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Old 11-11-2008, 08:47 AM   #1
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: pig farming in Bolivia
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a woman's place is in the kitchen

Doctor said not to mix the meds with alcohol, but that's exactly what i did the other day. It was for breakfast, and lots of it to be exact, then i took my "crazy pills" and by noon i was pretty hungry. Lucky for me my best girlfriend Lucille (she goes by Lucy-Lou) was able to take me over to the local diner for some solid food.

We were going to do the buffet but since i was beginning to have mild attacks we decided to sit in the corner by the window so i could stare out at the world. The waiter, Chip, was not very friendly or patient and he had to take our order four times before he could get it right.

After what seemed like an eternity and older fat man named Earl brought out our food, Earl wasn't very nice either as he sat our food on the table and walked away. I noticed that my order was completely wrong, so i called out to him "Earl, this isn't what i ordered...EARL? EARL!!" More than one of the guests at the diner noticed and looked our way. Earl returned to the table with a tough-man attitued "What now" he said in a thunderous voice that would shake "the customer is always right" sign on the wall and raise a few eyebrows around the joint.

Lucy Lou leaned up close to Earl and tried to be speak in a low voice, "mellow fucking out Earl, you fucked up her order again now please just fix it so we can avoid a scene here". Earl wasn't having any of this though, "maybe you bitches should just go back to the kitchen and fix it yourself since your so picky...a womans place is in the kitchen anyway!" he growled as he stormed off.

This is about the time i lost it. I immediately grabbed a roll from the bread basket and threw it as hard as i could in Earl's direction, bopping him a good one in the back of the head. It hit him so hard he fell down on the floor, grimacing in pain. Then i took the ketchup bottle and dumped ketchup all over my skirt, sensing i had an audience, i jumped up on the table and began to scream bloody murder! "LOOKS LIKE I HAD AN ACCIDENT HERE!" I threw the ketchup bottle across the room and it shattered against the wall in a bloody mess. Then i took the baked potato, minus the toppings, and threw it towards the kitchen door screaming "BOMBS AWAY, ENOLA GAY!!" I took the potato toppings (cheese, butter, sour cream, and chives) and reached up my skirt and began to dress my , hiking up my skirt for all to see screaming "NOTHING SAYS LOVIN' LIKE FRESH FROM THE OVEN!!!"

I then skipped through the crowded diner, table-top to table-top kicking food all over the place screaming the entier way and making one hell of a mess. Finally i reached the cash register, with a horrified Chip at the helm, which i defecated on for the grand finale. "Can i get a to go box with that please?" i asked with a , and i headed for the door.

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