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Old 09-16-2009, 02:55 AM   #151
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Old 09-21-2009, 05:51 AM   #152
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I'm actually U2fanatic4ever, guys

Why did I choose such an emphatic name, guys? Well, back in the day, in - fuck it let's say November 2006 - I just thought I needed a name that really expressed my intention of remaining a frighteningly zealous devotee of the U2 organisation, for eternity. Until the heat death of the universe and the miserable death of our last post-human descendents in some crack in the ground, at least. At least, guys.

It was around this time, guys, that Zoorockgirl tried to come on to me. I was frankly a bit put off by the whole thing, as I'd been informed, the same day, by Zoorockgirl herself, that she/he was 'actually' U2popmofo.

Needless to say, hilarity did not ensue.

Do we have a strikethru feature here, guys? Nevermind.

So yeah, I'm actually just not sure anymore. It seems like I might have to write another 'letter to Elvis' to discuss my ambivalence.


Dear Elvis.

Long time no see. What's it been now, seven years, since I last wrote a letter to you? Well, here I am. Seven years older and balder. I still work in a zoo, hosing down the monkey cage every second day, and the tiger cage every third day, and cleaning out the remains of children from the bear pit every week after they stupidly climb the fence anyway...

Anyway anyway. Dear Elvis, I am writing to tell you that things have looked up in one department at least. YEs, i am married now. I am married to Zoorockgirl who I met on this very forum in 2005, and we have since joined up as a matrimonial concern, and live in Norway Maine with our 19 month old son Constantine.

Zoorockgirl really changed my life, Elvis. She looks exactly like that horrifying avatar she used to use, except more so.

Neither of us really 'rock' that much anymore. Mostly we listen to Hank Williams and play cards and tell the baby to quieten down a goddamn minute, we're trying to play cards here ok, and the baby never does, because it/she/he is learning to grapple with speech now. so.

goodbye, elvis.
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Old 09-21-2009, 09:24 AM   #153
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Keiran, do you want a big box of tissues for your tears?
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Old 09-21-2009, 09:29 AM   #154
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Quote:
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hosing down the monkey cage every second day
Frank

Also, how is this thread a Kieran McConville 'story'? lol.
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Old 09-21-2009, 09:33 AM   #155
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it's a gulag for all threads that aren't complete drivel.

if you display an ounce of creativity, originality, or sense of humour that might not be "understood", well golly, it better be placed in the safe confines of this super thread.

plus, in an incredibly ironic way, this thread has turned into a chain thread for all intents and purposes.
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Old 09-21-2009, 12:29 PM   #156
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This thread is for the U2 stories only. So if we could just keep the extraneous material out, that'd be great.
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Old 09-22-2009, 05:31 AM   #157
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Got another letter to elvis here. This one was written in 2006 but by some - haha - crazy oversight, never posted.

24.3.06

Dear Elvis,

hello. Well as you may know - it's been all over the forums, and in everyone's faces - we're giving this thing a name. It's called marriage. That's right, Elvis. me and zoorockgirl.

And there's not a damn thing you can do to stop it. We are going to be MERGED in civil matrimony and we are going to live in our own big world. We might even have a baby and call him/her/it baby.

I'm gonna quite (sic) my job at the zoo. Fuck them. They can find someone else to hose down the monkey cages and tiger cages and bear pits. I'm going to find something better to do with my life. Like, I dunno, pumping gas at a station (except who does that anymore?).

I have a love in my heart that makes me stronger than anything you can imagine, elvis. That's right - me and zoorockgirl... even though I think I might have made the biggest little mistake of my life here.

Until next time... cheerio!
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Old 09-22-2009, 04:42 PM   #158
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Kieran, do you have any intention of writing to the new owner, Andy???? Maybe he can actually get you and zoorockgirl back together! Remember when, Kieran, you were more easily led behind the cricket pavilion and the bicycle shed? Do you??? She said you dance to disco and you don't like rock. She made fun of you even in bed and said she was gonna go and get herself a real man instead. Let's face the ground reality here, Kieran! instead of reminiscing useless old letters to Elvis that were never even posted. Sheesh!
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Old 09-22-2009, 05:33 PM   #159
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you mean elvis doesn't run this place anymore?

i have no idea what's going on. did he sell it?
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Old 09-23-2009, 06:40 AM   #160
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Quote:
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Kieran, do you have any intention of writing to the new owner, Andy???? Maybe he can actually get you and zoorockgirl back together! Remember when, Kieran, you were more easily led behind the cricket pavilion and the bicycle shed? Do you??? She said you dance to disco and you don't like rock. She made fun of you even in bed and said she was gonna go and get herself a real man instead. Let's face the ground reality here, Kieran! instead of reminiscing useless old letters to Elvis that were never even posted. Sheesh!

Who the fuck is Andy?

Who the fuck is Andy?

Andy who?
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Old 09-23-2009, 10:32 AM   #161
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Quote:
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you mean elvis doesn't run this place anymore?

i have no idea what's going on. did he sell it?
Yes indeed. Elvis has since retired and is living in his palatial mansion near luxurious Burj Al Arab in Dubai. This is all true except that last bit.

Quote:
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Who the fuck is Andy?

Who the fuck is Andy?

Andy who?
YouTube - Who The Fuck Is Alice Lyrics

?
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Old 09-23-2009, 12:03 PM   #162
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Elvis has left the building
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Old 09-24-2009, 04:19 PM   #163
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Breaking U2 News, guys!

 
U2's "Claw" to be transported to Basra, Iraq for a special show to cheer the US troops and other friends of 'freedom'. U2 lead singer Bono to be transported in armoured tank.
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Old 09-24-2009, 04:32 PM   #164
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you beat me to it, zoots. was about to post the exact same thing.
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Old 09-24-2009, 04:37 PM   #165
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Alan Jamison says...
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