'The Twisted Sisterhood' -- The Dark Side of Female Friendship Explored - Lemondrop.comKelly Valen, author of "The Twisted Sisterhood" has a bone to pick with women, particularly with the mob mentality that can evolve when a group of girls gets together.
She, like so many females, had a Bad Sorority Experience back in the day. A really bad one, in fact: After she lost her virginity to a fraternity pledge in what was then known as a "ledge party" -- i.e., an unbeknownst-to-her public deflowering with all of his frat brothers looking on -- her sisters turned against her, eventually blackballing her from the sorority house.
Decades later she ran into one of those same "sisters" at a Pet Smart one day, and was surprised to find her former sorority nemesis chasing her through the cat food aisle -- "Kelly! Kelly! Is that you!?" -- acting as if none of it had ever happened.
Valen, though, still bore deep scars from that particular college experience. She went on to write about it in a New York Times essay, confessing:
"My life's greatest sorrow stems from my inability to feel close to other women. At 41, I've cautiously cultivated a few cherished female friendships. But generally I feel a kind of skittish distrust and discomfort when dealing with most women, particularly women in packs."What happened next? Well, after she published the piece, half of the blogosphere eviscerated her as being woman-hating. The other half rushed to her defense, writing epically-long comments telling her what a nerve she'd hit with them. Turns out, they, too, had suffered at the hands of fellow females. And so many women came forward to talk about the dark undercurrents at work in the office, in mommyhood, and even within their close friendships, that Kelly soon had a book on her hands.
In "Twisted Sisterhood," she surveys 3,000 women across the country, as the book's tagline explains, to unravel the dark legacy of female friendships. Whether you agree or disagree with her thesis, if you've ever felt a pinprick of unease in the company of a woman, Lemondrop's interview with Valen should be pretty much required reading. And we mean that in the most sisterly sense.
I have difficulty trusting women, too. I just feel sooner or later one of my girlfriends is going to back stab me, blab to everyone what I've told her, or do whatever women usually do to each other.
I think the reason women can be so mean to each other is because they feel the need to compete with them to get men's attention or make it in a man's world. I am not saying this is all the fault of patriarchy, but I do feel there is a connection.
It is so contradictory that so many women call themselves feminists and such, but if another woman besides them gets the promotion or the hot guy, it would be hell for her.
Thoughts?