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Old 02-01-2010, 07:22 PM   #31
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Because you have aspirations that go beyond staying at home and raising children?
Perhaps we should avoid statements that imply value judgments one way or the other.

For many, the cost of day care more than offsets a second income.

And wanting to pursue opportunities outside the home is no more or less noble than wanting to give yourself full time to those who are in it.
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Old 02-01-2010, 07:57 PM   #32
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Ok, I know I'm going to be hated for saying this (and I know that in most cases a second income is needed for most families to survive), but why have a kid when you are going to put him/her day care?


so you can afford to send them to college one day?
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Old 02-01-2010, 08:01 PM   #33
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For many, the cost of day care more than offsets a second income.

And wanting to pursue opportunities outside the home is no more or less noble than wanting to give yourself full time to those who are in it.
I agree with you there. People should decide for themselves what will make them happy and what works best in their specific family context.
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Old 02-01-2010, 08:03 PM   #34
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And wanting to pursue opportunities outside the home is no more or less noble than wanting to give yourself full time to those who are in it.


A happy mother is more important than quantity of time. Although I say that having been able to take a full year of mat leave twice and then access to a worldclass daycare.

Different things make different people happy.
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Old 02-01-2010, 08:08 PM   #35
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Biological Clock Ticks Faster Than Most Women Realize



I'm getting closer to 30 (I'll be 28 in June) as well as my female friends. This article has freaked me out. I usually tell myself I could have a baby in my late 30s because my sister is 36 and having her first baby, plus my mom had me at age 43. But now I am thinking what can I do? What can woman everywhere do? Nature wants us to conceive at a young age yet society won't allow it. It is best for a woman to be well educated, have a solid job, in good financial standing and then be in a rock solid relationship, married or not, before she even thinks about getting pregnant. By the time she gets all this, she is in her 30s and her fertility drops dramatically. She then may face fertility treatments, at-risk pregnancies, etc.

I'm curious about everyone's thoughts are about this - particularly women in their late 20s and older.

Well that's good for my confidence!
I'm 30 and a day now!
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Old 02-01-2010, 10:40 PM   #36
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Ok, I know I'm going to be hated for saying this (and I know that in most cases a second income is needed for most families to survive), but why have a kid when you are going to put him/her day care?
Why is this even a question? Honestly, there are plenty of reasons. You can't think of any?
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Old 02-01-2010, 11:06 PM   #37
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Ok, I know I'm going to be hated for saying this (and I know that in most cases a second income is needed for most families to survive), but why have a kid when you are going to put him/her day care?
I partially agree with you here. I see so many children raised by day care staff, my Mum worked at a kinder for quite a while. During the week they see their parents briefly in the morning, for an hour or two at night when everyone's tired and crabby.
I don't know about overseas but here the financial argument isn't always correct. Once fees, snacks, work clothes, travel etc are taken out they aren't left with much at all.


The thought that my time is running out does scare me a little but what options do I have? I'm not going to find someone who'll do to impregnate me because I'm scared it won't happen, I'm not even sure I want it.
For all the women who know they want children, you have plenty of time. Yes the risks are higher but oh so worth it. Medicine is a lot more advanced, you can find out the chances of things being wrong very early in your pregnancy now and make a choice. If the thought is too scary look into adoption for sure.

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Old 02-01-2010, 11:10 PM   #38
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Because you have aspirations that go beyond staying at home and raising children?
This has nothing to do with what I meant.
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Old 02-01-2010, 11:11 PM   #39
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Why is this even a question? Honestly, there are plenty of reasons. You can't think of any?
I can thing of many.
I base that comment on most of the people I know that are in that situation. They elect to have a career rather than take care of their children properly.

The kids end up losing because of this.
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Old 02-01-2010, 11:14 PM   #40
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I can thing of many.
I base that comment on most of the people I know that are in that situation. They elect to have a career rather than take care of their children properly.

The kids end up losing because of this.
You don't think you can do both?
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Old 02-01-2010, 11:15 PM   #41
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This has nothing to do with what I meant.
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They elect to have a career rather than take care of their children properly.
Oh, yikes. Here I was about to comment that neither you nor anitram likely had any judgment behind your question/comment.

So much for that.
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Old 02-01-2010, 11:19 PM   #42
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Listen, I see all this bullshit happening with parents that rather have a career (So they can have their motor homes, jet skis, mansions for homes, etc)...and yet they have kids that are rotten individuals. I blame the lack of attention and supervision as the primary cause.
It even happened in my family.
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Old 02-01-2010, 11:22 PM   #43
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Well sure, there are parents who make all sorts of bad choices. But that doesn't mean that every parent who chooses to have their child in day care is making the choice so they can live the high life.

Every parent (or set of parents, natch) makes countless decisions about the way to raise their kids and how to be their own family. Everyone does the best they can.

Day care does not automatically equal crappy parenting, so you can't make that generalization, just as you can't generalize that every parent who chooses to stay home has no aspirations beyond that.

I don't have the experiences to back that up, and not to take anything away from what you've seen and experienced, I just think it's wrong to generalize and judge like that.

Actually, I take that back - I do know people who have their kids in daycare, and they have fulfilling relationships with their kids. They're not rich, they're not trying to get rich, they're just trying to build the family they want. And from what I can see, they're doing great with it.

(To be fair, we have a very generous work environment, super supportive and accepting of that work/life balance, so they're really fortunate to have that. I know not all working parents do.)
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Old 02-01-2010, 11:26 PM   #44
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Listen, I see all this bullshit happening with parents that rather have a career (So they can have their motor homes, jet skis, mansions for homes, etc)...and yet they have kids that are rotten individuals. I blame the lack of attention and supervision as the primary cause.
It even happened in my family.
The problem isn't the choosing the career, though. There are parents who stay at home full time and still fuck up. They just don't know how to raise kids, that's all. You can't blame choosing a career on that. If it wasn't that, it would have been something else.

To make the blanket statement that choosing a career is choosing to neglect your children is just lazy logic. I could counter with examples like my cousin who was valedictorian of his high school and got a full scholarship to a prestigious university while both of his parents had jobs. There are as many examples like that as there are the opposite.
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Old 02-01-2010, 11:28 PM   #45
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I never said every parent.
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