All of Alan Jamison's 'Stories' Here

[Kieran McConville]

Alan Jamison (born Vyktor Ivanovich Strblzki, 1954) was a popular interference poster and band leader. Not a popular band leader. That needs an Oxford comma.

Alan Jamison, also known in some circles as 'Agent of Interest #2343', began his promising interference posting career in 1985, attempting to sow seeds of discord on the usenet group of the same name. He was unsuccessful.

After founding (some might say finding) a band, 'The Pricks' (see also 'The Fukkahs', 'The Military'), Jamison retired to a monastery for twelve years and then retired further to a lone column in the Sinai desert to practice the ways of a stylite. Again, without success. Jamison found the cold winter nights and complete lack of sustenance to be a strain unsupportable by man.

As did the financial backers of his flop 2014 single 'Everything Is Shit Except The Guy I'm Paying To Take Out Ballpark Music'.

Alan Jamison is today the social media manager for 'Hangry Moments' beef jerky (campaign of company that manufactures same), citation needed.

 

[Mrs. Garrison]

I'm not buying this story. I recently received a strange package from a cabin in New Hampshire. Mostly just some empty beverage cans and a poorly written note on the back of an old newspaper, inviting me to join some random pyramid scheme. Im pretty sure that was Jamison, i recognize that handwriting anywhere. I still have his autographed toilet paper framed over my catbox.

 

[Kieran McConville]

Jamison was being 'debriefed' in a cabin in New Hampshire prior to taking up employment as the social media manager for Hangry Beef Jerky

 

[Kieran McConville]

Incidentally, the only thing the social media manager for Hangry Beef Jerky does is click on the ads in Clickhole and press 'like' on his own updates. Over and over again.

 

[Mrs. Garrison]

Who is this Ballpark Franks gentleman that keeps calling me and hanging up? I'm not familiar with this guy...is he one of the Jamison gang?

 

[Kieran McConville]

He's an agent with Mossad.

 

[Mrs. Garrison]

Oh. Well i probably shouldn't have written that "story" about the backpack on the train.

 

[Kieran McConville]

That wasn't a real story? I thought it all happened exactly as recounted.

 

[Mrs. Garrison]

My memory isn't what it used to be with the blackouts and all. But yeah, thats pretty much what went down.

 

[Kieran McConville]

Alan Jamison Tells Office He Was 'Just Kidding' After Police Order Lockdown of Hangry Beef Jerky Headquarters Owing to Social Media Manager Coming To Work in Strap-on Bomb

 

[Kieran McConville]

"Mmmm, skyscraper... I love you," smirks Alan Jamison before adjusting his bowtie, picking up his briefcase and crossing the sun bleached quadrangle of Hangry Beef Jerky 'campus', where everything and anyone happens.

 

[Mrs. Garrison]

Remote New Hampshire cabin raided by FBI after anonymous tip

BREAKING Law Enforcement officials converge upon isolated mountain cabin

Updated: Sources find possible bomb making material, surplus of Twinkies and Mt Dew beverage cans, two turntables and a microphone.

 

[Kieran McConville]

Unabomber gonna set the whole world on fiyah


Just a housekeeping note guys, I'm actually Sting 2.

 

[Mrs. Garrison]

Jamison celebrates his record breaking 150,000 post at band website with a rant supporting the Nazi movement, curses followers for being "blind sheep", and trolls super-threads with an all out posting blitz flaming long time supporters with rapid-fire bursts.

Jamison later apologizes to fan community, likens odd behavior to being on a bad meth binge.

Spokesman for the guru / sometimes band leader unavailable for comment.

 

[Kieran McConville]

Wake up sheeple!!!!#@

 

[Mrs. Garrison]

Jamison set to co-author upcoming edition of 'Limbaugh Letter'

 

[Kieran McConville]

Alan Jamison Drives Band To Hear Limbaugh Lecture

"You'll listen to it and you'll like it, so shut up!" Jamison informs bickering co-bandmates. "You want to get out and walk? Right here in the middle of the desert? Cause we can do that. We can really totally do that. I don't even care."

 

[Mrs. Garrison]

Alan Jamison's conjoined twin, surgically removed after birth, rumored to be hiding in West Africa.

 

[Kieran McConville]

They found a whole mouth with teeth in Alan Jamison's brain.

 

[Kieran McConville]

Alan Jamison's band to do whole song based on Morgan from The Walking Dead

"Are you clear, man!? ARE YOU CLEAR!!?

YOU ain't clear, man!!!!

You ain't clear!!

(instrumental bridge)

Are you CLEAR MAN!!!!AREYOUCLEAR

 

[Mrs. Garrison]

Jamison Gang to demand apology from Walking Dead creators for stealing his idea (cannibalism)(terminus)

 

[Kieran McConville]

Who in turn may want a sorry from the folks behind 'The Answer To Infection Is Here'.

 

[Mrs. Garrison]

Jamison spotted leaving turkish massage parlor, covered in blood.

 

[Kieran McConville]

Alan Jamison Says He Has Cure For Ebola: "You have to stab them in the brain"

 

[Mrs. Garrison]

"What if someone already ate their brains?" - Little Jamison asks his father.

 

[Kieran McConville]

"Don't question me, Little Jamison!" Shrieks Jamison while scratching scabs.

'Little' Jamison is actually his given name.

 

[Kieran McConville]

Alan Jamison And 'The Pricks' in Hot Water Over New Spinoff Single 'Tainted Meat'

 

[Mrs. Garrison]

Jamison denies having ever visited rural Georgia.

'The Pricks' reportedly filming video for new single 'Squeal like a pig' in Atlanta suburb.

Jamison rep also denies that singer has ever used a wood chipper on his critics.

 

[Kieran McConville]

The Pricks Don't Have A Big Enough Budget To Get Out Of Atlanta

 

[Mrs. Garrison]

Pricks roadie reportedly missing half a leg and foot.