Women Lose 90 Percent of Eggs by Age 30 - Page 6 - U2 Feedback

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Old 02-02-2010, 05:37 PM   #76
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This blog, written by a friend of mine, seems to speak to the whole thing of "guys don't have to settle." Worth reading.

http://jaggard.blogspot.com/2009/11/...you-think.html

That girl.

You know, the one you're friends with? The one who-- on a scale of 1 to 10-- you'd say is a 7?

She's the one you laugh with in groups, banter with and who seems to get you. The one you talk late at night with every now and then when you want a girl's company. The one you went to coffee with the other day and had a pretty good time.

She's hotter than you think.

Let me explain:

I remember going to anniversary dinners and weddings and I'd hear the husband or groom, between sobs, say some sappy nonsense about how he was the luckiest guy in the world (statistically that's probably not true) and that he was married to the most beautiful girl in the world (which every man in the room instantly knew absolutely wasn't true).

I never understood those dinners. Those weddings. I thought the grooms and husbands were just being nice. I thought it was just poetry.

And then I got married.

Now, I'd like to think I'm an intelligent person. Yet there are many, many moments when I look at my wife who statistically speaking simply cannot be the most attractive woman in the world (they have competitions for that, after all) yet...

She is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in my life.

Calendar girls? You can have them. Victoria Secret Models? I love your product (really). But your women come in 2nd.

If you're like me when I was single this just didn't make sense. It sounds like a hallmark card. It sounds like something you say to make yourself feel good (or your wife, at least).

But it's not. I actually think Sarah is God's greatest sculpture. I like that I get to look at her a lot.

The other thing I know is that an overwhelming majority of people who get married weren't totally into each other the first time they met. "Yeah, he was cute...but it was his ___________ that I eventually fell in love with." Or "Sure I thought she was pretty...but I didn't totally fall for her until ___________."

These are the real life stories of happily married people. It wasn't necessarily lust at first site. Their love almost snuck up on them.

The first time they met they were each others 7's. And now they're each others 10's.

They were hotter than they originally thought.

Here's the thing: I talk to some guys and they say they just aren't interested in anybody they know. Hogwash. Except for a handful of dudes I know, anytime someone says "I don't know anyone" line it means either they don't want to be in a relationship or it means they're holding out for the bikini model who plays Warcraft and laughs at all their fart jokes.

But let me burst your bubble (while giving you 100 new bubbles to play with): The Warcraft chick doesn't exist.

You might think, "Well if only so-and-so was a little hotter..."

And I'm telling you: she's hotter than you think.
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Old 02-02-2010, 05:41 PM   #77
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I like that
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Old 02-02-2010, 06:01 PM   #78
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Once again though-women have to settle but men don't ? Maybe it all depends upon what your definition of settling is and what you expect from a relationship and the father of your kids.
I don't see the text as saying that women have to settle while men don't. I rather see it as a woman writing from a woman's perspective, but nowhere does she say that the man is not to do the same thing.
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Old 02-02-2010, 06:04 PM   #79
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Well women should settle in order to have a baby. If this is actually true about eggs and the age of 30, as a practical matter men just have more time and don't have to settle (they just have to find a younger woman, I guess). Just meant that in a general sense, not about that specific article.
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Old 02-02-2010, 06:21 PM   #80
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Might be true as to the biological pressure. Though, even for men I would argue there is good incentive not to wait too long. Also, I think the original article with the 10% statement is overtly dramatic. Not only that, as stated, it is still a great number of eggs, if you just take a look at how many women nowadays become parents with 30+, and most of them without any special help whatsoever, I don't see why the researchers have to be so alarming about their findings other than a.) own moral values or b.) marketing for their research. It doesn't seem so significant.

Though, Western societies in general (i.e. exceptions do exist) still have a double-standard as to the expectations of women and men, that's for sure.
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Old 02-02-2010, 07:12 PM   #81
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Come to west Michigan where the economy is shit and unemployment even shittier. There's plenty of stay at home dads around here. I also know several guys who are now going back to school for nursing since it's great money and one of the few guaranteed jobs.
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Old 02-02-2010, 07:36 PM   #82
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I don't see why the researchers have to be so alarming about their findings other than a.) own moral values or b.) marketing for their research. It doesn't seem so significant.
Got it in one, I suspect. Like so many of our moral panics, you dig down and find that there isn't any there, there. Or not much, anyway. But people love being beaten about the head about how to live their lives. Or, well, 'love' isn't the word, but...
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Old 02-02-2010, 08:30 PM   #83
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Im with Cori, near her age and no plans for kids.

however, on a close note its pretty annoyin pple tellin you to hurry and 'get ur skates on' just because ur not married and having kids, yet (according to them!)

whats wrong with being independently single!!!
or telling you to have a baby to save your marriage because if you leave you may be too old. By the time you find a new man willing to lay down with you it might be too late.
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Old 02-02-2010, 09:38 PM   #84
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I refuse to settle and only wind up being miserable.

That is why when I reach a certain age and am not married or in a serious relationship, I'm adopting. Nothing is going to stop me from being a mom. I don't want to be old and alone and look back on my life wishing I had raised a kid but didn't because I didn't have a man in my life.
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Old 02-02-2010, 09:52 PM   #85
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so, just to add to the discussion:

http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200803/single-marry

a sample:




this is not an endorsement at all of what this woman is saying, but it does seem to go along with some of the themes discussed so far in this thread, so i thought i'd post it for the sake of discussion.


I read your post,
that article this morning, I can't believe people are responding to this woman like she had any legitmate points.



did any of you read what she wrote?

God help any man she would settle for (that would have her) , I sure would not want to be him.
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Old 02-02-2010, 11:21 PM   #86
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I think it's a good idea to give people a chance and date them if you think they are nice and interesting, even if they don't totally knock your socks off romantically speaking the minute you meet them. Sometimes it takes a few dates for sparks to start flying. However, when it comes to actually marrying someone, "settling" sounds like a total recipe for disaster to me. Can the idea that the worst fate a woman can suffer is to be single just DIAF already? What century is this anyway? And what about the person you settle for? Doesn't he deserve to be with someone who is with him because she really, truly wants to be with him rather than someone who just married him simply because she wanted a child and didn't want to raise one by herself, or was afraid of being alone or whatever?
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Old 02-03-2010, 12:17 AM   #87
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And what about the person you settle for? Doesn't he deserve to be with someone who is with him because she really, truly wants to be with him rather than someone who just married him simply because she wanted a child and didn't want to raise one by herself, or was afraid of being alone or whatever?
Her lonely Haagen-Dazs-and-Mary-Tyler-Moore-aided epiphany told her otherwise. Doesn't get more legit than that.

I feel laughably unfit to post in this thread, considering I'm 18 and find the concept of parenthood surreal (pitiable for the child, if I were to have one in my current situation), but I must say this has been a good read. It cut a lot deeper, avoiding the party lines that take all of one post to divide most discussions in FYM.

Though I fully realize my frame of mind will shift with age, perhaps to the breaking point the author found herself at, I believe the decision to settle is not only unwise, but (ironically enough) reckless. Having seen the damage a subtle drain of a marriage can cause a family, and having grown from being terrified of divorce to simply resigned on the subject, I know that the reward of true love is worth the risk of loneliness. I've been in both situations, and I can thrive on my own terms regardless. Hell, if I'm alone, I'm only with one person I can't stand. Why settle on another for the sake of filling empty space or, worse yet, social pressure?
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Old 02-03-2010, 01:45 AM   #88
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Does anyone have friends/coworkers/family who have a stay-at-home dad?
That describes my family. And a couple others we know, though it's true it remains far less common than the reverse as a planned mutual choice. That said, he will be returning to work part-time now that our kids are all school-age, for several reasons, including the very important one AliEnvy mentioned:
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It may help to remember that kids also lose when their mothers are unprepared to support the family in the case of unexpected widowhood, divorce or a partner's unemployment. The workplace is not that accommodating to mothers, nevermind ones who are re-entering the workplace after a long absence.
The workplace isn't very accommodating to single parents, period, and having experienced firsthand what the resulting consequences for the entire family can be (my father died suddenly when I was in my mid-teens, throwing my mother--who had no paid employment history to show for herself--into the position of having to raise and support three kids alone), I would not want mine to be similarly unprepared. There's no foolproof way to prepare your family for these kinds of eventualities, but having lived through it, I do feel very strongly that any responsible couple with children will consider those everpresent possibilities seriously in working out and maintaining the best family arrangement for them.
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Old 02-03-2010, 08:54 AM   #89
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However, when it comes to actually marrying someone, "settling" sounds like a total recipe for disaster to me. Can the idea that the worst fate a woman can suffer is to be single just DIAF already? What century is this anyway? And what about the person you settle for? Doesn't he deserve to be with someone who is with him because she really, truly wants to be with him rather than someone who just married him simply because she wanted a child and didn't want to raise one by herself, or was afraid of being alone or whatever?
Good points. Of course it's not just women who do this. I know a guy who settled because he was 40 and wanted kids. Don't know how much of it was his own thoughts and how much of it was societal pressures, imagined "competitions" and comparisons with others, etc. But he is twice divorced and gets his son every other weekend. Being with the wrong person for reasons of wanting kids because you're feeling pressured internally, externally, however=recipe for disaster, in my opinion. Especially when you don't have many things figured out about yourself, which was true in his case.
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Old 02-03-2010, 11:16 AM   #90
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Yolland, good to see you back around these parts. Hope you're well.
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