All of Kieran McConville's 'stories' HERE

[Trinity3000]

This is a caravan... I think Americans call them trailers.

Which makes me wonder, what do they call this?

 

[Angela Harlem]

h'actually, it appears to be a dodge caravan. so yeah, it's a "caravan".

i could call it a spade though. and old bag mrs garrison is still wrong.



and trinity, that's a box trailer, commonly just referred to as a trailer.

 

[Angela Harlem]

trinity, i just noticed you're a kiwi, and therefore most likely understand all that. sorry. i thought you were asking as if to say, 'what do australians call this?'

now i'm curious as to what they call a trailer, also. a holiday home, perhaps?

 

[Mrs. Garrison]

This is a caravan... I think Americans call them trailers.

this one is a meth lab

Which makes me wonder, what do they call this?

this one is fucking useless

 

[Kieran McConville]

Rage Flu May Disrupt U2's Military Recruitment Plans

There were concerns this week that the rampant Rage Flu that is sweeping the globe might put a dent in U2's 2008-2009 financial year project to expand its security forces on the African and Eurasian continents.

Ever since WHO officials bowed to Israeli government pressure and phased out the 'Swine Flu' moniker, authorities worldwide have flailed to find an appropriate name to describe the viral disease to their peoples. Some are calling it Captain Trips, others Tube Neck, but the most appropriate name at this point seems to be Rage Death Flu Pig, according to unnamed doctors in Geneva.

The out of control plague, which has seen millions of rage infested hordes descend upon the ruins of London, Beijing and Moscow, has allegedly seen U2's military recruitment targets down by nearly 5% on projected expectations, potentially threatening the band's corporate performance on a volatile Wall Street.

The rumours were swiftly quashed by manager Paul McGuinness, who also took the opportunity to deny any knowledge of a multinational force recruited mainly from the poorer neighbourhoods of Cairo, Harare and that town in Somalia.

"U2 are a rock band and under no circumstances would we be in the business of financing private militia," McGuinness said.

"What possible use would anyone have for a private army fully equipped with the latest US-made supplies and trained at a private golf resort in Madagascar?" he added.

 

[kramwest1]

Some are calling it Captain Trips

HA!
I sense that a large steel structure is needed in Vegas to mount the nuke to.
Hmm.

"U2 are a rock band and under no circumstances would we be in the business of financing private militia," McGuinness said.

"What possible use would anyone have for a private army fully equipped with the latest US-made supplies and trained at a private golf resort in Madagascar?" he added.

Where do I get my ZooTV era uniform?


Mark

 

[financeguy]

"U2 are a rock band and under no circumstances would we be in the business of financing private militia," McGuinness said.

"What possible use would anyone have for a private army fully equipped with the latest US-made supplies and trained at a private golf resort in Madagascar?" he added.

I for one am glad that Paul has moved swiftly to deny these rumours.

 

[kramwest1]

I for one am glad that Paul has moved swiftly to deny these rumours.

Some might say he moved a little TOO quickly to deny these rumors.


Mark

 

[financeguy]

The Vatican is seemingly denying claims that Bono was in the Hitler Youth.

 

[kramwest1]

Did you hear anything about the Clarence Hotel being placed in quarantine following a ebola/rage/swine flu outbreak?? Anyone????

It was just a hyper-mutated form of rabies, nothing really to worry about.


Mark

 

[Mrs. Garrison]

okay, i guess i'd better come clean. This rage/swine/ebola thing is really just a decoy. The real shit isn't going to hit the fan until.....sometime in the fall. And I didn't really "buy" that 911 on my own, i had a little help from Paul Mac. He paid for the 911 Turbo in exchange for a couple of "favors". And as a good will gesture he even put Norman, Okla on the tour schedule this fall for the first time in 26 years. In return i promised him a "well fed" army of militant concert goers to attend this show.

But the big secret here is gave nuclear weapons to Paul Mac and company, enough in fact to wipe out a decent sized middle eastern country. WHY do that, you might ask? Well, we all know the bands current album (NLOTH) isn't exactly burning up the charts, and what this band really needs right now to get back on top is a good old fashioned war. Kind of like 911. Ironic? Well let's just say im your turbo lover, and the concert this fall is going to be a blast!

And im not worried about getting in trouble for all of this, for i know that Dick Cheney is going to pardon me.

Amen.

 

[Kieran McConville]

Don't worry Mrs G, you didn't kill the thread.


Joe the Plumber to Sign Contract With Principle Talent Division

US Republican party policy advisor, Joe the Plumber, is set to sign a 5 year contract with Principle Management's new talent division, chairman Paul McGuinness announced today.

The Principle stable has recently been exponentially enlarged by the acquisition of Oasis, Travis and other UK superstars such as Coldplay, the Beckhams and the Corrs.

The latest addition came out of left field, according to market observers.

"It's unclear what value Joe the Plumber will be adding to the new Principle enterprises, and/or what would persuade the Fox conglomerate to release him from his current commitments," one analyst said. "Nonetheless, a 'beautiful day' for the Midas of Dublin, Paul McGuinness."

At close of press today (ed: a strange concept in the online world), rumours surfaced that Joe the Plumber's role might be more 'hands on' than previously publicised, and that he could be taking a plane forthwith to the Urals, where Principle PLC's land and air forces are already planning an audacious geopolitical move previously rivalled only by Napoleon and Hitler.

 

[Mrs. Garrison]

Don't worry Mrs G, you didn't kill the thread.

well thats a relief, because this thread is a pretty good one you know.

 

[Kieran McConville]

Yes, I agree! I should say, oui!

 

[Zoots]

lol at merge.

 

[Kieran McConville]

I know, it was really hilarious, wasn't it?

Man, I laughed.

 

[Zoots]

Keiran

 

[Zoomerang96]

Spoiler

mankissing

 

[Mrs. Garrison]

Shake it, shake it, shake it

 

[Kieran McConville]

Guys, you missed it, but I just posted and then deleted the most amazing thread ever

and by amazing, I mean amazingly offensive, violent and disturbing.

I deleted it, not out of a sense of decorum, but just so I'd have one up on the rest of you. I know I did something that the rest of you can now only hear about second hand from me.

All me. It's all about me, guys.

GUys, I punched Caisenma on a train while wearing a Wilco tshirt. I then joined him in smoking 3.565 unfiltered marlboros.

 

[mad1]

 

[Kieran McConville]

this isn't a dating site, mad1. I've been down that road already, and let's just say that all those 'free thinkers' out there weren't quite as unshackled as they'd like to suggest. Let's just say that the monastic life is where it's at from here on in, excepting of course awful, frantic, joyless encounters with caisenma.

 

[mad1]

Kieran, I strongly believe you would make a great daddy to quite a few mini-you.



big field.

lots of grass plucking.

bonfires and cans of water.

 

[Kieran McConville]

Infrastructure will collapse, mad 1.

throw your keys in the salad bowl.

 

[mad1]

okay okay, but I swear to your right bicep, that if you put mayo on it instead of salad cream, I WILL saw your tomatos in half.

 

[Zoots]

and by amazing, I mean amazingly offensive, violent and disturbing.

Did whatsisname make an appearance??

Honestly Kieran... how is it that you post the most annoying dog's bollocks that this forum has ever seen and still get a shiny golden star for your effort???

Fuck, this world is unfair eh?

 

[Kieran McConville]

Oh clap clap, guys!

seriously.

In what possible, conceivable, insane way could my latest thread be construed as a 'story' about 'U2'? In what way, guys?

And if not, what is it doing in my 'U2 stories' thread, which, one would have thought, is for various news articles pertaining to the band U2, and not to me and what I did on a train?

And Zoots, annoying dogs bollocks is very MUCH in the eye of the BEHOLDER. There, look what you did, you got me using caps. I don't know what to do with you guys sometimes.

 

[mad1]

I think they are just keeping all your stuff together Kieran to keep place tidy, as you randomly post such.............randomness.

 

[Kieran McConville]

heaven forbid I disturb the delicate balance.

while you make pretty speaches
i am cut to shreds

 

[mad1]

see it more along the lines of you always walkin round with your pants hangin out of your trousers from behind, and people tucking you.