All of Kieran McConville's 'stories' HERE

[GirlsAloudFan]

 

[financeguy]

Sicy, can you reopen that hot single moms thread?

 

[Kieran McConville]

Guys, I'm having some trouble accessing your pants. Can you please rectify this, mkay?

 

[Kieran McConville]

post all your stories about 'kieran' 'mcconville' here, cat lovers!

Come on guys!

It's easy!

Larry Mullen Denies Rumours of U2 'Claw', Says Fans 'Just Bitter'

 

[Alan Jamison]

Zedbetty, are you sad that on the forthcoming U2 Three-Hundred-and-Sixty-Degree Tour the band will not be playing With Or Without You?

Your thoughts?

Your reflections?

Your interpretations?

Your blood type?

 

[melon]

Is it just me, or is it hilarious that your thread title includes not stories, but 'stories'?

 

[Zoomerang96]

yes, a bit interesting to say the least, melon. i, for one, have always found his stories to be insightful.

U2's 'claw' claims 54,000 lives in tour opener

 

[Kieran McConville]

54,000 lives.



People have evaded the Hauge for less. I sure hope the performance was worth it.

 

[financeguy]

Is it true that around 800 children were made to get up on stage and put on Michael Jackson masks?

 

[Kieran McConville]

I'm sure it is.

But on the up side, at least they escaped the clutches of U2's 'claw'.

 

[Zoomerang96]

U2's 'claw' goes on racist tangent, devours 80,000 fans

 

[Kieran McConville]

Less died in the firebombing of the Dresden Dolls. Sheesh, guys!

 

[Alan Jamison]

U2's 'claw' claims 54,000 lives in tour opener

And 1273 of them were die-hard Interference posters.

Those with their face ripped off by the claw include the following:

****
******
**** ********
******* ******
*********

 

[Kieran McConville]

I should post some of my real 'stories' here, guys, but you know what: I can't spare the moisture.

 

[Kieran McConville]

All of Alan Jamison's 'sex stories' here, guys

Yeah, I know they've been cluttering up the interwebs a bit of late, but that's all about to change, courtesy of this new thread devoted to the topic. You will, naturally, be pleased to know that they are all pay-per-view.

 

[financeguy]

Principle Management insiders are privately admitting 'extreme concern' about the antics of U2's latest piece of technological wizardry, dubbed 'The Claw'.

The machine has reportedly taken on a life of its own between gigs, repeatedly attempting to break its titanium-reinforced bonds while in transit, and running amok in its cavernous chamber deep under the Dublin docklands.

'The thing has an insatiable appetite', one highly placed Principle source contended.

 

[Kieran McConville]

Principle Management insiders are privately admitting 'extreme concern' about the antics of U2's latest piece of technological wizardry, dubbed 'The Claw'.

The machine has reportedly taken on a life of its own between gigs, repeatedly attempting to break its titanium-reinforced bonds while in transit, and running amok in its cavernous chamber deep under the Dublin docklands.

'The thing has an insatiable appetite', one highly placed Principle source contended.

That poor CLAW, chained up under the Dublin docklands!

I HOPE the 'claw' is ok!!!!

Say, has anyone heard about the sudden unaccountable disappearance of Dublin's homelessness problem?

 

[Kieran McConville]

Area Man Reports Seeing U2 'Claw' In Area

Area man Peter Hitchens, walking his dog on the way to his office to write his weekly newspaper column, reported to our sources today that he thought he 'saw' the U2 Claw (or claws) running amok through the streets of London.

"I'm not sure, but I think it might have been tearing dozens of people limb from limb, as the streets ran red with human blood, so deep that parked cars started to drift off on the tide," Hitchens, a tory, said.

"I curse God that I was born in this degraded age," the man added.

 

[Kieran McConville]

I'm actually Aidan O'Leary, guys

Or, as I am known in my 'real' life, Aidrienne O. Lear. I am not Irish or anything, in fact I work as a senior employee in the bank of Zimbabwe, which alas is having some problems just lately...

No, haha, not those kinds of problems. I don't want to scam you out of money via some crackpot story about how I'm helping arrange a business deal with one of my government colleagues or something like that. That would be silly. They're all dead.

No, I want you to wire me money so I can get the hell out of this hell hole, and back to my former job as a barmaid, in Dublin, Ireland.

 

[elevated_u2_fan]

it all makes perfect sense now

 

[Kieran McConville]

Does financeguy really talk like the guy in Black Books?

I think we should have a thread to discuss this matter.

Also, can I just add a note that you should feel free to post pictures of Financeguy, especially pictures in which he is dressed as a Young Fogey. Conscious or unconscious, I don't care.

 

[VintagePunk]

He's not aging well, that's for sure.

 

[Mrs. Garrison]

is that old man sporting wood (?)

 

[VintagePunk]

is that old man sporting wood (?)

You owe me brain bleach.

 

[Kieran McConville]

All of "Kieran McConville"s "U2" related "stories" here, guys. All of them. Here.

 

[Zoomerang96]

that's pretty low end.

Zoomerang96 promises to ruin london u2 concert if he hears elevation, pride, walk on, stuck in a moment, desire, angel of harlem: Zoomerang96

 

[Zoots]

All of "Kieran McConville"s "U2" related "stories" here, guys. All of them. Here.

I cannot stop laughing right now.

 

[Kieran McConville]

What if, zoomerang96, they play all of those aforementioned songs in the form of a sort of 'you know this one' medley, with a hat for coins to be tossed from the audience?

Was a cold and wet december day,
we touched the ground at JFK
You are such a fool
to worry like you do
SING IT WITH ME!

The audience, naturally, will be strongly encouraged by the presence of many armed riot police.

 

[financeguy]

Here's a funny parody on Coldplay I found on the internet :

How long before I get in?
Before it starts, before I begin?
How long before you decide?
Before I know what it feels like?
Where To, where do I go?
If you never try, then you'll never know.
How long do I have to climb,
Up on the side of this mountain of mine?

Look up, I look up at night,
Planets are moving at the speed of light.
Climb up, up in the trees,
every chance that you get,
is a chance you seize.
How long am I gonna stand,
with my head stuck under the sand?
I'll start before I can stop,
before I see things the right way up.

All that noise, and all that sound,
All those places I got found.
And birds go flying at the speed of sound,
to show you how it all began.
Birds came flying from the underground,
if you could see it then you'd understand?

Ideas that you'll never find,
All the inventors could never design.
The buildings that you put up,
Japan and China all lit up.
The sign that I couldn't read,
or a light that I couldn't see,
some things you have to believe,
but others are puzzles, puzzling me.

All that noise, and all that sound,
All those places I got found.
And birds go flying at the speed of sound,
to show you how it all began.
Birds came flying from the underground,
if you could see it then you'd understand,
ah when you see it then you'll understand?

All those signs, I knew what they meant.
Some things you can invent.
Some get made, and some get sent,
Ooh?
Birds go flying at the speed of sound,
to show you how it all began.
Birds came flying from the underground,
if you could see it then you'd understand,
ah, when you see it then you'll understand?

 

[Kieran McConville]

That's not a parody, is it? I recognise those lyrics.