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Old 04-05-2014, 05:18 PM   #466
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Kieran, you know I have a story you might like. It may or may not break the forum, but its sure to make you pity the cage and not the animal and the shadows will be more scared of you than you of them.
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Old 04-05-2014, 06:52 PM   #467
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O rly?
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Old 04-05-2014, 07:50 PM   #468
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A random lady was walking her dog down the street just now, I looked out the window to see her pause as the dog stopped to sniff the ground. Somehow he must have sensed me watching him through shaded glass as he looked up at me and he had the most intense little face ive ever seen on a dog. I felt a bit weak and sat back down into my fabulous chair, which gave me a unique view of soaring birds high above the tree in my front yard. I can hear those birds in the morning, calling out to whomever has stolen their nest, its possible the wind has taken them elsewhere and maybe they know that. Maybe the dog knows that too. I don't, nor does the lady who walks him, we just know what the wind does as it pertains to us alone.

I have to go watch a movie now, this has nothing to do with the story I mentioned, that would take some time to develop I suspect. Its probably my Texas painting, you know. All terrified and bloody in the right places, behind a well textured suit and deep lines in a face you desperately want to see animated once more.

Not the terrific sounds which knew their origins, the ones which didn't bear repeating.
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Old 04-05-2014, 10:08 PM   #469
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I hear that dogs... well, intense dogs... can sense the earth's magnetic field, thus allowing them to align themselves north-south when defecating.





Bono Head-Butts Fan Who Asks About Release Date
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Old 04-06-2014, 04:57 AM   #470
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Pope Bonoface I Issues Excommunication On Band Members, Calls for 'Spiritual Warfare' (Not A Game)
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Old 04-06-2014, 10:44 AM   #471
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The dog intensely defecates north and south of the river. The river to hell, that is. Twelve thousand degrees Fahrenheit to the center of the earth, where hell resides, the earths magnetic center. The river flows with dead fish and doggy droppings, and birds who cannot swim.

Its a war alright, an all out war. The ash blows from atop an active mountain, the ring of fire and ancient bones. Rancid hell rains down on valleys below, trees consumed alive in an instant with the sound and fury of several atom bombs. She laughs at us from her rented cloud above. Close to safety she is but further from eternity she floats.

Once the dust finally settles and the dead claim their mourners, a winged creature makes swooping grand gestures in the sky and circles over a small town which has yet to awaken to the new day. She defecates on every vehicle that she can, knowing she has good aim, white and blue splatter on the shiny cars below is the only weapon of choice she can deliver.
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Old 04-06-2014, 10:09 PM   #472
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I'm claiming the rights on 'Intense Sausage Dog' for when we don't do do the animated series.
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Old 04-07-2014, 04:39 PM   #473
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Is this going to be another one of those 'how I met Garfield's odie's bitch mother?'
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Old 04-09-2014, 02:06 AM   #474
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That's My Bitch: The Garfield Years
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Old 04-10-2014, 04:09 AM   #475
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All of 'Lazarus's' 'Stories' Here (Dig, Lazarus, Dig)
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Old 05-14-2014, 04:06 PM   #476
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Achtung Bubba waves to Diamond Dave while passing cell block 6
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Old 05-14-2014, 06:19 PM   #477
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Achtung Bubba and Achtung Steve Fight Over Bodgy Vending Machine In The Rec Room
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Old 05-14-2014, 06:24 PM   #478
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The Rec Room is actually an underage gay bar in my town.

Actually its not totally gay, its just the anything goes kind of place.
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Old 05-16-2014, 04:27 AM   #479
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All of Achtung Bubba's Prison Stories In This Thread, Guys
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Old 08-08-2014, 06:31 AM   #480
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kieran McConville View Post
Bono Bummed Cigarette Off 98 Year Old War Veteran, Then Paid to Cover it Up: Sources

Mullen Admits Post-Show Fight Clubs May Be 'Out Of Control'

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Originally Posted by Kieran McConville View Post
Once upon a time there was a sausage dog.

Wruf, it said. Wruf.

The sausage dog cocked its head to one side, gazed upon the motionless body swinging by a leather belt from the shower tap, and said, wruf.

Wruf.

Later, the house got hotter. The sausage dog left the empty room now beginning to smell of bodily gases, trotted out through the dishevelled kitchen and through the small inset pet door installed for a cat that used to live here.

The sausage dog exited the small porch, crossed the lawn and stood on the sidewalk watching a kid bicycle past. The dog said wruf. The kid looked at the sausage dog, and the sausage dog looked back.

Later still, the sausage dog trotted back inside and munched on some dog biscuits deposited in its bowl earlier that day. The dog checked in on the body in the bathroom, and saw that it was still not moving. Wruf.

Early in the evening, as cicadas began to chirrup outside, the sausage dog stood in front of a couch which it was too short to climb onto. The sausage dog looked at the couch for a long time. Eventually the sausage dog exited the little pet door again, and stood on the porch for a while. Later, it trotted down the street towards the cluster of shops near the corner.

Wruf.
Okay, so after all of this time, i will admit i was the 98 year old war veteran. Mr. Bono is a very nice man i must admit. Quite humble. But he does like his smokes..and pizza. He paid me off well. Paid for a new plate in my head (the old one cracked under pressure). He also saw to it that i got a lifetime premium membership at....

Also he had his "people" take care of the body in the bathroom of my house. I don't miss her one bit. At my advanced age i can hardly even remember her name.

And by "people" i mean some surly guy on a motorcycle dressed in leather. He was a mean little guy who barely spoke and wouldn't crack a smile.

Every morning i walk out of my house onto the porch, down the street to the corner store, and buy my daily supply of cheap cigarettes, dipping snuf, and canned beer. I almost forgot twinkies and mountain dew....lots of that.

And every morning i pass by the light post on the corner with the faded sign reading "MISSING DOG...REWARD" that i put up for that bastard sausage dog. I never really liked that little dog but it was fun to watch and kick around. Nature played a mean trick on the sausage dog and i respect that. Wruf.
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