank got in touch with the band and threatened to raise hell if they did not start in Europe. That's what I heard at least.

 

[Mrs. Garrison]

GIANT OUTER SPACE VAGINA TERRORIZES TEXAS (austin)
A giant vagina from outer space has apparently taken residence in Austin, Tx, according to state capitol reports. The vagina, rumored to be feeding on local college students, is estimated to be 300 feet wide and 100 feet long. While it is uncertain what exactly the vagina's intentions are, it is said that the vagina is currently having its peroid. The entire city of Austin is on full scale alert and government officials have urged residents to leave the city at once. FEMA has apparently setup operations in Waco with a forward presence in the Austin area. Local officials have estimated it will take several infantry brigades and an air combat wing to penetrate the vagina. In the meantime peace negotiations with the giant vagina are said to take place after the cycle has completed.

 

[financeguy]

"Brian Eno is egg, not a man" - Mullen
Sacked U2 drummer Larry Mullen is to hit out at his former bandmates in a SHOCKING expose which will allege that musical maestro and U2 collaborator Brian Eno is not a man, but in fact an egg!

Last week, the SUN exclusively revealed that Larry is working a NO HOLDS BARRED account of his days on the road with the SUPERGROUP.

Recently, the Hibernian HUNK joined the SUN for a chat after a three hour workout session at his local gym.

"Brian is a talented guy, but not a lot of people know that I actually came up with most of his best ideas. Another thing people don't realise is that Brian is an egg that has assumed human form! Look at his head - it's obvious!"

Our reporter tried to quiz the PERCUSSIONIST PINUP for more details, but suddenly Mullen cut the interview SHORT, demanding that our reporter HAND OVER his tape recorder!

 

[Mrs. Garrison]

that Larry Mullen (Jnr) always has been kinda high maintenance

 

[Kieran McConville]

Secret Obama Broadcast to Declare Mullen American 'Czar'

 

[Kieran McConville]

I'm actually U2fanatic4ever, guys

Why did I choose such an emphatic name, guys? Well, back in the day, in - fuck it let's say November 2006 - I just thought I needed a name that really expressed my intention of remaining a frighteningly zealous devotee of the U2 organisation, for eternity. Until the heat death of the universe and the miserable death of our last post-human descendents in some crack in the ground, at least. At least, guys.

It was around this time, guys, that Zoorockgirl tried to come on to me. I was frankly a bit put off by the whole thing, as I'd been informed, the same day, by Zoorockgirl herself, that she/he was 'actually' U2popmofo.

Needless to say, hilarity did not ensue.

Do we have a strikethru feature here, guys? Nevermind.

So yeah, I'm actually just not sure anymore. It seems like I might have to write another 'letter to Elvis' to discuss my ambivalence.


Dear Elvis.

Long time no see. What's it been now, seven years, since I last wrote a letter to you? Well, here I am. Seven years older and balder. I still work in a zoo, hosing down the monkey cage every second day, and the tiger cage every third day, and cleaning out the remains of children from the bear pit every week after they stupidly climb the fence anyway...

Anyway anyway. Dear Elvis, I am writing to tell you that things have looked up in one department at least. YEs, i am married now. I am married to Zoorockgirl who I met on this very forum in 2005, and we have since joined up as a matrimonial concern, and live in Norway Maine with our 19 month old son Constantine.

Zoorockgirl really changed my life, Elvis. She looks exactly like that horrifying avatar she used to use, except more so.

Neither of us really 'rock' that much anymore. Mostly we listen to Hank Williams and play cards and tell the baby to quieten down a goddamn minute, we're trying to play cards here ok, and the baby never does, because it/she/he is learning to grapple with speech now. so.

goodbye, elvis.

 

[mad1]

Keiran, do you want a big box of tissues for your tears?

 

[Zoots]

hosing down the monkey cage every second day

Frank

Also, how is this thread a Kieran McConville 'story'? lol.

 

[Zoomerang96]

it's a gulag for all threads that aren't complete drivel.

if you display an ounce of creativity, originality, or sense of humour that might not be "understood", well golly, it better be placed in the safe confines of this super thread.

plus, in an incredibly ironic way, this thread has turned into a chain thread for all intents and purposes.

 

[financeguy]

This thread is for the U2 stories only. So if we could just keep the extraneous material out, that'd be great.

 

[Kieran McConville]

Got another letter to elvis here. This one was written in 2006 but by some - haha - crazy oversight, never posted.

24.3.06

Dear Elvis,

hello. Well as you may know - it's been all over the forums, and in everyone's faces - we're giving this thing a name. It's called marriage. That's right, Elvis. me and zoorockgirl.

And there's not a damn thing you can do to stop it. We are going to be MERGED in civil matrimony and we are going to live in our own big world. We might even have a baby and call him/her/it baby.

I'm gonna quite (sic) my job at the zoo. Fuck them. They can find someone else to hose down the monkey cages and tiger cages and bear pits. I'm going to find something better to do with my life. Like, I dunno, pumping gas at a station (except who does that anymore?).

I have a love in my heart that makes me stronger than anything you can imagine, elvis. That's right - me and zoorockgirl... even though I think I might have made the biggest little mistake of my life here.

Until next time... cheerio!

 

[Zoots]

Kieran, do you have any intention of writing to the new owner, Andy???? Maybe he can actually get you and zoorockgirl back together! Remember when, Kieran, you were more easily led behind the cricket pavilion and the bicycle shed? Do you??? She said you dance to disco and you don't like rock. She made fun of you even in bed and said she was gonna go and get herself a real man instead. Let's face the ground reality here, Kieran! instead of reminiscing useless old letters to Elvis that were never even posted. Sheesh!

 

[Zoomerang96]

you mean elvis doesn't run this place anymore?

i have no idea what's going on. did he sell it?

 

[Kieran McConville]

Kieran, do you have any intention of writing to the new owner, Andy???? Maybe he can actually get you and zoorockgirl back together! Remember when, Kieran, you were more easily led behind the cricket pavilion and the bicycle shed? Do you??? She said you dance to disco and you don't like rock. She made fun of you even in bed and said she was gonna go and get herself a real man instead. Let's face the ground reality here, Kieran! instead of reminiscing useless old letters to Elvis that were never even posted. Sheesh!

Who the fuck is Andy?

Who the fuck is Andy?

Andy who?

 

[Zoots]

you mean elvis doesn't run this place anymore?

i have no idea what's going on. did he sell it?

Yes indeed. Elvis has since retired and is living in his palatial mansion near luxurious Burj Al Arab in Dubai. This is all true except that last bit.

Who the fuck is Andy?

Who the fuck is Andy?

Andy who?

YouTube - Who The Fuck Is Alice Lyrics

?

 

[elevated_u2_fan]

Elvis has left the building

 

[Zoots]

Breaking U2 News, guys!

Spoiler

U2's "Claw" to be transported to Basra, Iraq for a special show to cheer the US troops and other friends of 'freedom'. U2 lead singer Bono to be transported in armoured tank.

 

[Zoomerang96]

you beat me to it, zoots. was about to post the exact same thing.

 

[Mrs. Garrison]

Alan Jamison says...

 

[Kieran McConville]

Let's have a thread that's like... I dunno... a LIST of things

Just trying something different here, I don't know if you guys would be up for a a thread that involves lists of stuff.

I know, it's a bit of a different way of engaging online, but worth a try.

I suggest we make a list of things we bought today. What did you buy today, guys?

I'll start:

One (1) pastry
One (1) box of biscuits
One (1) bottle of cheap red wine

 

[Jive Turkey]

I did not buy anything today

Zero (0) items

 

[Angela Harlem]

i bought nappies. pepsi max. orange juice. bread. milk. i splurged on cheese and broccoli duets, too.