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Old 10-13-2009, 07:32 AM   #241
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Originally Posted by Kieran McConville View Post
Oh and zoots... lock and ban? Who the fuck are you?
Kieran
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Old 10-22-2009, 08:56 AM   #242
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The Sausage Dog

Once upon a time there was a sausage dog.

Wruf, it said. Wruf.

The sausage dog cocked its head to one side, gazed upon the motionless body swinging by a leather belt from the shower tap, and said, wruf.

Wruf.

Later, the house got hotter. The sausage dog left the empty room now beginning to smell of bodily gases, trotted out through the dishevelled kitchen and through the small inset pet door installed for a cat that used to live here.

The sausage dog exited the small porch, crossed the lawn and stood on the sidewalk watching a kid bicycle past. The dog said wruf. The kid looked at the sausage dog, and the sausage dog looked back.

Later still, the sausage dog trotted back inside and munched on some dog biscuits deposited in its bowl earlier that day. The dog checked in on the body in the bathroom, and saw that it was still not moving. Wruf.

Early in the evening, as cicadas began to chirrup outside, the sausage dog stood in front of a couch which it was too short to climb onto. The sausage dog looked at the couch for a long time. Eventually the sausage dog exited the little pet door again, and stood on the porch for a while. Later, it trotted down the street towards the cluster of shops near the corner.

Wruf.
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Old 10-22-2009, 09:06 AM   #243
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I like that story.
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Old 10-22-2009, 09:35 AM   #244
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oh please give us an ending to this story!

dear heavens!

did anyone ever follow it back to the house to find the shower-tap-person?

did it ever get on the couch?

did it find a real sausage and live happy ever after?
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Old 10-22-2009, 10:55 AM   #245
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Old 10-22-2009, 11:11 AM   #246
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Old 10-22-2009, 08:38 PM   #247
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What a charming story.
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Old 10-22-2009, 08:40 PM   #248
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you've wasted my time again, karen mcconval.
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Old 10-23-2009, 05:25 AM   #249
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I felt like I was really aiming for something new with this one, gang. A sort of no-story. I don't think it is inconsequential enough, though. It needs to be made even more innocuous and devoid of narrative.
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Old 10-23-2009, 08:26 AM   #250
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There's enough narrative here to make me want to hear more, and that's just no good at all, is it?
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Old 10-23-2009, 09:41 PM   #251
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Your so called 'story' is full of couches, sausages, showers and other disgusting references. Ban this sick filth. Disgusting rubbish. I for one do not wish my children to be subjected to such filth.
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Old 10-23-2009, 10:11 PM   #252
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This actually reminds me of that time i killed a family of immigrants who were staying at my house. They weren't bad people, really, just different and weird. I had them over working on a project on the grounds of my estate. Once they finished, to my liking, i really had no more use for them.

I started by cutting off grandmas head and putting it in the fish tank, she liked my fish so much i thought it would be fitting if they swam inside her open mouth and ate her eyeballs. I buried grandpa in the backyard alive, i left him a small breathing tube so he could live long enough for the maggots to eat away at him. The children annoyed me to no end, luckily they were small enough to fit in my oven so i slow baked them along with a nice stuffed roast.

Mother and father were pretty nice people who did the most work without complaint. I was going to let them go free until i realized they knew just enough english to tell the authorities on me. Fair enough, i sliced them into pieces in the dining room and the kitchen and wherever they ran in their last few terror filled moments before they bled out. I left the fathers penis in the mail box along with the mothers breast, as a simple remind to Floyd the fucking mailman; dont deliver my mail to the neighbors house again (or vice versa) or youre next motherfucker. Floyd has since been very diligent in his postal duties.

Now it seems i will need another family of immigrants over to work on cleaning and repainting the inside of my house. The blood and flesh just won't wash away like it used to. Such irony....Would you care for some desert?
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Old 10-23-2009, 10:16 PM   #253
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Old 10-25-2009, 07:49 AM   #254
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Wow... I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.
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Old 10-25-2009, 08:03 AM   #255
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"Wruf!"
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