All of Kieran McConville's 'stories' HERE

[Kieran McConville]

Guys, I am bothered by the existence of no less than 4 Roman Empires

1. The original Roman Republic and Empire
2. The 'eastern' (or Byzantine) Empire, which based itself on Constantinople
3. The Holy Roman Empire of the German Nation
and
4. The Third Reich, which claimed legitimacy from the former (among, you know, other stuff)
and
5. The 'ghost' in the machine (or as I like to think of it, the parasitic Moreton Bay Fig), the Catholic Church of Rome
and
6. The British Empire in certain moments (in its cups, for instance)
and
7. America

What's a boy to do!???

GUys/!!! LOLZ!!!

How does it FEEL!

 

[Kieran McConville]

Guys, if you count the descendents of the Tsars, the anti-popes and the living ex-US presidents, there are a whole shitload of potential 'Roman Emperors' around. And a few of them even speak latin.

I'm so bothered, guys, that I'm putting a song about it on my new album with my band 'The Pricks'.

 

[Alan Jamison]

Practise next Tewsday and next Thuhs-day, chum.

 

[Alan Jamison]

Em, I'm rathuh pleased to be an Englishmun.

 

[Alan Jamison]

Bloody yanks!

 

[Kieran McConville]

you tell em, alan.

Oh by the way, I'm docking all the band's wages because, let's face it, I have an addiction to feed.

 

[Alan Jamison]

Have you had the T-shuhts printed yet?

With 'The Pricks' logo?

 

[Kieran McConville]

Logo? There's a logo? I just scrawled the name myself in black texter... gave up after the first twenty or so.

 

[financeguy]

em, I'm Rathuh Pleased To Be An Englishmun.

You Are Not English.

 

[Mrs. Garrison]

he's barely human

 

[Zoomerang96]

here i was gonna reply to kieran, and AGAIN i feel compelled to instead lambast alan jamison.

HE'S NOT ENGLISH.

 

[Kieran McConville]

That's true, let's talk about his not-englishness for a while. It might make a good thread topic.

 

[Kieran McConville]

U2 manager Paul McGuinness caused shockwaves to reverberate around Dublin today, with the first acknowledgement from inside the official band camp that there may be truth to rumours of U2 'stigmata'.

Nobody can say for sure where the rumoured incidents first appeared, but Principle insiders say that the bleeding wounds may be the first physical 'manifestation' of the band's new spiritual sway among music fans.

McGuinness, previously a sceptic around matters of religious stigmata, abruptly changed his tune this week, and is now insisting that Irish church authorities should 'closely examine' the claims.

"Is Bono a prophet? I leave for you to judge, when I tell you that No Line On The Horizon has already reached more willing ears than the early gospels had in a comparable period of time after the event."

 

[Fernando-]

 

[Bonogirl777]

^that's the usual reaction.

 

[Kieran McConville]

Reached for comment at his ranch in the Basque country shortly before press time, U2 drummer Larry Mullen Jnr. promised a 'full testimony' on the 'Great Fan Awakening of 2009' would soon be forthcoming from Bono and fellow band members Dave Evans (also known as The Edge) and Adam Clayton.

"Bono always knew that one day the light would shine forth on our fans, and that the consequences might be unpredictable," Mullen said.

Already the Vatican has asked for documentation on the leading cases of stigmata, which if proven to be legitimate, could set in train the process leading to beatification of the U2 singer and main lyricist, Bono.

At press time a wild mob of U2 fans assaulted the offices of journalist Ted Connors, demanding that canonisation proceed forthwith.

 

[Carek1230]

 

[Zoomerang96]

Reached for comment at his ranch in the Basque country shortly before press time, U2 drummer Larry Mullen Jnr. promised a 'full testimony' on the 'Great Fan Awakening of 2009' would soon be forthcoming from Bono and fellow band members Dave Evans (also known as The Edge) and Adam Clayton.

"Bono always knew that one day the light would shine forth on our fans, and that the consequences might be unpredictable," Mullen said.

Already the Vatican has asked for documentation on the leading cases of stigmata, which if proven to be legitimate, could set in train the process leading to beatification of the U2 singer and main lyricist, Bono.

At press time a wild mob of U2 fans assaulted the offices of journalist Ted Connors, demanding that canonisation proceed forthwith.

this sounds chilling. please keep us in the loop with what develops... please. the media is what's needed more than anything right now. some good honest reporting here.

 

[mikal]

i wonder what they have to say to the unemployed about these series of events.

 

[Mrs. Garrison]

i wonder what they have to say to the unemployed about these series of events.

Let's not get off topic here, okay guy?



this is indeed great news, in some ways i have been waiting my entire life to hear something like this.

 

[financeguy]

Gonna try and get some confirmation of this.

 

[Mrs. Garrison]

I'M SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[major_panic]

I hope Bono's ok.

 

[BVS]

I hope Bono's ok.

Bono's an overweight addict that has his pathway to his private jet paved by the backs of the unemployed, and will be seen from time to time flying it to his tax shelters where he hangs out with young girls in bikinis. Every once in awhile he forgets something like a hat or his wallet but don't worry he gets it sent on a first class seat, usually next to Bill Gates. But this is the real Bono, the one you usually see is just a stand in that's why he always forgets the lyrics and is sometimes seen writing with his left hand...

 

[TripThruUreWires]

stigmatics and hysterics have been found to share some of the same pathologies or symptoms.

 

[ouizy]

Reached for comment at his ranch in the Basque country shortly before press time, U2 drummer Larry Mullen Jnr. promised a 'full testimony' on the 'Great Fan Awakening of 2009' would soon be forthcoming from Bono and fellow band members Dave Evans (also known as The Edge) and Adam Clayton.

"Bono always knew that one day the light would shine forth on our fans, and that the consequences might be unpredictable," Mullen said.

Already the Vatican has asked for documentation on the leading cases of stigmata, which if proven to be legitimate, could set in train the process leading to beatification of the U2 singer and main lyricist, Bono.

At press time a wild mob of U2 fans assaulted the offices of journalist Ted Connors, demanding that canonisation proceed forthwith.

I had read the same press release, however in a follow-up story by a Chinese journalist worth his salt, Bono later confessed the blood actually came from some minor papercuts he received on both palms as he was counting stacks of Euros he found under his pillow.

The funny thing he thought was the currency that caused this uproar would soon be phased out for the new Global Currency being proposed and after doing some quick conversion rate math in his head he realized that once put in place, he would actually be able to purchase Lithuania to add to his collection.

He closes on Iceland in a few short weeks, once the appraiser determines there are no more elves (or 'financiers') there.

 

[major_panic]

I had read the same press release, however in a follow-up story by a Chinese journalist worth his salt, Bono later confessed the blood actually came from some minor papercuts he received on both palms as he was counting stacks of Euros he found under his pillow.

The funny thing he thought was the currency that caused this uproar would soon be phased out for the new Global Currency being proposed and after doing some quick conversion rate math in his head he realized that once put in place, he would actually be able to purchase Lithuania to add to his collection.

He closes on Iceland in a few short weeks, once the appraiser determines there are no more elves (or 'financiers') there.

YouTube - Hilarious Bono and Larry from U2

I thought they were saving up to buy Andorra...

 

[Kieran McConville]

You got it all wrong, guys. It's not Bono with the stigmata, it's the fans. He inspires them to the stigmata, you see.

 

[Mrs. Garrison]

You got it all wrong, guys. It's not Bono with the stigmata, it's the fans. He inspires them to the stigmata, you see.

YouTube - Depeche Mode - Wrong HQ HD (Live at Echo Awards, Berlin)

 

[Kieran McConville]

sorry, i can't abide youtube links... is that a reference to 'personal jesus'?

If so, I concur. comrade.