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Old 06-24-2011, 08:09 PM   #376
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Reached for comment at his ranch in the Basque country shortly before press time, U2 drummer Larry Mullen Jnr. promised a 'full testimony' on the 'Great Fan Awakening of 2009' would soon be forthcoming from Bono and fellow band members Dave Evans (also known as The Edge) and Adam Clayton.

"Bono always knew that one day the light would shine forth on our fans, and that the consequences might be unpredictable," Mullen said.

Already the Vatican has asked for documentation on the leading cases of stigmata, which if proven to be legitimate, could set in train the process leading to beatification of the U2 singer and main lyricist, Bono.

At press time a wild mob of U2 fans assaulted the offices of journalist Ted Connors, demanding that canonisation proceed forthwith.
Rumour has it that Bono has been displaying signs of stigmata again, post the Glastonbury performance. Verily, repent thee of thy sin, for the End Times draw close.
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Old 06-27-2011, 04:01 PM   #377
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Old 02-26-2013, 08:01 AM   #378
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A_Wanderer returns as mechanical killing machine from future

After passing through the stages of libertopianism, extropianism, time dilation and Randian Singularity, sources say the former geology undergrad returned to an empty Sydney junkyard late on Monday night.

His/Its arrival was heralded by a blinding ball of blue-white lightning and the sight of several old car door panels being blown off their hinges to smash against a nearby brick wall.

He/It, the Godhead, the Transformed, was apparently quite naked, entirely hairless and extremely muscular.

Sources say that A_Wanderer has returned to the present era in order to punish uneducated unenlightened man for failing to usher in His/Its transhumanism sooner than they in fact did. And also Dutch girls, who the Transformed allegedly maintains should be punished for having large breasts.

"AI (wandering) gods will make everything better in the new past," an insider observed.
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Old 02-26-2013, 08:07 AM   #379
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He's in for a rude awakening when he finds out how much rent is in Sydney...
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Old 02-26-2013, 08:19 AM   #380
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It's not the future anymore, old tiger!
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Old 02-26-2013, 12:02 PM   #381
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Wondered what he was doing.
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Old 02-26-2013, 06:01 PM   #382
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A_Wanderer was also the first real life Pokemon.
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Old 02-27-2013, 02:27 AM   #383
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Yes, but what about Alan Jamison?
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Old 02-27-2013, 08:04 PM   #384
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Alan Jamison's band 'The Pricks' tanked after the failure of their debut single 'Fuck You'.
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Old 03-03-2013, 08:15 AM   #385
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This thread to be resurrected any old time I feel like it: source.
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Old 03-11-2013, 02:55 PM   #386
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yes
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Old 03-11-2013, 02:59 PM   #387
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Originally Posted by Kieran McConville View Post
After passing through the stages of libertopianism, extropianism, time dilation and Randian Singularity, sources say the former geology undergrad returned to an empty Sydney junkyard late on Monday night.

His/Its arrival was heralded by a blinding ball of blue-white lightning and the sight of several old car door panels being blown off their hinges to smash against a nearby brick wall.

He/It, the Godhead, the Transformed, was apparently quite naked, entirely hairless and extremely muscular.

Sources say that A_Wanderer has returned to the present era in order to punish uneducated unenlightened man for failing to usher in His/Its transhumanism sooner than they in fact did. And also Dutch girls, who the Transformed allegedly maintains should be punished for having large breasts.

"AI (wandering) gods will make everything better in the new past," an insider observed.
I read this four times and laughed 5 times. Guess which reading elicited the extra laugh.......
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Old 03-11-2013, 05:36 PM   #388
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I'm going to assume number four which brought on the extraneous fifth reading
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Old 03-20-2013, 08:38 AM   #389
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Here's a new 'story'.

I'm going to excommunicate you all, guys.

Sorry it had to go this way but, well, I have to excommunicate you. Yes, I see you out there barefoot in the snow. You aren't Emperor Henry. I don't care. I hope you get frostbit and your toes fall off.

Failing to bow to my supreme will, I'm afraid you must accept nothing less than to be excommunicated.
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Old 04-19-2013, 01:41 PM   #390
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that "new" "story" is already a month old, kieran.

... LIES!
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